Okay well, this may sound a bit silly but, I sort of have been in your shoes before.

When people scare you, even if there isn't a real reason to an outsider, to you it's very valid, just like it was reasonable for me to be scared of the person I delt with.

Sometimes, people are just like that, I don't know why, but they are. One thing you could maybe do is just explain to her that you have a hard time sleeping at someone elses house and for someone to sleep at yours.

IF you have been staying over another persons house, this won't work as well if she knows that. BUT if she isn't aware of whos house you've been at or not, just tell her that the reason you haven't stayed the night at her house and the reason she hasn't stayed at yours, is because you have a little phobia.

I know it's not nice to lie, but SOMETIMES when people scare you and you feel threatened, telling the truth doens't work, it makes them even more upset, and the feeling of being in danger in anyway, even if it's just verbal, or emotional never feels good.

Just sit her down and say "look I've realized you've been getting a little offended lately that we don't stay the night at each others house, but the reason why, is because for some reason it just makes me feel uncomfortable. I like sleeping in my own bed alone and I don't feel comfortable being at someone elses house" and IF you have been at someone elses house just say "well, I went there so I didn't hurt their feelings but, we're supposed to be best friends and I thought if I told you that you would understand."

That's what I had to do, but I really didn't feel comfortable going to this girls house, so I wasn't lying, and if she scares you then, this wouldn't be a lie either...

I don't know that's just what worked for me and what I got from what you wrote, if I have it all wrong I apologize and either way I hope everything works out for you, and good luck.

I've been there.

I was friends with a girl for TEN years and she dated a guy that within three months cheated on her. She found out and forgave him. I was furious with her.

She ended up staying with the guy for a year or so off and on of course and I always tried to help her when I could but, like in your situation, it was fading.

She actually used my boyfriend at the time as a rebound once, and she cheated on me with her. They are still great friends but I don't talk to either one of them.

My story isn't a happy one, obviously. But, I would try to talk to her about how you feel the friendship is fading...

I don't even know her and I know, just like you know, that she is a great girl and deserves better than some guy that messes around on her. No person deserves that at all.

You need to wake the sleeping beauty up and try to help her see what's going on with your friendship and how hard it is.

IF you have already done that and feel that you have done all that you can possibly do as a best friend... Then, in my opinion, (JUST in opinion by the way no one has to agree.) I would let her be.

You can be a best friend by being there for her. But there is a point where you also have to look out for yourself. If she's around you anytime he hurts her and your there for her, but then breaks promises and blows you off when he's feeling nice, that isn't fair to you. You have to take care of yourself as well. Friends are important and great. But, one thing my Dad always told me was, "only call a person a best friend that cares as much about you, as you do about them." And if your friend isn't returning the compromise of anything, then again, it's just not fair to you.

You have to do what's best for you right now, so if you feel in your heart of hearts that ending the friendship is the best way to go, then do what you have to do. You'll know better than anyone sweetie...

I hope you and your friend can work things out. And I definitely hope she's lets that loser go, because it is so not worth it. Good luck with everything, and I hope I could help at least a little, or someone else can. =)

Hey sweetie well, I'm really sorry you're in this situation. I know how hard that can be, I've actually been there believe it or not.

In my OPINION, I wouldn't say anything to any of them. Mostly because, like you said, it isn't really any of your business and because of the guy knowing you like him (or has an idea.)

People in love (or that really, REALLY like someone) don't want to believe the person they are with can be hurting them like that, and it hurts and they tend to push people (even when they are only trying to help) out because they think they are trying to hurt them/the person they are in a relationship with.

I know from experience; I had a guy cheat on me and I DID have friends tell me (guys and girls) and I got so mad at all of them I never wanted to think that my bf (at the time) would do that to me.

And I also had an experince as the friend, I had it with a guy friend and a friend that was a girl... Neither one of them praised me for telling them what I knew...

So, those are my experiences and that's my opinion.

But there is always a possibility that your guy friend is different, it's honestly something you have to ask yourself if it's worth it or not...

If you DO decied to tell him though, here are some of my tips...

