about

Hi all,
I came to this site by chance and now that I have arrived I hope I can be of some help. I'm known to be blunt but my bark is worse than my bite:-). I believe people deserve honesty and not to just be told what they want to hear all the time so that is my approach. I have had a lot of ups and downs through life and I have turned a lot of negatives into positives. I have also learned a lot about the nature of people through my trials and hopefully I may be able to help someone help themselves to continue living a happy and prosperous life. Thanks for the opportunity!

advice

ok i have a boyfriend and i think me and him are getting pretty serious. and im pretty sure i love him. And that makes me really scared and it makes me want to cry. lol im a nerd, i know. But its really scary. Im kinda scared of commintment(sp?)
iv never really stayed with one guy for long. And i really love him and i want to stay with him. My heart says stay. But my mind says go...Even though hes all i think about anymore. Iv never been in love. SO i guess what im asking is,
how can i be less scared of being in love?
How do i really know im in love?
How can i make my heart and mind agree with eachother. (lol)
Because i really dont want to hurt him again....

I say do nothing because what you are feeling is what all of us older cats fall in love for:-). I can't remember the last time I felt like that because now I mostly think with my head and not my heart. I am still a hopeless romantic though and I think it is natural to feel a little scared when you love someone because unlike just being IN love, there is more at stake. Your heart your pride and your self esteem. By now though, it is too late to turn back because your heart is as good as gone:-D. Just go with the flow and it will settle down soon enough and you will enjoy the feeling. But maybe even later down the road you will feel scared from time to time as your love grows. Real love is deeper than infatuation and hopefully it will bring positive experiences to your life...I thin k you will not hurt him if you accept what you are feeling and don't run from your feelings. Try being the best of friends first even if you tell him something different. Sometimes its the pressure of commitment that makes us uncomfortable. Does that help?

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So me and my boyfriend's 1 year anniversary is coming up. We're both 14. But in a very mature relationship. We mess around and stuff; but out of love. We want to get married and all that good stuff. This isn't a stupid immature young teenage relationship, trust me.

So, I wrote a 365 reasons why I love you, memories, etc thing. I was thinking of making it into a scroll but that wouldn't be very cute. So I thought of like a binder/scrapbook type thing. But I'm trying to think of anything else I could do with it. Any ideas?

And besides cooking, buying him clothes, etc. What else could I do for him? Make it age appropriate. He wants a handjob and we are going to mess around more. So I've got that covered. But any other ideas about what I could get him or do for him. I kind of want to surprise him because I know he has a ton of surprises for me.

Thanks in advance!

I am talking about just being yourself and allowing things to progress naturally, I wasn't sure of your views because your question sounded like you were trying too hard to enjoy all of the physical aspects of being grown when you were probably referring to your emotions as not being puppy love. Is that right? When I said play, but play responsibly I meant trying to abstain from behaviors that can lead to sex. Oral sex and hand jobs are in the same category to me because arousal is involved and pretty soon you just want more. In my view, the thought of something is better than the act because the excitement lasts longer so you don't even have to go that far, but I am not trying to tell you what to do. You are on the right track and I am sorry if I misread your original comment.Thanks for the response! Also, how about a giving him a gold/silver necklace or bracelet with a symbol on it that is special to you or symbolic for you both or a watch to symbolize all of the times you had together? Too corny?:-)

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THis may be complicated.

I live 28 hours away from the person I love. Here is where it is complicated. I've met him once, he has been my pen-pal for almost 2 years now. I "met" him through my friend which is also his friend as well. (they've actually met) I went down this summer and I met him and things went more then great. I would move for him in a heartbeat & i am sure he would too but he cant (literally). Any advice as what to do? I cant stop thinking about him, i know my world would seriously flip upside down if I did not have him. Call me crazy, but i love him. I am not young & stupid. I am 19 and this is not just a toy thing because if this was just a lil dinky stage i was going through i wouldnt waste it on a guy 28 hours away.

SHould I move?
What should I do?

Two years is a long time to have been a pen pal with someone. I do believe you lovehim and long distance relationships can work but by now something should be working out in your favor if it is going to work. I think you should do more investigating and weigh all the costs before pursuing any drastic action. If you have no ties at home and you want to move make sure you have a job and a place to stay that will be fulfilling to you as well so that you can continue to grow even within the relationship. Please do not just focus on your emotions because love works both ways. You should love yourself just as much and make decisions that will benefit you too. The best love is the kind that helps you and others to grow, not to just rely on your feelings alone. Use your head and your heart to be smart.

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me and my boyfriend have been dating 6 and a half months and i want to do something romantic for him for no reason . any ideas?

Well it depends on your level of commitment but if you are both legal how about going to a spa together and getting massages and the whole nine. On a lesser scale take him to his favorite restaraunt or order his favorite meal and have the staff at the restaraunt give him A-1 service so he knows you are his #1 fan. There are so many things you can do today to show someone you care even if it means sending them a heart o gram. Does this help? I'm afraid I need more info to be specific.

