Hey :-) I'm Claire. This may be a new column, but I've been an advicenator for a while now (I got a new column for the new year) and am experienced at answering your questions! I love helping people and will try my very best to solve your problems. Feel free to ask me anything and make sure to let me know how everything turns out for you xxx :-P
Gender: Female
Location: Scotland
Occupation: Student/Odeon Team Member
Age: 16
Member Since: January 31, 2006
Answers: 52
Last Update: June 7, 2006
Visitors: 4148
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
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hi im Tanisha and i need help i like my best friend boy friend i know thats wrong but i liked him first . i really dont want him to know cause i know he might say i dont like you , but i look better then my friend and i know its not always about the looks and stuff like that but i want him for my self and im scared to tell my friend how i feel or tell him . i never did this stuff like this and i know if i tell her that i like her boy friend (kyle) she would start crying so what should i do (link)
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Tough shit, thats all I can say. Too bad if you liked him first, you had your chance to make your move but you didn't. Now because of your selfish feelings you are willing to ruin the happiness of two people, one of which is your best friend!! You have no right to call her that if that's what you are willing to do to her and I think its horrible that you believe just because you are prettier than her, you deserve him more. You are an awful person if you break them up and believe me it will come back to haunt you.
Keep this to yourself and find someone else. You have to, for your friend's sake. I'm sorry if I have been mean but my friend stole my bf and I have no sympathy for people like you.
Again really sorry
Sapphire Lily xxx
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Hey, so, I'm in an odd situation. I think my friend likes me.
1. We were talking about a picture, and he said I'm probably more beautiful in person.
2. He always asks when I'll be back online and if he can call me.
3. We had this weird conversation and he called me beautiful again.
So, the thing is, I don't like him like that if he does like me. I actually want to get that through before we hang out someweres. {we've never met in person, he's my best friends friend from a different school}. And, i've seen a picture of him, but honestly, he's not my type. I like, sporty guys/rockers. And he's...just not, and we dont have much in common.But, he's a really nice guy...what should I do? And, how should I bring up asking him if he likes me?
thanks.
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A subtle way of giving him the hint that you don't like him that way is telling him that he's like a brother to you. That usually tells them that you wouldn't go out with your brother, ergo you wouldn't go out with them. This is nicer than simply saying your not interested and avoids awkwardness after you having to tell him that.
However, if your friendship is still faily new then this may not be appropriate. Comparing him to a family member may also work or simply just quizing him about who he likes. While doing this, mention one guy that you like often, to give him the impression that your really interested in this one guy and no one else (even if he is made up, he'l never know!)
Believe me, this is a better way of doing it than just asking him if he likes you. This may just cause your friendship to go sour when you have to tell him you don't like him back.
Hope it works out okay
Sapphire Lily xxx
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i told one of my friends a year ago that i liked him. he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship, but i think he said that he didn't like me like that. now we are really good friends and i went over to his house the other day and he's this great guy and i wish i was with him. but it's so hard for me to think of him as just my friend. this crush is still lurking. he's going off to college in NY and i guess there isn't anything i can do, except just stay good friends, right? (link)
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Right. I do not know how far NY is from you, but its probably best that you avoid a long distance relationship, especially if it would just be beginning as he was leaving. Stay good friends, at least that way you will still be able to be close to him (perhaps not in the way you wish, but still close).
You can never know for sure if he does or does not like you and at the moment I would advise you not to mention it again unless a) he starts it or b)you really feel his mind has changed. If he doesn't feel the same way, it could make your friendship awkward for him if it is the second time your saying it.
Him going away will be good for both of you, it will give you a chance to maybe forget your crush and move on. For him, it may, as the saying goes, make the heart grow fonder.
Good luck, I know unrequited love and all that sucks, but I promise you it will be okay eventually
Sapphire Lily xxx
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My two best friends and I are very close and stuff like that. We're never apart or amost never apart. but recently Dime..one of my friends... is paying more attention and hanging out with Charlie more(a girl by the way so are dime and me) but Charlie spend more time with me. then when Charlie is away and it's just me and Dime she sticks to me...and she acts normal with me and diff with Charlie. what should I do? (link)
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Be careful, thats what you should do. Jealousy tears apart friendships, believe me I know. Perhaps if Charlie spends more time with you, Dime is jealous of this and is trying to push her way into your group. I'd suggest perhaps going out with Charlie and inviting her too. See how you get on with just the three of you.
If she is still weird, perhaps mention it to Charlie and see what she thinks of the situation. Confronting Dime directly would probably not help matters, she'd probably just deny it all. Get Charlie to speak to her about it if you can.
Other than that, good luck
Sapphire Lily xxx
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Ok so im 15/f and my gets on my nerves alot. She is always flirting with my boyfriend. Her boyfriend moved about a month ago. But when her bf was here she was always yelling at me because i was so called flirting with her boyfriend. My other friends ask me if it seems like my friend is trying to "steal" my boyfriend. So i was wondering if there are any quotes that you guys could give me on just basically telling her to stop flirting and stuff and it gets me mad. So if there are any quotes please let me know. (link)
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This is happening to me at the moment and it is driving me nuts!!!! Ones I've tried are:
"Honey I love you, but if you dont get your hands off my boyfriend I'm going to hack them off"
"I know you like it rough, but get your own boyfriend for it"
Lame I know, but they worked for one of my friends. The other is harder to deter. At the end of the day, your just going to have to speak to her if she doesnt stop. It will be super tough but I think you should go for it. I am going to do this too. Just lay out the facts and tell them how much it hurts you what they are doing. Resort to threats only as a final option if all that comes before doesnt work
Very good luck hunni
Sapphire Lily xxx
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im very lost,i lost my self!what are some ways to become original? some how i just dont feel like i am me... (link)
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I think its fitting that you put this as a friendship question because they are the people that can help you in this. Confide in one of your closest friends about this problem (it is so much better than worrying alone, trust me. If they are a true friend they will try to help you all you can) and together make up a list of your key traits and your likes/dislikes such as what to do in your spare time or . That way, you will be reminded of who you are at the moment. Then choose some of your likes and devote a weekend to them, just celebrating things that make you happy.
