13/f
Me and my mom have always had this sort of best-friend sort of relationship instead of a mother-daughter relationship. I didn't tell her everything, but I did tell her enough and wasn't embrassed infront of my friends with her. Infact, I kind of like to "show her off." She's really funny and basically acts like someone my age would act - only 43 and graying hair. But right now everything sort of changed.
A few weeks ago my mom went out on a date (My dad and her are divorced) and she said she would be out a few hours. Dinner, a movie, the basics. So figured it would be a perfect time to.. well, masturbate, I suppose. Only apparantly the date didn't last as long as she expected, and I didn't hear her open the door. And she kind of heard me, since I tend to get kind of loud. I have no idea what she was thinking, I just know that she opened the door to my room and saw me. Then shut the door and didn't talk to me for the rest of the night. After I got dressed I went and found her in the kitchen, and told her that that had been a little awkward, but she didn't say anything or do anything. She just kind of ignored me. And every since then it's been kind of weird, especially since my mom is one of those pre-martial-sex-and-I'm-sending-you-to-a-convent type of people. She's only had sex once, and that was when she "planned" to have me.
Now, instead of feeling all laid back when I'm around her, I keep getting this feeling like she's giving me a dirty look, like she thinks I'm some kind of skank. And actually, I know that she thinks that, because me, being the curious one, listened in on her phone call with her best friend, who my mom told that I was turning into some kind of slut ever since I started going out with my boyfriend, which really isn't true, since I was doing this long before I started going out with him.
I just don't really know how to make things cool between us again. Or how to break the ice so I don't feel like I'm being watched ever second of every day because my mom believes that I'm doing "dirty things."
Dear Caught in the Act,
It is not unusual for parents to have diffiuclty accepting their teens emerging sexuality..... especially if that parent has issues of their own in this area. Tell your mother you'd like to "clear the air" and see if she's open to talking about what happened. This might not be the most comfortable topic for either of you, but it sounds like it's time to talk.
As cool as it seems to have a "best friend" instead of a parent, that's usually not what is really going on. A good parent is clear about their role and does not feel the need to become a best friend. Insecurity about being a parent is usually what's behind this need to buddy up. Let's face it, peers do not have to set limits or boundaries in the same manner that a parent does.
I wish you well,
Earth Mother
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i'm female 14 years old...well you will think this is normal and everything but i still feel weird:
yesterday it was about 11:30 at night and i was still awake listening to some radio then i became thirsty and i wanted to go downs stairs to get something to drink and then on my way downstairs i heard me parents having sex.... it was soo weird my mom was like making this really weird sounds and i heard how my dad kissed my mom and i dont know i was just standing there listening i couldnt move... but yeah then when i couldnt hear anything i went back to my room... and then my little sister (she's only 11 years old) also heard it cause her room is right next to my parents bedroom and she came into my room and she was really nervous and scared! and so am i and i dont know i just have a weird feeling about all this...what should i do?? its just freaking me out!!! and my sister also totally dosnt get it and she said she cant trust our parents or something :-/
any advice???
i'll rate
Dear I Feel Weird,
Sure, I can believe that you're feeling out of sorts after hearing your parents having sex. I'd say that is pretty normal. It seems really creepy because you and your sister don't relate to your parents as sexual beings. Your parents, however, do relate to each other (from time to time) in this manner, and yes, sex is part of a healthy marriage. Some day you will better understand the role sex has in a loving relationship. When this time comes, it won't seem so strange.
If their encounter continues to bother your little sister, perhaps you need to say something to one of your parents. I know approaching either parent might be uncomfortable for you, but I'm sure your parents would rather that you do than to say nothing with little sister still "nervous and scared."
Ask your friends if they've ever had this happen, and I'll bet at least one of them has. At least you'll know you're not alone with what you've experienced and how you're feeling about it.
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I had this friend in middle school. A best friend, and I really loved her. I never talked behind her back or anything. People told me that she was not a good friend to me though. I dont know- maybe she wasn't. Anyways- one day we got into an awful fight and she attempted suicide. it was serious, and she ended up in a hospital. She called me, and told me it was all my fault. Now she's in a mental hospital, a residential. we recently started talking again. I feel horribally guilty, even though she said that it was her who was wrong to blame me. Anyways... i found out that she told another one of our friends one of my biggest secret, and im thinking maybe she has not changed. So I dont know... should I forgive her for this whole big mess? (the suicide thing and everything) or should I never speak to her again. Please help, thank you.
Dear Forgive or Forget Her,
Your friend sounds very troubled, and given the fact that she choose to attempt suicide, I'd say she's got bigger problems than your friendship.
If she betrayed a confidence by talking behind your back, that too suggests she's not capable of being a REAL friend. Sometimes when people are very troubled, they aren't capable of seeing things as they are. When this happens it's unfortunate; be thankful that she's getting the help she needs, do forgive her, and move on.
