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I have created a really messed up situation with my regional sales manager at work. We both did wrong but now I am stuck and not sure how to untangle it all without damaging my future. Even though I resent some things that have happened I am also not interested in causing problems for her or my company if it can be avoided.
I am 28M (Josh) and a field sales representative for past three years. I am still one of the youngest people with a territory my size and my growth and retention numbers are consistently higher than most. I work with buyers for other companies, so building strong personal relationships is important and my buyers seem to love me a lot and I work hard for them.
The person who hired me is a 38F (Vickie) and she is the youngest regional manager in our company and consistently in the top 5 people in that category companywide. She gets major recognition annually at a company event year after year. She is also incredibly sexy, very flirtatious, and wicked smart. She is also born closer.
So the problem is we have been having a sexual affair since the day I interviewed. We are both single but it is obviously totally unprofessional. For three years now we spend 48 hours in a hotel room twice a month when she visits my territory. We spend 30 minutes going over my sales numbers and projections. We maybe do 6 hours of calls on major clients. The rest of the time it is relentless sex with her in charge. No romance. Just a sex marathon.
I could try and blame her and say she seduced me or whatever but I have always been a more than eager participant so I am just as much at fault. To be honest I found it exciting and I am gym rat when not working at least partly to keep her happy with me. For whatever reason I crave her feedback on my sexual performance just as much as my job performance (which is a running joke between us).
I think I would have been hired anyway but it did not hurt she was into me and I consented to her advances. Even if I had someone else as my manager or we never had a side relationship, I feel I have proven myself on my merits with my growth and retention numbers. The one thing you could call favoritism was when a senior field representative leaves because we are in a hiring freeze my boss gets to re-assign the book of existing business to existing rep’s and I have gotten far more than my fair share of this business. It is easy money as long you take care of those existing clients. I estimate this favoritism has increased my income about 25 percent. As far as the company is concerned though, I make them a lot of money taking care of those buyers, making them happy, and doing my job well.
Here is the dilemma. I have met someone else more my age (Julia) I genuinely like at my gym. She is wonderful, we have so much in common, she is a far better person than I am but makes me want to be better. We have only had one official date but I want to get more serious. There is a lot of sexual tension even just flirting at the gym but she has been very clear she is not easy and is not going to be a “victim” of my charm,” which makes me respect her more. All the normal things I do to impress a girl she sees through and laughs at but does not seem to hold my obvious fails against me. My feelings about her are really growing. Obviously, there is no way I can get serious about Julia if I am having an ongoing sexual affair with Vickie.
I had a direct conversation with my boss, however, and she said there was no reason to stop our sexual activities and when I said I was not “comfortable” with it anymore she was very aggressive and threatened to reassign the clients. I gave in to the normal weekend of sex. If anything, she was more demanding than ever. Being blackmailed took the joy out of it, but I felt desperate to keep her happy at least for now. For the first time though I felt like the shameless man-whore I realize I have been the whole time.
If I complain and go over her head, I would be in just as much trouble. It would also be a lie to say it was anything but consensual until this last time. Plus she is a star inside our company and I am just like a baby star at best. She is more valuable to the company for PR purposes (as a female leader) and because she honestly is extremely good at her job. I am far more replaceable no matter how well I have done so far. She has allies who would help her crush me. If I quit and just walk away, I lose an incredible income which I cannot believe I am earning at my age and I am proud of what I have done in my territory. I am debt free and no one dependent on me so if I had to start over I would not be in crisis. It just sucks. Even if I had not met someone, this sexual relationship with my boss could not go on forever.
If I do get myself out of this situation, how much should I share about all this with my new person (assuming she is willing to pursue a more serious relationship than our one date)? I am also worried I may be less impressive with my current income level. I am not saying she is all about money and in fact she probably is not but I guess a lot of my ego is tied to my income at this point. I am not saying I cannot rebuild and do well at something else it is just discouraging to think about it.
Thank you for your help. Josh.
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Dear Mr. Office Affair,
It's not that you can't give up this affair is that you won't. If you are proud of the work that you have done then take it to another company that would appreciate your talents. You are not wanting or needing this type of stress and what you do by allowing it to happen is devalue yourself as a person and as a rep. You are looking for reassurance and satisfaction with someone who empowers themselves with manipulation and threats so even so, why would you ever want to be in a relationship with someone like that. You have the opportunity to change your life and possibly find something special with someone else. There are many jobs out there and companies that ate looking for strong talent but there is only one of you and allowing yourself to fall in this type of pattern will make you lose and question who you are. It's not about betting in risking your job or your relationship, but betting in yourself that you can move on and not worry about what someone else says or does that you think will affect your life. It is your life to live and control. Not anyone else. If you want to start a new job, start a new relationship or even a new life then do so knowing that you are living your life and not one that someone else manipulates or controls. And just because a person has power or control in a company doesn't mean they have those things over you.
