I don't answer questions much these days but you are more than welcome to send me some, and I'll get to them fairly quickly.
Gender: Female
Age: 23
Member Since: April 9, 2004
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Last Update: March 11, 2005
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EnchantedSage
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Okay, this is a weird question, I'm sure...but I figure I may as well see what y'all say.
Okay...my boyfriend kind of has a thing for "dirty talk" and I think it's totally ridiculous. I start laughing whenever he says something and expects me to respond. I think it bothers him that I keep giggling, but I can't help it! To me, it just seems so totally fake and stupid...
I mean, I've tried playing along, but I just feel so awkward and stupid, saying things like...that...
Should I try to do something about my giggling problem (lol)? Should I tell him I just can't do it? What do you guys think? (link)
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Hey there! You don't mention what, exactly, your boyfriend is saying in his dirty talk. But even though I myself love dirty talk, I can think of a few goofy things a man could say to me in bed that would make me do more laughing than getting aroused. In fact, I'm laughing right now as I think of a few I've heard! So thanks for the evening chuckle.
Talking dirty is actually a great way to create good communication in bed. But not everyone likes to hear their lover throwing porno-type lines at them during a roll in the sack. So try suggesting that he take a different route next time. Tell him you want him to try talking to you in a way that YOU know ahead of time you might find sexy. Suggest he tell you when he likes something you are doing. Example:
Him: I like it when you do it this way.
You: Yeah, how does it feel?
And move on from there.
This bit of conversation probably feels more natural than whatever it is he previously said. You could also try it the other way around:
Him: Do you like that?
You: Yeah, it feels really good.
Him: How does it feel exactly? What else do you want me to do?
Of course, it would be in your own words ... my examples are probably kind of stuffy sounding, but eh, I'm sure you get the point. It also wouldn't hurt to throw in a "You're amazing" or something to that effect, IF that's what you're actually thinking. If he sucks at doing something, don't be afraid to gently suggest he try doing it another way.
So try that, and hopefully that will feel more real to you than his attempts.
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Ok, this might sound stupid, but o well... Ok, our skool is going on a fieldtrip on a thursday supervised, but we can walk around and stuff. All the couples in our group r supposed 2 have sex. Lets just say, im young and i dont want 2. I heard it from my boyfriends friend and i dont want 2 do it either way. Expulsion if we get caught, in trouble, pregnancy, etc. My whole skool life and regular life at that would be destroyed. I love my boyfriend very much and i dont want him to break up with me or dump me, cuz i love him 2 much!!! I also dont wanna seem "soft" either. PLEAZ help me as soon as u can!!! THANKS!!! (link)
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Your group's idea is, to say the least, a very stupid one. You, on the other hand, sound like a very smart girl. I can tell you right now that if these couples carry out this plan, it's almost guaranteed that somebody's going to get caught, and then the entire plan will be exposed and everyone involved will get in trouble. I remember countless incidents from my own school days in which couples made plans to sneak out and were either caught in the act, or discovered later. The aftermath was not pretty. I can also tell you that you are probably not the only person in the group with misgivings about the whole thing, regardless of whether anyone else is being open about it or not.
You don't say whether your boyfriend wants to go through with this plan or not, but I certainly understand that you care about him a great deal, and are afraid of looking foolish in front of him. But if he loves you, he'll listen to what you have to say and support your decision. I know that doesn't necessarily make talking about it any easier, especially when it feels like everyone else in your group is eager to carry out the plan. But I highly suggest you talk about this with him in person, when no one else is around to butt in on the conversation or overhear. Say something like: "You know how everyone's supposed to sneak off and have sex on the field trip? I don't feel comfortable with that, and I don't want to do it." Tell him what you are thinking -- that you aren't ready to have sex yet and you especially aren't ready to have it in a PUBLIC area where you could be discovered any second. Make it clear that there's no way you'd enjoy that. Tell him you'd like to spend time with him on the trip, but you want to spend it doing things both of you can agree are fun and worthwhile, not something somebody else has decided everyone else is "supposed" to be doing. End it with, "I'm not trying to judge everybody else, but this just isn't right for me. I know you'll understand what I'm saying because we care about each other so much." Indeed, your boyfriend *should* understand what you are saying, whether or not he wanted to go through with the group's plan, simply because he cares about you and doesn't want to do anything to make you unhappy. Now, I don't know if he would ever try to pressure you into sex or anything else, but if he does, please remind him of that!
