about

Hi everyone and welcome to my advice column! My name is Jessica. This is me in Barcelona on the top of La Sagrada Familia which is a very famous cathedral designed by Antoni Gaudi.

I found out about Advicenators by mistake on google but I glad I stumbled upon it it because I love helping people, which naturally I use as a Spanish Teacher. If you have a problem and I can relate to it in anyway I will try to answer it to the best of my ability. Never hesitate to ask me a question, I hope I can help!

advice

Is it possible to fall in love at 17? I have been with my boyfriend for only 4 months, but there is such an intense energy between us. We talk all the time and are together at every moment possible. we are similar in our core beliefs, but disagree on many topics. Disagreeing has sparked tons of interesting conversations between us. everytime i think about him or someone says his name i smile and get a warm, fuzzy, happy feeling. we trust and respect one another and have good sexual chemistry (we have not however, had sex and will not for quite some time)

I am almost positive that i love him, but ever since i was young people have always told me that you can't fall in love in high school. I want to get some outside oppinions and find out if the things i am feeling are what is generally classified as love.

thanks loves!
me*

There is no rule book to when people fall in love or get married or anything else in life. Of course you can fall in love when you are in high school. The person who told you youcan't didn't want it to happen to you. it sounds like you found a keeper (for now). I fell in love with my boyfriend when I was 18 and we are still together 5 years later. I can only tell you that had I believed I was too young to fall in love I would be missing out on a great thing because for me it keeps getting better and better. Listen to your heart and your own feeling they are your best guide.

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15/f, i like this guy whos in 11th grade and hes on the track team with me. we're friends, and he always calls me his "bestest bud" and always hugs me when he sees me, and teases me, and well when im near him he always puts his arms around me, around my waist or shoulders. and when we are out like, eating at a restaurant with the team (team dinners) he always has me sit next to him, or just pays attention to me. well its obvious to you readers that i like him a little, it may just be a crush but hes sweet and hes nice and cares, we just talk and well i feel good when im with him. soo do you think he likes me, what should i do around him, because track season is almost over (this wed.) and we wont see eachother as much, maybe like 1 time a day for like 1 minute! soo i dont know what to do, hes just someone i want to stay in my life, even if its just as a friend! help, any advice??? I WILL RATE 5'S!!!!!!

Jujst because track is almost over doesn't mean your friendship has to be over. tell him you want to hang out. The more you hang out with him, especially in a different setting, the more you have a chance to let him see you in a different light. If you guys hang out alone you'll probably have a better oppourtunity to become more than just friends.

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But can I be in love and just not know it?
Someone should know if they where in love,right?
But if I'm not in love with him, why did I cry
so hard that I could not breath today? When my friend and I seen him. He just looked at me and didnt say or do anything just look at me with no emotion. Not ever a smile. I think I'm gonna lose my mind.

You could definitely be in love and not know it. The answer is in how you define love. What I mean is, if you always think of love as romance and they way it is in the movies, maybe the actual love you have doesn't register on your love-meter. If you're feeling the way you do I would try being with him again and see how it goes.

You could be in love and just not be ready for it.

Before I started dating my boyfriend, we were friends for two whole years. I knew he liked me, and I think I loved him back... For some reason I couldn't bring myself to go out with him, he was great and everything you would want in a guy. I think that I was not ready for the kind of love I would have with him. It was almost two heavy, too much. I was 18 at the time I started dating him, it was really weird but I felt like it I was with him that was it for me. The feelings I had were so big that it that it took me two years to recognize I had feeling for him. I had nothing to compare my feelings to, because I had never felt that way before. For 2 years, I would ask my friends what is wrong? Do you think I love him? and all the questions you're asking. After a while they would just roll their eyes, and say just do something! Finally I couldn't take it anymore and I decided to jump in, even though I knew I would jump in so deep I might never be with anyone else or even want to be with any one else again. Fast forward 5 years and I am still with my boyfriend, and I think it's the best decision I have ever made.

But I realized that nobody can tell you how you feel, you have to decide, but I also realized it is possible not to know. Also he won't know how you feel until you tell him, so when you figure it out let him know. You probably love him...

To me love (in the romantic sense) is when you have so much fun with the person or enjoy the person so much it's almost as if time stands still. As if you're in your own small world. At least that in the beginning. I hope you figure it out, let me know.

