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So right now I'm feeling very anxious to see this guy that I like. However, when I do see him sometimes I find myself slightly less attracted to him. Or even embarrassed? But only when other people are around. I should explain.
My last boyfriend had flaws that I suppressed in my mind. He is not the most intelligent person ever (This is in no way to be a snob, but he is more of a party-going guy who doesn't like the idea of school. I live to learn and do really well in school so obviously there is a problem). My parents also hated him because they feared he wasn't "right" for me. And also he isn't what I consider extremely attractive. But I really liked him, and even loved him at one point. However, with all of these "flaws" I would sometimes look at him and suddenly be nearly repulsed (that word is too strong, but the point is that from one day to another my feelings for him would change 180 degrees). It's almost like he was a different person but obviously he hadn't changed, it was me who had the problem. Eventually my "hot and cold" behavior was our downfall. It caused so many problems. I broke up with him several times and wanted him back soon after. And he told me several times that I acted very weirdly and changed: that alone I would be one person and in public another. I had problems with "acting like his girlfriend." He told me that I treated him more like a friend. Eventually he stopped loving me and broke up with me for good.
Now I like another boy. And by his behavior I get the idea that he likes me as well. I don't find myself repulsed by him but rather uneasy. I told my friend that I liked him and now whenever I talk to him during class I feel like she is staring at me. I can rationalize that no one really cares and that even if did something stupid and people noticed it wouldn't matter. I'm usually not that self-conscious of myself in general in public. This tends to happen only with crushes or relationships.
I don't know why this happens and am honestly afraid that my last relationship will repeat itself with just a different face. My attraction for this new guy is completely different (he's smart, polite, my parents would like him, etc.) but I'm still afraid that this will happen. I thought that I'd gotten over this issue (it's been 7 months since I ended the last relationship) but I realize that I've just pushed this all under the rug and now it's coming out again. Am I psychologically disturbed? I don't know, but this is very aggravating. :(
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Okay, well, here's the deal. Your mind is playing tricks with you. It's making you think that what happened last time, with your ex boyfriend, will repeat it's self. It's a very normal thing for your mind to do. What you have to do is, just simply tell yourself that things WON'T be the same. Eventually you'll learn to believe it.
Good luck!
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19/F
I've fallen hard for this boy, Taylor, since last January of '09. Last summer, we had a 'thing'...Taylor kissed me and essentially let me know that he reciprocated the feelings. However, things didn't work out because I was entering my first year of college while he was entering his senior year of high school. We were at two different places and decided what was best for us is that we did our own thing. Taylor got a girlfriend, and I began talking to other boys. However, I couldn't stop comparing them to him.
Well, February of this year, we started talking again. He broke up with his girlfriend, and I found out through his best friend that Taylor just didn't feel anything with her and that every time he talked to a girl, he compared her to me. His best friend continued to tell me that Taylor was still in love with me. But (I know this is weird) I saw on Facebook that he was always talking to this girl from work and it got me jealous. I never did anything to confront him or scare him away. After all, we weren't dating. He took me out on a date and ended up kissing me and making moves to basically show that he still had feelings.
He ended up getting real drunk and making out with some girl. He doesn't remember the night. We had a talk and I legitimately believe that...I mean, it doesn't take away the hurt but I've been there and understand. However, this led to a talk about "us", and from what he said, all I can gather is that "he doesn't know where he's at" and "he's in love with me but he wants to try being single for awhile" (he's always had a girlfriend). I called bullshit and he asked me what I wanted, I said I wanted to be with him but what was best for me was to not talk to him until I got my feelings together...he was really upset about this. But today I found out that he's trying to decide between me and the girl from work...me = long lasting relationship, someone who cares, a nice girl...her = a short term fling, really hot but no depth...
Basically, I just don't understand why he would take me out and do all of those nice things when he didn't want anything out of it...he said in the future if he wants a relationship, he wants one with me but I don't want to be the stupid girl that waits. All of his guy friends are telling me he's going through a "phase" but I feel like that's an excuse. I'm tired of feeling like Im not worth the risk. But at the same time, I have never ever ever felt this way for anybody. I really feel something with him and we have something good going on... (link)
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High school guys don't want long lasting relationships. Especially if their in their senior year of high school. He'll be going off to college soon, and going to many parties and getting drunk and making stupid decisions. He's simply trying to find short term flings that will have no hard core relationship parts involved that you're trying to create.
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So my ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. He said he needed some time apart and he just didnt like me as much as he did before. We obviously hungout less and talked less.He got sick and I didn't see him for a whole week ,but he talked to me one of those days.Then in class,we had to work in groups and he wanted to be in my group and ofcourse he flirted with me and what not and we made plans to hangout ,so we went and hungout at his house and watched tv and he wanted me to come lay next to him and we did the classic play fighting etc. and we just talked a lot ( i made sure not to bring up our relationship or anything like that) and we didn't hookup, but the tension was there. Then we went to a volleyball game and sat really close to eachother and it seems like everytime we talk ,i just feel like he looks at me as more than a friend. Also, he left his shoes at my house from a long time ago and i said we could get them after the game but he said "he'd just get them from me over the weekend " implying that we are gonna hangout on the weekend.. i don't know if he still feels for me or just likes me as a friend..I dont want to bring it up because that might push him away because maybe these hangouts are his thinking times to decide whether or not he wants to try again and i don't want to rush him or annoy him so im letting him come to me for hangouts and talking ,etc. or what should i do!? (link)
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First off, you have to talk to him. Letting things go on too long like that, could end up in even more heartbreak for you. Guys who break up with you because they need "time apart" normally just feel too clinged to. So maybe he feels as if how you two are both handling this at the moment is how he wants the relationship to be. That is if he wants another relationship. By simply asking him what he wants shouldn't be annoying him. Just ask him how he feels and that you feel that he is giving way too many mixed signals, and that you think he still likes you. If he does, then talk about what you two are going to do, and talk about the problems you had in your previous relationship. If he doesn't then continue to stay friends, but ask him not to send the mixed signals.
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