Forgiveness is always the best policy, but please don't mistakenly feel that you must keep associating with her to prove you have. Remember, no matter what she says, her troubles are not your fault. Maybe at some later point you'll be able to reconnect when she's firmly on the road to recovery.
I wish you well.
Take care,
Earth Mother
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well, the girlfriend and i were havin sex last night...i came in the condom i was wearing, then pulled out....but she kept things goin till i got erect again about 15 minutes later...still wearing that same condom with the cum in it, we started having sex again...the condom then broke a few minutes later...i pulled out as soon as i noticed...but im worried that the cum already in the condom could still possibly get her pregnant??...id really appreciate an answer. Thanks ppl.
Dear Worried,
Yes, because it only takes the smallest amount of semen to get pregnant, so your concern is not unfounded.
It sounds like you already know that it's important to use a new condum with each encounter, so I won't go there with you. I commend the fact that you were even wearing one at all. I know that many young people don't bother; needless to say, we have many little ones here to prove it!
There is also something called the "morning after" pill, that you can get from a drugstore without a Rx, and your girl might want to consider this JUST IN CASE. You can google this for more information, but I'm fairly certain that most large chain drugstores (Walgreens, Longs, Rite Aid, etc.) carry this product. Better yet, your local Planned Parenthood clinic can help with this too.
At any rate, keep using those condoms; it's the responsible thing to do!
I wish you well.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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I think I might have depression, I have been depressed for a while. I have been cutting myself and feeling completely lost and hopeless. Everything is being affected by this and I have been having suicidal thoughts. I am scared and I think that I need to see a therapist to work through some issues, but I don't know how to bring it up with my parents. Does anyone know how I can bring it up with them? I know that I need help and my friends who know about my cutting think I need it as well. How can I bring it up? Thanks.
Dear Depressed,
You are correct; if you are hurting yourself, you are depressed. I commend your honesty and the fact that you are not running away from this. That, in itself, takes courage and is a very positive sign that you are open to being helped.
If you are coming from your heart, how you tell your parents is not nearly as important as just telling them. Be honest with them; tell them how hard it is for you to come to them about this. You will feel better once the secret it out in the open. Hey, it's a start!
While you are waiting to see a therapist, don't forget that there are 24 hr "teen hotlines," sometimes called "crisis hotlines" that you can reach if you use google, or 411. These hotlines are anonoymous and they might also be able to give you other resources, like numbers to programs, groups, and counseling centers that work with young people going through the same difficulties.
Keep reaching out, dear one, and you will receive the help you are looking for. Remember, asking for help is a sign of real strength, not weakness!
It's NO accident that you are here, and some day you will understand how going through this difficult period made you the strong, insightful person that you are.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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Lately I've had a lot of stuff going on in my life with family, school, and other stresses. I've never felt so low in all my life. And still I have a wonderful boyfriend who's been supporting me through all of it. I used to have some pretty bad depression and I would get suicidal thoughts, sometimes come close to attempting it. Then, for years, it's gone away. But now, I don't know. I've never felt so strongly like I don't want to live. I don't want to commit suicide and I'm not going to, but I just don't want to go through life anymore. I don't know if I should tell my boyfriend this on top of everything else that he's supporting me with. I don't want to worry him, and I don't want him to freak out or get anyone else involved without my knowledge. (Like school counselors -- maybe regular counselors, but I can't stand the school ones.) Does anyone have any advice on whether I should tell him or not? Thanks in advance.
Dear Depressed,
Feeling sad, blue, or a little down is something we all go through from time to time. Really, it's normal.
What you've described, however is a little more serious than that; not only should you tell your bf, but you should also seek help understanding what's going on with you.
You may not know, but depression is related to a chemical imbalance in the brain. (No, you're not crazy!)This chemical imbalance can be addressed, but you'll have to reach out for help.
I know there are places where you can get this kind of help, but you might have to do a little homework. Perhaps, googling for "teen hotlines," or "crisis hotlines" would be a start. These hotlines are there so that people needing to speak with someone can do so anonymously. These hotlines would also be able to give you the names & numbers of programs dedicated to helping young people with similiar issues. The point being, my friend, you are important and worth the time and energy it would take to find the answer! The help you need is out there, but you'll have to do your part and seek it out.
If you are too depressed to even do this much, please tell someone in addition to your bf. Maybe a favorite teacher, a parent of one of your good friends; hey, maybe even your mother or father, but you need to tell someone to get the ball rolling.
You could also call 411 and ask for the local "Information & Referral" agency in your area for suggestions of where to look. These I&R agencies complie directories of people, places, programs, etc. that provide all kinds of assistance, depending on what you are looking for.
I know there is someone in your area that could be of assistance to you as you sort out what is happening to you. You're worth it; giving up is NOT the solution! Check out your other options, they're out there.
You have yet to discover why it is that you're needed here; don't walk away from this challenge. Someday you'll understand why you had to go through this experience in order to come full circle. Decide to do this, you'll find the courage. Remember, it is NO mistake that you are here.
Take Care,
Earth Mother
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