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Hi, My name is Thanh. I am a 27 year old man with a BA in psychology and halfway through an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy. I was a student therapist at a family center for six months. Ask me about mental health issues, interpersonal relationships (including love life, family issues, friendships, work/school relationships, etc.), GLBT issues, and culinary topics. I enjoy cooking and food and hope to have my own restaurant someday.

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Can anyone on here tell me they know the feeling of absolute despair? That's what I've been going through for the past several months. The past week has been really bad. I haven't been able to think, to focus, to sleep, even to talk is hard because I can't seem to put words behind it. Even my schoolwork is suffering. In my English class for an in-class essay, I couldn't write it. I just couldn't get past the prompt "Choose a novel or play in which a character experiences a point of no return in his life, where his life will never be the same again, and explain its impact on the character." I just couldn't write about that because it so closely paralelled what I'm going through right now.
Please don't think I'm just some 13 year old girl who needs to rebell. I'm 17 and I'm graduating at the end of this year, and everything in my life has been coming to a head. My schoolwork is suffering because I can't seem to find the passion that I used to have for seeking out knowledge, my home life is hell because my mom is emotionally and sometimes physically abusive, and she's trying to block my entrance into college in the fall. I just feel like everything's falling apart and I can't get through this time.
I feel an intense desire to just quit life, to seek out the absolution of death, just to escape the hell I'm living right now. But I'm too afraid to do it. I can't just draw a razor across my wrist. I've already talked to people about this, my high school principal, the director of social services, and a really big source of support has been my boyfriend. But I can't do this anymore, I can't drag anyone else into it, I can't talk one more time and force myself to think about my pitiful excuse for a life and how badly I've screwed things up.
If you've stuck with my ramblings this far thank you. I would really, really appreciate any advice.
Thank you.

Wow. It really sounds like you're going through a rough period. It is really too bad that the person that is supposed to be supportive and help you through this rough time is one of the persons who is causing you distress by emotionally and physically abusing you. Not only that, she is trying to stop you from going to college.

It is really like you are at a fork in the road and you don't know which one to take. Opening one door could mean that others would be closed. It seems like you are paralyzed because you are afraid of making the wrong decision and having to live with it for the rest of your life. Just remember that when doors close, it does not mean that they are closed for good. If your mom is trying to stop you from going to college, maybe your schoolwork is suffering because you feel it's pointless to work hard at school if you're not going onto college.

You say that you can't bring anybody else into this and can't talk about it anymore. But it sounds like you have a very supportive boyfriend. Don't push him away because he doesn't know how to help. Instead, thank him for his support.

You may also want to seek out a therapist. Many people who think that their lives are "pitiful" will seek out the absolution of death. Just the fact that you have written this message tells me that you don't want that to be the answer. Suicide can also be used as a way to get even with the people who have hurt them during life. People think that after they commit suicide, that people will feel bad and feel sorry for what they have done to them, but instead, often people are angry with the person who commits suicide. Usually, the person who commits suicide is not mourned, and often nobody attends the funeral.

Please take my advice and seek out a therapist. It just sounds like there is a lot of underlying issues that can burden you well after you have resolved your current situation. Also, you have some support, use them as well.

I hope that you are not offended by my comments. I am well intentioned. If you feel that I don't know what I'm talking about, just disregard my comments. I hope this helps. Take care of yourself.

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