stargirl51's advice column | stargirl51's Advice About Work/School Relationships

askstargirl51

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Hi im a 16 year old female. And I want to go to Spelman University. Im a high school senior graduating in June. But the problem is I live in Virginia, and my mother wants me to go to an all girl college, but she wants me to stay in Virginia, really Richmond cuz thats where we live. But I've already gotten my hopes up on Spelman, Ive been wanting to go there for so long. My question is how can I convice her to let me go.

Well, you don't even know if you've gotten in yet.

So ask this question when you've been accepted to Spelman. That's the better time to discuss whether or not your mom can let you go to college elsewhere.

Things change over time. You might find another University you're interested in by the time you're a junior or senior in high school.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: 17/m

Im from North Carolina.

About a year ago I met a girl who is two years younger than me from Ohio at a convention in Saint Louis. We didnt talk much then but we swapped phone numbers and now we talk nearly every day; texts, instant messenger, myspace, phone call, etc. I really enjoy talking to her and im certain she does also. Since the convention, we have gotten to know eachother well and are great friends.

I now have feelings for her and I sense that she feels the same way but I dont like the idea of a long-distance relationship. I think it would just become too difficult to maintain despite how often we talk and how comfortable we are sharing things wigh eachother.

Neither of us have acknowledged any feelings but we often speak of relationships. Often she sulks about how all of her friends have boyfriends yet she is doubtful that she will ever have one. I assure her everytime that she most certainly will (not neccesarily me but just in general).

We have planned a trip with eachother for three years from now during the summer she graduates from Highschool. My plan was to not mention my feelings for her untill our trip because we will be older and will be able to visit more often. I could even move closer to her.

I am uncertain how she feels as far as long-distance relationships. I fear that if she does not feel the same way I do concerning them that she will assume that I am not interested in her and will lose interest in me before too long.

Because of this, I have considered talking with her about it but I am uncertain what to say. I dont want to start a relationship with her now because we are still young and it would be hard to maintain. However, I still dont want to ruin my chances of ever having one with her by not saying anything.

I need to make a decision but I think an outside opinion (or two) would be helpful first. Any advice that anyone has for me would be great. She is one in a million and I dont want to blow it.

This is seriously so cute. I wish there were guys like you when I was younger.

Ahem. Anyway...

Chances are that she's already dangled a sort of line to you. To see if you'll bite or feel out if you have feelings for her. It's there, just gotta pay a wee bit of attention, haha. Like when she laments to not having a boyfriend, that kinda translates to "You should speak up if you like me like that."

Admitting feels for either party is not that easy. It's almost like a game of chicken you guys are playing: "Who's gonna say it first?" Since you guys have talked about relationships, a safe way to start would be during such conversation. You could ask her what she thinks of long distance relationships. Just outright like that. Her radar's gonna go off so pay very close attention to how she answers as well as what she answers. Because what she says is one thing. How she says it is an entirely different thing. Once she answers, you could tell her how you feel about long distance relationships. From there, hopefully, you'll feel a little bit more courageous to tell her how you feel.

Now, once everything's out in the open, you might want to slap on the fact that you think that you're both still young and it would be hard to maintain. when a guy bares his soul, lots of girls are usually very touched (see: various boybands and fangirl reactions) so she would see to it that she would be honest with you too. This is especially true if your friendship is as close as you say it is.

Best of luck!

Cheers,
stargirl

Q: during school i always act all uptght and everything, it's hard for me to be chill when im a little nervous. what are ways i can just relax?

Breathe.

I know. It's strange to hear but take a moment and just take in several deep breaths. Concentrate only on inhaling through the nose and filling up your lungs from the bottom of your diaphragm to the top then exhaling through your nose starting from the bottom of your diaphragm to the top of your lungs.

You could also take anxiety classes/workshops that are available.

But it sounds like you just need to breath and settle yourself back into the moment.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: hey
at my school my friends made up these nicknames that are guys names for all the girls in my class it was fun for a while until they dropped it but my nickname(timmy) stuck with me and i don't like it but they have gotten so used to calling me timmy one of them even forgot my real name!and because im a girl with a guys name apparently that makes me a he she. so now most people at my school who know me know me by the name of timmy. and no one would dance with me at the school dance we had on our overnight trip. well only one girl danced wwith another guy but still.what should i do.
plz help me
timmy494

Next time someone calls you Timmy, say "No, my name is actually *insert your name here*. Not Timmy."

It'll start off slow but keep at it and soon Timmy will be erased forever.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: At my old school everybody was really mean to me, so I left. So now, I am at my new school, but I have only made 3 new friends =[. I get really shy around people that I don't know and I never know what to talk about when I'm around people. I really do want to make friends, but I feel like it's just not possible. How can I break out of my shell?

I guess it's a question of which you would rather: lots of friends that you don't really trust or a handful of friends you do trust.

Sometimes it takes years to break out of your shell. But you can do it by doing small things like...joining clubs of similar interests at your school. that's a quick way to make friends. Plus you would already have a subject to talk about with them. a connection with them.

One of the things to break shyness is to find your niche. It may take a while but once you do, a whole new you would emerge.

So...just relax and don't worry about it! Let people see the real you and the ones that are worth the time and attention will make themselves known.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: ok so my bf is amazing...he just doesn't see me as sexy as he should. He has the beg respect for me but other "sexy girls" attract his attention. Im seeing him this weekend and I just want him to think of me in a whole new sexy way without losing the respect. I want him to think "Damn! I've never see this in her!"

Is that possible and how? Thanks :)

-mandaaa 16

There are PLENTY of ways to be sexy but still keep your dignity.

Dress in clothes that play up your assets and play down the things you're not so confident about.

Take up a bellydancing class. Installs confidence galore and is a very respectful ancient tradition.

Learn to improve your confidence. If anything, it will definitely make his head turn.

cheers,
stargirl

Q: How do you know when you are completely over some one and ready to date again becasue I am in a bit of this sitation..after I broke up with my intense boyfriend..like 2 weeks later I am going out with another guy..is that okay or am i moving too fast and not thinking about what might happen?

ps-I'm just a teenager..

Thanx a bunch!

You should date around! Like the previous columnists have just said, you're a teenager! This is the time to sample the buffet that is boys. Then you get to college and sample the buffet that is...MEN.