Try NOT to make it seem like your coming down on either one of them when you talk to him. Make it clear to him that you care about him and want him to be happy. Try to not give him ANY reason to get defensive towards you to where he could possibly lash out and claim you are "just jealous." Explain you hope you are wrong and like the girl (unless you don't try to avoid lying about liking her, unless it'd help him not get mad at you =]) but don't want to see him get hurt. And if he knows you like him, and he brings that up let him know that yes you like him, but you like him enough that you would never want to see him hurt, want him to be happy, and would rather have him as a friend then not in your life at all, and that your only trying to look out for him and you saying something has nothing to do with your romantic feelings towards him it's pure caring as a friend...

Hopefully SOME of this works and could help. Good luck girl and I hope if I didn't help someone else on this site can! =)

Unfortunately sweetie every person is different. My best friend and I both were in relationships like that (Not at the same time though) where guys just used us and were EXACTLY what your saying this guy is like. The problem was that we both saw how bad the other guy was but couldn't see what was right in front of our face.

When she was going through it I tired telling her and she wouldn't believe me, she told me I was jealous, and we stopped being friends. Even after the guy got in her pants and left her. To this day we don't really say more then hello to each other if we happen to cross paths...

And people tried to warn me too and I didn't want to hear a word of it. I thought he was perfect...

The best advice I can give you is to just be there to catch her when she falls. Give her, her space if she needs it, but if you've already tried to talk to her about it or if she is the type of person that wouldn't listen because she's in too deep then just be there when she needs it...

I know as a best friend it's pure torture to sit back and watch someone abuse them the way this guy is, but from my own experience I really don't think there is anything you can do or say to her to make you believe he's so bad.

Sadly your friend has to make her own choices (which I'm sure you already know, I'm not trying to sound like a mom or be rude hahaha =]) and if she does end-up sleeping with him, or even getting hurt without him getting in her pants it's all up to her, and you can't be there to live her life for her and open her eyes to what a jerk this dude is. It stinks and I understand, but honestly hang in there and just be there for her when she's going to need you the most is my own opinion.

... AND, if you haven't talked to her yet and you want to, I would just suggest to not say anything that would make her get defensive. Try to let her know that you want nothing more than for her to be happy, but you are concerned that this guy is real bad news and may hurt her. Definitely try not to say anything that could/would make her think your jealous since that is not the case. Make sure your alone too when you talk to her because I've found that just dumping that on people, or saying it when others are around makes them more defensive and offended and you certainly don't want her to feel like your coming down on her. =)

Good luck with everything. I hope I could help a little. And good luck to your friend too (guys like that annoy me) I hope she doesn't get hurt. =)

You may not like me after my answer but, here it goes...

I was in your EXACT situation when i was your age. I'm not trying to act like some wise woman, but since your asking advice, that's what I'm doing.

The situation I went through, that your sort of going through now is one of the main reasons I started giving advice on this site except, my story is much longer and horrible but had parts of what yours does so, I DO understand.

I don't know you, but I don't think any girl should go through even a little of what I went I through...

Just because he has never technically, physically hurt you doesn't mean much. He IS hurting you by what he's doing.

If he cheated on you with one of your best friends, (whether it was a rumor or not) that right there is a red flag... But, the same thing happened to me so I'm not one to judge on breaking things off just because of that.

He IS very controlling over you though. You had a life before him and you deserve to have a life while your with him too, other wise, he is just not worth it.

You are young, and I understand he was your first, but you deserve better than that.

I hate to say this but, even when parents don't know the whole situation, they still know when things aren't right sometimes...

I think the hardest thing for you is to let him go because he was your first. Why? Because I've been there. You have to trust me when I say that it is not the end of the world. Believe me, I swore up and down that it was though at the time...

He shouldn't be touching your phone and deleting your numbers. Tell him that's not cool and unnecessary. If he can have numbers of girls in his phone, you can have numbers of guys in yours. It's a two way street, whether he is older than you or not.

A lot of the time (I've noticed) from my situation and other peoples situations, that when I guy is very paranoid and controlling but yet acts all lovey to you at other times, there is something going on that he doesn't want you to know. ex: another girl(s)

I'm sure that everytime your about show him the door is mostly when he starts buttering you up and telling you he wants to marry you, OR he does it when he thinks your talking to another guy and also him loving you so much is his reason for being so jealous, or he'll just say it "out of the blue" which seems cute?

It's a game. This guy wants to have his cake and eat it too. He's not an idiot. He knows that your not going anywhere and he can get away with this stuff.

I can't tell you what to do and have you like it or take it, but I'm pretty sure that, that's the deal with him.