Jessica

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Well, today I asked my bf if he'd told everyone about us (we've been together 6 months today) and he said he had except one girl. When I further probed him about why, I found out she was a girl he had asked out (but she refused) before we got together. Well, he won't tell her because her parents seem to think he's a suitable candidate for her to marry and he thinks they would be hurt if they found out he was in love with someone else. I feel really hurt by this, because even though I know he meant well not to hurt them, I feel this shows he has feelings for her still, or at least is trying to save has as "Backup" in case things don't work out.
Am I justified in feeling this way ? Or could he have genuinely wanted to spare their feelings? Or does this mean there are some genuine problems in our relationship?

I will rate. And thank you.

Well I think that even if it is true that he was trying not to hurt them, he wound up hurting you in the process. You're his gf anf you should be the priority, especially since you have been with him for half a year. I don't think that is a problem that can't turn around, but it will definitely give you insight into what you mean to him and how he feels about your relationship.. If I were in your place I would use this as an opportunity to communicate your values, such as honesty, loyalty and so on to him. If he feels the same as you you can put this behind you and communicate (which is the most important thing) to one another.
If he doesn't want to talk about the issue, you'll know where he stands, and what kind of person he is.
Good Luck!

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hey whats up i haven't been on here for a longg time i've been going through alot right now and how does it feel like to get your first kiss because my boyfriend wants to move up in realtionship and like iam not sure if iam ready for my first kiss because i don't know how...

thanks lauren

Hey Lauren-
Kissing is great, but only if you feel ready... Don't rush into anything with any boyfriend if you don't feel ready, this advice goes for anything that involves a boyfriend. Keep in mind that if you kiss a boy that pressures you to do it, you probably won't enjoy it.

You won't know how to kiss until you actually kiss someone, chances are the boy doesn't know how to either, and if he does it doesn't mean he's an expert.

When you're ready... kissing a guy you like feels great because usually you know that he like you back.

Oh and if he cares about you, he'll wait until your ready.

-Jessica

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well im going out with this guy.
and i have been wanting to DATE him for about 2 years now. and now that i have him ;; im kinda bored b.c when i was wanting him. i always had somthing to do. and now that i have him i feel like there nothing else to want so what can i do now.
the relationship is amazing its just.. you know werid b.c i got everything i wanted and i feel like theres. nothing else to want. and now i dont know what i should do?

You are in danger of falling into a distructive cycle! Stop......and think about what you're feeling. This seems to be the classic case of "the grass is always greener on the other side". Is this the first time you have felt this way? or has this happened with friends, clothes, or any other material things...

What drew you to this guy? What is cool about him? Do you have fun with him?

Start evaluting what you feel in the moment for this guy, fill your time with what you can do with the guy. Also this guy seemed to consume your life before you started going out with him, maybe now that you are with him and he is actually in your life, you could look for something that you really enjoy so you could focus your energy on that. Sometimes when you are in a relationship you need to have something outside the relationship so tha you have something to talk about with your partner.

Good Luck!

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my bf fingered me (barely)for the first time. he put two fingers in, but it was only like 1 inch. the following day i was bleeding, however i didn't feel any pain. is it still possible he popped my cherry?

Yes

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okay well. i`m 13/f and have never had a boyfriend. i don`t wanna be mean, but even some pretty ugly girls in my grade have boyfriends. and i want one..that i like. i dont just want one because its "cool". i want someone to like me for who i am and such. i dont know ? i guess what i`m asking is how do you think i can get one and find someone who likes me ? i`m athletic, pretty tall, outgoing, skinny, and nice. and i don`t know what else i shoud do ? please give me some advice -- some real advice and if your just going to bad talk, dont even bother..thanks

Ok, first the kind of boyfriend you want won't just show up because you feel ready for a boyfriend. All the qualities you listed about yourself are external qualities... A boyfriend who likes you for you won't show up until you know who you are... You might say well I know who I am... but let's face it there are 50 year olds who still don't fully know who they are...

This is the advice part...
Don't wait for a boy, find out what you love in life... (and I am not talking about boys or clothes or make-up) I'm talking about what in this world makes you excited and want to do good things in this world. This may take years, and it may even change throughout your life. This is the secret nobody tells you: If you focus on something you love doing, that fills your soul everything else falls into place. The boy that you want, the one that loves you for you, will show up and and the best part is that you will be ready for that kind of boy. Trust me you are not ready for that boy until you fully know yourself.

Oh one more secret: The girls who seem to have it all right now (the ones with boyfriends, kissing...and anything else) most probably are caught up in the moment, and in a few years all the boys will be board and over them. In a few years the boys that are worth anything will want someone who is cool enough to actually have a conversation, and who is interesting enough to hold their attention for more than just a few months.

Respect yourself, and other people will...
You will that yourself for following a definite path when you get to be in your twenties and you're sorta kinda confused of what to with your life. You'll be a better person and find better people!
Good Luck!

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