Hi,

You need to stop trying to justify him acting like this and overlooking the seriousness of it! He is abusively controlling. You talk about 'his rules' - your boyfriend is not supposed to be in charge of you and your life - you are supposed to be!! If you continue in this relationship the way it is the danger is you will just start to accept this as normal. You will end up with know one in your life apart from your boyfriend and he will run every aspect of your entire life - the really frightening thing is that this is probably the outcome your boyfriend would very much like. You need to get out of this situation now and the fact is he will not and can not change over night - please, please leave him and get out of this situation! You need to decided whats more important - your sanity, long term happyness, freedom, friends and family - or this one guy. Staying in this relationship will not end well for you!

You say he is the way he is because of his past. This may be true however you must not use this as a justification for his actions. If he is the way he is because of his past then its very clear he needs to come to terms with whatever happened and learn to move on BEFORE he is ready for a relationship.

I understand you love him and feel you can't live without him but I absolutely assure you that you can. Sometimes the right choice is a very hard one to make. I hope you can make it.

Take Care

Ashok

I would end it and move on. How can you ever fully trust someone who has cheated on you? and although not always the case - cheaters normally cheat again! I know everyone makes mistakes but cheating is different I think - because if they were truly dedicated to and in love with you they wouldn't even think of cheating! I don't like cheaters - you should have more self respect than to stay with a cheater!! My honest advice - end it and move on.

Take care
Ashok

Hi,

Older people, especially parents, are always telling young people who claim to be in love that they are too young to be in love or understand what it is. I think this is an over simplistic, dismissive and patronising way of looking at it. While it is true that lots of people at 14 will talk about being in love when in fact they are not - I don't think that's because 'all 14 year olds are too young to be in love' its just because they haven't experienced it yet and therefor couldn't know what it really is to be in love. This does not mean that no 14 year old can be in love - there isn't an age were all of a sudden you get the capacity to be in love. It depends on you as a person and also when you meet the right person and develop a relationship with them. You know how you feel - don't let it upset or worry or anger you that some people wont accept you love this boy. If you love him and you know it and he knows it that's all that matters. And if as you get a bit older you come to realise it wasn't love then that's OK too, its all part of growing up.

Take care

Ashok x

You don't need to do anything! You are not with him anymore - move on with your life. Ashok

Why did my boyfriend go to a gay pub with his gay friend? Are you serious? Lots of straight guys go in gay pubs and clubs with or even sometimes without gay friends - it's not compulsory to be gay to go to a gay pub /club and going there does NOT make your boyfriend gay! If your boyfriend going to a gay pub with a friend of his who is gay makes you uncomfortable then you might want to have a think about how grownup you are! Ashok

Hi,
He might be trying to make you jealous however he might just be trying to make it clear he has moved on and is not available. It's also possible he is just talking to you as a friend and trying to get some advice. I do find 'the only girl I have been faithful to' a very unpleasant thing to say! My advice is this: have a good long honest think - are you really over this guy and do you just want to be friends? By your reaction to him talking about his girlfriend and using words like 'chemistry' I would say you still have feelings for him and are missing having him in your life as a boyfriend. If this is the case it's not going to be good for you to have him as a friend at the moment - it will not help you move on. Getting over break ups and moving on can be very hard, we have all been there. Sometimes it's possible to stay friends with an ex and sometimes it just isn't and when that's the case you just have to accept it is for the best and have a clean break. Based on what you say my feeling is put him behind you, stop trying to be friends and move on - but that is your decision to make. Ashok

Hi,
Having feelings for an ex can be very hard. It's something we all experience sometimes. As for what you should do - the answer is nothing! Don't do anything to try and get back with him - he has dumped you twice, don't put yourself in that position again. Time is a healer and you will move on. Surround yourself with your friends and people who care about you and tell them how you feel. And having a look round for some other guys you like might help too ;-)
Ashok

Hi, As a teenager I was an avid Adviceators columnist! After years have passed and I'm a bit older and I hope a bit wiser I'm back! Honest no nonsense advice is what I'm all about!

I'm listening....
Ashok
London, UK

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