I'm also not sure if the kids in your group are people you normally hang out with, or people you will only be hanging around with for the field trip. Either way, if they start getting excited about the idea and talking nonstop about it prior to the trip, remain quiet. If they ask you questions about it or try to make sure you're going along with the plan, simply tell them that no, you aren't going to. If they badger you about it, just say something like, "That's just not cool for me. I'm sure you're all going to have fun, but I really just don't want to. I hope you'll tell me all about it later though!" This way, you will sound like you aren't judging them for their behavior (even if you privately are) and that you're cool with your own decisions. People should respect you for that, for kids seem to react in a negative manner most often when they feel like they are being judged or looked down on by those who choose different decisions. If you act like you are fine with whatever they want to do, regardless of what you yourself choose to do, they should leave it alone.
Worst case scenario: the boyfriend dumps you because you refuse to have sex. I hope this wouldn't happen, since you love him, and I'm assuming he's a good guy who is cooler than that. But if he does? Then you know he's an ass, and you know you deserve better. I know it will hurt anyway, but you certainly don't need anyone who isn't going to let you be yourself. Once again, I hope it doesn't come to that, but if it does, it's definitely not your fault!
Above all, remember this: In five years, you'll be so glad you trusted your gut instinct and did what was right for *you*, and people's reactions won't matter. The kids who chose to do something they didn't really want to do, just because everybody else was doing it, are still going to remember that they made that decision and feel pretty stupid about it -- and that's really sad. That's why I hope that not only will you firmly stand up for what you feel is right for you, but that others will follow your example, and say, "You know what? This isn't something *I* want to do either!"
I sincerely hope this helps. You sound like a very caring girl with a good instinct. Please let me know if this helped you out or if you need any additional help with this or any other problem, and I also hope you will let me know how it all works in the end. Best of luck!
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i was wondering...i'm the ultimate good girl...i haven't done anything remotely sexual. i haven't even gotten kissed yet. but i'm curious...about fingering, blowjobs, handjobs. can someone please explain to me how to do those? hah. i know that's rather stupid and could leave u open to lots of answers...but i need answers. and also pubic hair...shave? trim? i'm lost..any help is appreciated. and when you stop laughing at me maybe u can gimme some advice. ;) hah. (link)
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Allow me to recommend a fantastic book to you! This book will answer all of your questions about sex, show you cool techniques, AND it's very amusing and fun to read! It's called "Guide to Getting It On" and the author is Paul Joannides. The book is published by Goofy Foot Press -- check out their website at www.goofyfootpress.com. I bought this book last year and I love it. If you are too embarrassed to buy it at the store, you can order it online from Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble or a similar site.
But if you don't have the money to spend on a book, try looking up some sex tips sites online. I would be careful about this if you share your computer with someone, however.
As far as tips I myself can give you, I can tell you about all kinds of techniques; however, every one is different and no one technique is going to work on every single person. Blowjobs and handjobs are things you learn and become good at as you go along. Ask your partner to show you what he likes. And when it comes to his pleasuring you, tell him what you would like him to do and help him do it correctly. If you have trouble with these things, you aren't ready to be doing them.
As for pubic hair, it's really up to you what you want to do with it, although it never hurts to ask your partner for advice. I like to keep mine shaved, but that's my own personal preference.
There's nothing wrong with asking questions like these, and no one should ever laugh at you for it ... sex is a wonderful thing, and learning about it is certainly very fun. Just remember that nobody ever starts out knowing how to do everything perfectly!
If you have any additional questions, feel free to ask me and I'll help you out as much as I can!
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