I have had my fair share of life's lessons and learned from them. I come from a family filled with divorce and family problems so I have a rough idea on how to personally handle things.
As for matters of the heart I can tell when a relationship is or isn't going to work. I understand the importance of communication and give and take after spending around two years in a relationship were I almost ran my ex boyfriend's household and looked after his siblings.
I understand that in certain parts of the world I am not yet of legal age to have a sexual relationship and that in some religious circles it is frowned upon for an unmarried woman to do so. What can I say? I have been in love and I have expressed that love but I have always been careful to avoid any trouble. I know how most contraception works and how the system works so don't be afraid.
Gender: Female
Location: UK
Age: 22
Member Since: August 17, 2011
Answers: 144
Last Update: February 21, 2015
Visitors: 9191
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I often have the same routine: do something, argument, she wants to “let it go". I love her and everything, but it's becoming too much. For example, today I found my sister's clothes mixed with mine. So I threw them on her floor. Then my mom yelled at the top of her lungs calling me selfish and I only care about myself no one else in the family. She doesn't just fight with me and my siblings, she gets into HUGE fights with my dad wich includes breaking things and telling each other they hate each other, and threatening with divorces. A few years back my dad left and came back 3 days later without a word about what happened. My mom is also very controlling, planning everything I do in advance, and when my parents get in huge fights, my younger siblings get upset and scared and start crying, and I have to keep them away. I can't express myself to my mom and dad because the only thing my dad knows how to do is shout and hit, and my mom doesn't understand anything, I've tried to tell them, but then I become the bad guy, and an being “rude and disrespectful" and a “brat" I always advise my friends to talk, and that's what I do when I have problems outside of this, but I don't know what to do. My mom had a toxic parent, but I still don't think she should take it out on her own children! (link)
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I guess letting it go is her way of dealing with it. My own mother would rather stay bitter over every argument we had. I think sometimes she over-reacts, realizes and tries to get back to normal as quickly as possible.
Being brought up by a toxic parent can be hard. It is very difficult to fight like crazy to be nothing like them but sometimes genes are hard to escape. Try and comfort your siblings and maybe when your clothes get confused just pop your head into her room and say 'hey, some clothes of yours in here want to come and get them?' rather than throwing them on the floor as I can see why she got annoyed there, maybe a little overboard but still I see why if she has a few loads of washing to do.
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My mother's last boyfriend was a bit unstable. He drank excessively, smoked marijuana, and couldn't manage his money, instead spending it on everything and anything. He recently lost his job, and out of pity my mother let him move back in with us. It's all ready been 4 months and though he's found a job he isn't leaving. He makes everyone uncomfortable. He plays really loud music so that the neighbours complain and drinks and smokes in the house. He hit my brother when he told him to stop. My mother's tried confronting him but he just twists her words around and says 'are you going to throw me on the streets?' and yesterday, I was alone in the house with him, and he was worse than usual and started screaming at me to undress because im such a whore. I don't feel safe in the house, and I'm just a bit scared and worried. Advice? (link)
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This man needs reporting for sexual harassment at least, as I do not know your age, perhaps worse than that.
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I was just wondering how late 19+ kids get to stay out.
Because my mom is trying to enforce a curfew on me. I'm 19 years old, and I really don't go out too much, i don't drink or do drugs, but i like to go to parties and hang out. is that so bad?
is it wrong that i don't think i should have a curfew? its not like i'm staying out till 4 in the morning. its like 230 tops.. & my mom freaks out and won't talk to me.
maybe i'm being ridiculous, but it's pretty embarrassing when you have to leave a party at 1.. when people are just getting there. (link)
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I am 20 and I have a curfew of half ten. Its simple I miss it and I don't get let in as I have no key (another story) part of it is my house my rules, another is that we don't live in a great area and I have already been in a spot of bother in the past. Its parent's way of saying they care.
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Our 16 girl wants to date a 20 year old man who dropped out of High School, doesn't have a job, lives with his mother and is not very intelligent. Our girl is in middle college and gets straight A's.
This all started 3 weeks ago. She lied about his age and the nature of the relationship. One week in we discovered the truth and decided that we had to intervene. After speaking with both of them about how it was not only an immoral, but possibly illegal relationship, he was quick to point out the legal age of consent in our state is 16. We told them to wait until she's 18. He seemed rather upset, so the next day I went to his social network page where he had posted the following:
"me plus you equals violence, creepin up behind you I'm stalking you silent, dressed in all black I'm the nighttime assailant, grab you by the neck and stab you with my nine inch, knife, quick like, I end lifes, no strife, i mean i need just one swipe, and then I wipe, your existence away, I'm the evil son, so let me in to play." I also found older posts of murdering people and my favorite" My penis is a weapon".
Though her mother was with me on keeping them from dating, she is now thinking supervised visits is a better option to divert a possible Romeo/Juliette scenario after we discovered that there were over 1400 texts between them in 9 days. Her thinking is the more time they spend together, the more likely the girl will be to discover that the price charming is really a toad. I think a forced separation is in order complete with GPS activated on her cell phone so we know where she is at all times (she has a car).
I am very saddened by all of this because I had a close relationship with her. I have spent a long time explaining why dating him is a terrible idea and that we are really looking out for her and trying to protect her. Since I was the person who told them to stop, I am now the worst person in America. I know after a period of time she will someday be able to appreciate what I am doing, but for now she thinks I am mean and stupid. It would be helpful to be able to give her reason's on why dating a 20 year old man is not a great idea since my reasons have not resonated with her.
I am totally stumped on what to do in this situation and welcome some new ideas.
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Teenagers! Especially girls my friend can be difficult. I understand your concern sir from the age and personality of the man your daughter is dating. I respect your understanding of the Romeo and Juliet curse and your decision to keep a close eye on your daughter just incase things to turn out not the way they expected.
I know this will hurt but the best way is to let your daughter figure it out for herself, the only way we learn is through personal experience and from the sound of things it will only be a matter of time before your daughter realizes what kind of man her boyfriend is.
When the time comes that she does realize, you have to stand by her and support her, ask her if she would like your help with him.
You are her father and what her to be happy and it is clearly your gut instinct that this man isn't going to do her any good. I have always believed that most parents have an additional sense when it comes to these matters.
Explain to her that it isn't so much his age that is the problem but the type of man he is. After all I am sure if the man was working and was responsible enough to tell you that your daughter his safe with him then things might be different but quite clearly he isn't that type of man.
I hope you can put things right with your daughter and that she comes to realize what the man is like sooner rather than later.
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do you have a good relationship with your mom. what are some things you guys do together. how does she treat you? explain. (link)
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My mother and I have no relationship what so ever. We have not done anything together since I was about 14 when she insisted I helped her with animal fundraising but she never did anything for my enjoyment.
Before I left home she complained about me being in too much, but then complained I was out too much.
She complained if I tried to have a conversation with her but then would tell everyone her daughter doesn't speak to her.
When I asked her why she said I could only speak to her at certain times during the day but everyone else got her full attention whenever they wanted such as the second my stepfather came through the door, she'd ask how work was and so on. When I was working she never asked me this as my shifts mostly ended after 11pm, however on a sunday they finished at 9:30pm but even then she told me that she wanted me 'out of the way because it was late' like I was a five year old kid.
My mum hasn't spoken to me since April, I stood up to her and left home for a while and fell in love with someone she hasn't met but does not approve of. She has always been impossible to please and get on with and I used to think it was me, however me and my stepmother are good friends and my boyfriend has told me that his mum thinks I am the best thing that has ever happened to him.
In conculsion I am ashamed to say my relationship with my mother is non-existant.
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