Then if you wish to be original, i say go mad. Get your hair dyed and cut a different way, go on a shopping trip buying things that you normally wouldnt go for, try something that you've never done before like a martial art. Just have fun and relearn that life is for living, don't get down about it, party it out of your system. Whenever I feel down, I have a mental dancing session for about 20 mins to help me feel better.
Smile, everyone feels like this at some point. It will pass I promise. Maybe looking towards the future may help as well, such as looking at university brochures, etc.
Good luck
Sapphire Lily xxx
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I'm really troubled by the way a close friend of mine seems to be compromising her values for her boyfriend. She has always been really strongly against illegal drugs of any kind. And her boyfriend uses drugs. I think it's just pot, not anything harder (though I'm not sure), and he's not a serious addict or anything, but that's still enough to bother her a ton. Even worse is his attitude about it. She complained that him using drugs made her uncomfortable, and then the next time he was going to a party, he told her that he wanted her to come along only if she promised to "behave" (that's the exact word he used) and not complain at all. She's told him that this bothers her, but she also keeps making excuses for him, and won't stand up for herself.
I really want to discuss this with her, try to pump up her self-esteem and encourage her to stick up for herself and her values -- except for two problems. One is that she and I used to date, and she knows that I still like her, so I'm worried that she'll think I'm just trying to break up her relationship. The other is that I found out most of this stuff by snooping around. I only did that because I was worried about her, but it was still wrong, and I'm sure she'll still be mad if she finds out.
So even though she needs help, I don't think I can say anything -- I just have to let her figure it out herself, even if that means she'll get hurt. Am I right about that? Is there anything I could do (maybe something a lot more subtle than bringing up the topic directly)? (link)
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You have to do something and stop her from getting dragged into the world of drugs herself. Perhaps you should introduce her to me, lol, I'm very against drugs.
Your right, speaking to her yourself may just cause her to turn on you and that would be the worst thing as if you cannot stop her, at least you can be there to catch her when she 'falls'. What I would recommend is to speak to one of her close girlfriends and have them talk to her about it. That way she may pay attention more as it is someone who she would not suspect of wanting to break up her relationship. Have them remind her how much she is against drugs and maybe even stick in the fact that dating soemone who is for something you are so against is a bad thing.
Perhaps he isn't worth saving, but maybe have the girl remind her that a strong attitude against it may even bring her bf off it. I know this will sound like I'm bragging so I apologise, but last month I was not only able to prevent my bf and best friend from trying it, my attitude towards it and to people taking it has persuaded one of my other friends to come off it.
If you care for her as much as I think you do, you have to do something to help save her from this, no matter what the consequences are for you.
If all else fails, be there for her and help her whenever you can. Maybe eventually this will help her see the light and how a guy should treat a girl.
I hope things turn out okay, let me know what happens
Sapphire Lily xxxx
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i have this friend and she is kind of an ass. i mean we get into fights and all but we get over them and forgive each other. but there are so many other people that she has hurt in the past. for example, one of my really good friends used to be extremely close with her. like they were inseprable. and then they got in HUGE fight (name calling, bad language, etc.) and they have never talked since. alot of people talk to me behind her back about how much they despise her and yet in front of her they act like her friend. There has only been a few instances where me and her have been mad at each other. i know she has talked behind my back before.. but i mean we're teenagers... i've talked behind her back too. it happens. just i'm not sure if i should still stay friends with her. when we're together i enjoy her company very much. just i know what she is capable of and i dont want to get hurt. what should i do? (link)
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I'm of the same viewpoint is you, forgetting the bad times because of the good times. However in this situation I would advise you to maybe ditch her, however enjoyable her company is. The problem being that she may eventually drive all your friends away and if you remain friends with her, she could drag you down with her.
Also, be truly honest with yourself, can you stand knowing that at this very moment she could be bitching about you like mad and then come in tomorrow and act like you've been friends forever, even though you may have done it too? Even worse is, can you stand listening to other people bitching about your friend all the time. because I know personally that would drive me mad and make me feel crazily guilty for not telling her.
In my opinion, I think you should just cut your ties and leave your friendship while you still associate it with happy times. Because if your friend is as bad as you have described it could get very ugly!
Hope this has helped. Good luck, I know its a difficult decision
Sapphire Lily xxx
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I have a terrible friend who thinks shes cool and hates me and my friends. She always hangs out with us and then talks about us behind our backs to US! I got into a fight with her(because Im the only one who will stand up for myself) and I hate having people hate me so i appologized and she just forgave me like that! (She said "I forgive you, HUG!") It bothers me and now were back to her using me and my friends and she thinks shes popular. What should I do? (link)
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I know its hard, but if you dislike her this much (and you have every right to) you need to ditch her. Stay strong and don't give into her this time. If your friends hate her as much as you do, they will stand by you, maybe even join in you not talking to her and soon you'll be free of her. If you ever start worrying about her hating you, just remember all the people who love you and think your a fab person!
Alternatively, you could just try having a big heart to heart with her and get all your issues out there. Be completely honest and try to work it out.
However, in my opinion, I think it would be a waste of time. Hope this has helped hunni
Sapphire Lily xxx
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