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So one of my friends cuts. hes been cutting for a while, and hes been on and off with cousellors and stuff. Hes always talking to me about his cutting but never about how hes handling it or how he wants to stop. So tonight I kinda flipped out, im trying to help him by giving him suggestions on what he can do to try and figure out his problem. You see hes so stubborn that hes always trying to find something wrong. He started calling me little miss perfect, saying stuff how im always trying to fix peoples problems. So I got ticked. I told him if you dont want help dont ask for it, because everyone seems to ask for help and when I give them it they turn and treat me like crap.

So now apparently hes going to the hospital. Im assuming because he cut himself bad after our coversation. The convo didnt end well, infact it didnt really end at all, i just signed out. Should I feel bad? Does it seem like I made a poor choice in how I responded to him? I know that hes sensitive but why should I always "baby" him or cover up whats really going on when he needs to hear the truth. I've tried the nice way, the funny way, the boring ways, and tonight i've tried the mean way. Regardless, im always listening to him whine and complain about how he wants to stop but he never takes it uppon himself to really find ways to stop. Im just so frustrated with it.

Feel Guilty or not guilty?
I think not guilty but I just need to see it from someone elses side.

Cutting is a deep rooted problem, and it is very sensitive to deal with. It seems to me that he does want help, but he doesn't know how to get it, or is too scared to talk to anyone about it. You, however, have his trust, and this is perhaps why he opened up with you.

I can tell you are deeply concerned about him, and this is a very intense issue that cannot be solved in a matter of paragraphs. But I can reccomend a couple books to you. "Inside a Cutter's Mind: Understanding And Helping Those Who Self-Injure", and "Cutting: Understanding and Overcoming Self-Mutilation".

I used to cut. It wasn't until my therapist gave me these books that I finally began to understand fully why I was the way I was. There are also chapters for non-cutters, to help you better help your loved one overcome their illness.

Just remember... there is hope. It will take time. But you can help him... if he really is ready to be helped.

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I am a man in my 20s. I've had this female friend since I started college, and she's one of the best friends I could ever ask for.

Thing is, I have had a crush on her since she and I met. Now, the attraction never changed, but I know that she will not see me as anything more than a friend. In fact, she's maintained friendships with people who were attracted to her, because as she says, "Why should she let that change the friendship?"

The thing is, I don't know how to tell her. I'm afraid that I'll be the exception to her rule. And I know she and I will not be together like that, but I want to be honest with my friend.

Help me be honest without losing my friend. I know it already seems like she would accept me anyway, but still, I'm afraid.

They say,"Honesty is the best policy." Your female-friend sounds like a very considerate and very friendly person. She sounds like she's down to earth, and very easy to get along with.

You said that in the past she had male friends who were attracted to her, but that it did not deter her from friendship with them. I wonder if, perhaps she told you this information because she had a slight inkling that you, as well, have a 'crush' on her?

Wether she knows or not, I believe your best course of action would be to tell her the truth. Leaving feelings build up inside of you, unresolved, can be quite a burden. And it sounds like it's a burden you've been walking around with for quite some time.

When you're alone with her, and can talk intimately, I would suggest saying,"I have something I want to admit to you. I don't want it to effect our friendship, but..." and then carry on with exactly what you told us. That ever since you met her you've liked her. That you've been scared to tell her because you were afraid you'd loose her friendship. And then ask her if she might possibly feel that the two of you could become more than friends, or if she only values your friendship and wouldn't want anything more from you.

Like I said, she does sound like a very nurturing and friendly girl, so I highly doubt she'd become appalled and throw water in your face, or cause any kind of dramatics over the information. I know, it will be extremely scarey to relay your feelings to her, and your mind will always worry about the "what if's"(what if she hates me? what if she doesn't want to be friends anymore? what if...) but you cannot let that get in the way of unburdening yourself with this secret and getting on with your life.

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I always feel like I bring everyone down. Or like after I talk to people I feel stupid, like why did i say that... And then I feel unconfortable when I'm around those people... I just feel stupid everytime I open my mouth... Is it lack of confidence? I don't know. Sometimes I just stay shut or sit in a corner by myself, so that I won't feel this way afterwards. What can I do to change this?
And please don't say to stop caring what others think, cause that's obvious.

Have you ever heard the term,"Take the bull by the horns"? The same phrase could be directed twords your situation. I know what it's like to have lack of confidence, I used to be in your shoes. But I broke out of that shell by putting myself out there more. The more you hang out with other people, the more comfortable you'll be with them(and eventually with strangers as well). It will be hard, I wont lie to you. But it's well worth it.

I used to feel like everything I said was stupid, and I used to stay recluse, to avoid humiliating myself. But I eventually learned that most of the people I talked to didn't think what I was saying was stupid at all... it was only in my head. I took hold of my fears, found some people who I felt like I could relate to, and threw myself out into the world. Now I relate very easily to many people, even strangers who come into the store I work at. I laugh with them, make jokes with them, explain about products and services in our store, and I don't feel uncomfortable at all.

You need to do the same thing. It's hard not to care what other people think, but you really should. Besides, those other people aren't ever 1/4 as critical of you as you are. So, take hold of your own fears, and as uncomfortable as you might be, throw yourself out there. It will take time getting used to it, but you'll get there eventually. A year or two down the road, you'll be giving someone else the same advice. ;)

I hope everything works out for you.

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