I'd like to tell you that I'd break up with him, but I didn't do that. I let things get worse and let him break up with me, which, I do NOT suggest. It may be hard for you, but I think you really should find someone else, someone better... If you don't break up with him, my advice would be to at least talk to him and tell him that his jealousy and being controlling needs to stop. Don't let him take over your life because if he ever breaks up with you, it's going to SEEM impossible to start over without him....

Anyway, hope I didn't upset you, but you wanted opinions.

I sincerely wish you the best of luck!!

Unfortenatly that happens a lot.

I'm in college now and I went through a couple of "best friends" too.

People change and that is all a part of growing up. (Not that your like a baby or anything that's not how I mean it. =])

I wouldn't really actually get mad at her and I really wouldn't even say anything to her that's rude or nasty.

For me, I was so busy with the things going on in my life that me and the girl I went through that stuff with in middle school, just drifted apart.

And, honestly we don't hate each other at all.

I've seen her in the past and we've always been able to smile at each other and say hello and everything so, there were no hard feelings.

I would say to just try not to hang around her as much, and if for any reason she asks you, just explain to her that you really feel like you two don't have much in common anymore and your lives are going in different directions and that you really care about her and everything and your not doing it to be rude it's just how things are going right now?

If she hurts your feelings, she's not a good person to surround yourself with, and if she is more negative and complains and your more positive then that can also cause a lot of problems.

You two I'm sure had a great friendship, but this happens to everybody.

I was friend with a girl for 10 years and pretty much after high school we never talked.

We'll always have our memoires but, we both are complete opposites.

She's an amazing girl, like I'm sure the girl is that your talking about.

But, you have do to what's best for you and surround your self with people that fit into your life and with your personality.

So, I'm just saying what I did and what I would do is just nicely and without her really knowing, just give yourself space from her.

I think eventually if she already "forgets" to call you and stuff that it'll die down and you two can still be nice to each other but you won't be "best friends" anymore?

I don't know, I hope this is what you were asking and that this helps. I guess it's kind of hard for me to explain but, I've been there so it's tough.... Sorry if I couldn't help. Good luck! =)

I have to say I really do agree with the last person that answered this.

That girl is a bitch. No if's, and's, or but's. She's rude.

I've been in that situation as well, and like the last person said, don't put yourself at her level.

She's an ugly person. I don't care about her outer appearance. Her personality is nasty.

You shouldn't let her stop you from having a good time. I did let people stop me from doing things that I loved to do and I'll always regret it a little in my heart for allowing someone so insignificant to have that kind of power over me.

Hang in there, and go have a good time.

Ignore her trying to bring you down or make you feel bad or whatever she's trying to do.

Also, like the other person said, try not to think of it as directed at you. Even if she is directing it at you, try not to think of it that way.

You do your thing and live your life and be as happy as you can possibly be, and try your best not to worry about people like her.

Trust me, it's taken me such a long time to get to the point that I am at now, and I wish I had someone there to help me through it.

Go have some fun with your friends from out of town!

And you know what, if you really feel that uncomfortable and you find yourself not being able to have any fun while your there, you can always go home. You don't have to stay.

Your not forced to do anything that you do not want to do. And it doesn't matter why you want to go home or what they are going to think or say about you. Because that nasty, rude girl is going to say and do things whether it is true or not.

Enjoy life, don't like someone so pathetic mess things up for you. I know that sounds corny but seriously.

Hey! =) I really love my life and the things and people in it. I love fashion, make-up, going out, dancing, teaching dance, and being with my friends and family. I feel very blessed for the things I have. It took me a while to get to this point though and I know that growing up, and even people my age, you need advice about certain things every now and then. I've always had people give me advice about things and I've been able to use their advice through my own experience and mistakes and come up with some of my own things. And now I'm the one always helping my friends out. I always have new ideas that I love to share. And well, I can't promise I'll always be able to help or give you the answer you're looking for but, I'll definitely do my best. =)


Also, whether you ask me a question in my inbox or I answer one alone I normally ALWAYS add in my experiences because for me, I like to know when people can relate and aren't just guessing, it's easier when someone has actually been through it. And I'm not going to do any favors by lying, so I am ALWAYS going to be honest. But keep in mind just becasue of my experience and my honesty does not mean I am always right and I understand that. Feedback is appreciated to know what I can work on with certain answers, not demanded.

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