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hi me and my boyfriend have been dating for 6 and a half months im 19 and so is he when we first starting dating it was great he called me every night he texted me all the time and we always had fun together now he rarely calls or texts if he does call its around midnight and if i call him he is always with his friends and either says i cant talk right now or he talks to them the whole time while i am on the phone listeneing and sometimes he calls me when he is with the friends and i just have to listen to him talk to them and now we are always fighting he never invites me to do anything with him and his friends anymore either he awways teels me wat hes doing as hes doing it doesnt even invite me and his friends are over every night and he says he didnt invite them that they have a key and he doesnt even wanna b there with them we never really go out anymore we just sit at home and watch tv he says he is always romantic but i cant even remember the last time he was, we only see each other like 1 a week, we both really love each other wat should i do to help our relationship

You know I would really like to say something positive about this situation but the only thing I can say is that it is not too late to get out of it. Six and a half months is almost too long to be in an uncommitted relationship and clearly that is what it is. Yu are committed but he is not. I have been here done this so many times. I used to try everything like ultimatums and asking them what I did wrong. Guys like to make excuses and if sex is involved they will hold on to you just for the sake of having someone to get it from. This is hard to hear but don't let anyone tell you that a call in the middle of the night is not a booty call because it is. When a gentleman really wants to pursue you they make time and they don't let friends get in the way. If you are not having sex then it is clear that he wants to because he is still allowing you to call him and he is still communicating with you but realize that those conversations are not quality ones.You might as well be talikng to the television. But don't take my word for it... try this. Next time he calls at midnight just ask him straight out if he wants to have sex and see what he says. If he says yes put him on front street about it and if he says no then ask him why he is calling you at booty call hours. Is there someone else so he has to sneak and call? Whatever the case something is wrong and you need to be happy just as much as anybody. You're so young that you can still have fun and there are plenty of guys out there...don't sell yourself short but give him something to think about.Life is too short--Have fun!

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my boyfriend and i have been dating for 5 months. he is 18 and just graduated high school in may. in all the time we've been dating, or since i've known him which was in august, he hasn't had a job. he had a car until he got his license suspended in november for a speeding ticket. this means that all this time we've been dating, I'VE been either going to his house to see him or been lugging him around everywhere we go and I'VE been paying for us to go out. and quite honestly, i hate it. he was supposed to get his license back in april but couldn't because it costs over $200 and he doesn't have the money. his parents are helping him and he's mad at THEM for the fact that he cant get it back. he has done some yard work and stuff for neighbors to get money occasionally but it's just not a stable job you know? he's not aspiring to go to college so whatever he does is just going to be a job, not a big career. he's takin me out and payed for me a few times, but it's majority me 95% of the time. we dont even go out every night or anything. his mom is apparently on his case to get a job, which he hates. he's always complaining of sittin around bored when im not there and ill ask him 'do you have a job yet?' or 'why not go look for a job?' and he gets ill. i understand that he doesnt want me nagging him about getting a job or getting his license back like his parents do, but on the other i dont just wanna lay back and let him think im some bank. i've had a job for a year and a half and i work for my money and i pay for the gas in my car that's used when we go out. i dont wanna push him about it because that's what caused my best friend and her boyfriend of almost a year to break up, because they were in the same exact position and she was sick of riding him around and paying for him, and he was sick of her nagging so he dumped her. i dont wanna be like that, but he's 18 for god's sake. he has to do SOMETHING with his life besides rely on other people or else it's not gonna be me that he relies on. everytime i ask him about finding a job, he's always like "im workin on it" or some smart remark, but i've never once seen him turn in any application anywhere, or heard him say he's been out looking for a job. i just want him to be responsible, and be able to get his license back and be able to have a [i hate to say this but..] "normal" relationship. that doesnt mean i want him to shower me with gifts and jewelry and go to a fancy dinner everynight, but being able to go out to eat or to the movies would be great sometimes without me having to pay. he has zero dollars saved up to get his license back, and not one speck of a job in sight and he could honestly careless. i know it bothers him that he doesn't have his car but i want him to DO something about it. i hate it, my mom hates it that im in this situation AGAIN because it was the same exact thing with my ex, and just UGH! how can i talk to him and try to encourage him to get a job without sounding like a mother? i've even tried by telling him places that are looking for help and would be easy, even part-time jobs, but no. what can i dooo? i hate doing this!

It's obvious that your boyfriend needs a job [and maybe some counseling] but what about you. The hidden problem in all of this is that you have a tendency to need to take care of someone and the fact is you need and deserve so much more. When I first started reading your question I thought of myself because I have been through this so many times. Two important things my mother always taught me was that most of the time she was right[she was] and that you can't fix anyone. A person has to see that they have a problem and then show a desire to change. That desire comes from action, not just saying the words. If something happens to you and you are not able to take care of yourself, he will be no good to you because he is someone who likes to be taken care of. My advice to you [and that is all it is], is to leave this one alone for a while if not indefinitely. It doesn't mean that you have to find someone else but it does mean that you need to get in touch with what validates you more than other people. Ask yourself why you need to take care of others, especially when you are not married to them or getting paid for it. Realize the truth that he doesn't want to work and stop making excuses for him. He may be a really great guy but right now you are enabling his behavior and setting yourself up for heartbreak down the road.Sometimes we can get caught up in our emotions and feelings of obligation to the point of suffocation so take a break...it might do you both some good.

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