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Hi so me and my ex bf were together for 2 months and a couple days the brakeup was bad he was the one who brakeup with me we haven't talked for a month and then he wrote on his Facebook page that he wants me back so I told him that if he really loved me he would've text me or call me so we kept on talking he flirt with me but I didn't he told me to text him I did and then I ask him if he love me he said "you already know... but if you want to hear that then yes I do he asked me if i love him i said "I think so cause I can't get over you" we kept on talking then he said hmu later I said that no that he needs to put some effort too he said okay I'll text you tomorrow and it's been 2 weeks since that I don't know if I should just move on please help! (link)
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Dear Waiting by the Phone,
It's apparent here that no communication means no relationship. If someone is not talking to you at all how would expect to grow in a relationships with no communication? Isn't better for you to be with someone who wants to talk or communicate with you. Why put yourself to the trouble of wanting someone who can't even take the time to communicate. A text or call or even a letter would show but it seems like he gave you his resignation of this relationship since its been two weeks anyway. There is no doubt that there is a better person out there who is willing give you their time and even respect you more by communicating what they feel and what they want. Instead of pining over nothing you should be focused finding a something! It's easier than feeling sorry for yourself or ever letting someone ever making you feel that way again.
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So I'm 17 and go to college in England.
I get very high grades and have lots of plans for the future in terms of career and stuff. I'm friendly with alot of people.
But everyday when I walk around college, I feel self consciouss. Like no one ever comments on how nice I look/dont look.I'm very thin and have thick brown hair (when all girls have straight hair)
I know that alot of girls try alot harder than me on their appearence, probably sacrificing their grades along the way.
How can I feel attractive in myself? Is there anything I should wear/do/say? (link)
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Sometimes our insecurities can come from two different places, what people say and what people don't say. I find it that when people don't say anything you feel self conscious because you may feel no one likes you. First, you have to start liking and appreciating yourself better. The fact that you do well and school and have future plans speaks volumes about you. And you are friendly with a lot of people which is good. But if you are looking for reassurance than just look for it within yourself. Be comfortable with who you are and where you are going. There will be people that will tell you that you look good or even compliment you but that should never define you. Be confident with yourself. If you are always looking for compliments than you lose sight of more important and valuable things in your life. Your self-respect and dignity is never questioned when you are comfortable with yourself. Just enjoy your life and be happy with who you are because bigger and better things are yet to come.
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So I'm a girl and don't talk to any guys.
Recently I was in a group interview and noticed how the other girls spoke to the guys with ease. I thought it was because they knew each other-but they didn't!
Its just idk i just think whenever I talk to a guy they'll just presume I like them like that. How do you talk to guys because this isn't healthy! (link)
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Sometimes listening before saying anything is a good way for you to engage conversation. Let guys around you talk and then chime in on the conversation. Doesn't mean you like someone if they bring up a topic first and then gets you in there to talk about it. Sometimes a great listener will have a better chance of keeping the conversation going rather than talking someone's head off. Remember it's a conversation, not an interview!
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thing is i am happy person but some reason i have my lip close look like i am frowning how i get ride of that? i mean i feel like i have to smaile all the time show i not frowing lol. thanks (link)
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Dear Frowny,
If you think that you are sad then maybe you are, As you evaluate your life try to rememeber what you are thinking of that moment that makes you seem sad. There is no need to fake smile when your feeling sad inside. Sometimes you feel better when you release that pain that is causing the sadness thus letting you smile for the right reasons. Happiness can only be real when you let it. Don't put on a show but be the show knowing that you can do great things with your life.
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I volunteer a lot for a non-profit organization, and everyone in the group puts in TONS of hours. There's this one lady though who drives us all nuts, because she always has these ideas about stuff "we" should be doing, but she never wants to put a real proposal together for it or take on leadership of the project herself. We would all totally support her if she took on a project, but none of us have the time or initiative to make it happen just because she thinks it's a good idea. Plus, I think that if *she* thinks it's important for us to have a fundraising dinner, *SHE* should plan it!
So I have two questions: first, what's her problem?! second, how do we get the point across that if she wants something done, she's gonna have to do it herself? (link)
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Sometimes people are scared to take the initiative to put a plan together because they are afraid that other people will get aggravated by them and think they are trying to take control. She's probably scared that all of you might hate her for it. It would be good to talk to her and let her know if her ideas are good or not. If they are good let her know it and push her to get them done, Sometimes people need motivation from others to do what is best for the team. Don'tr get aggravated but more motivated to tell her to not just talk about it, do it.
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well.. i'm a 16/f and i fell in love with a guy in my grade.. he's a real sensitive guy and i found out that he's suffering in a traumatic experience.. he wouldn't dare to date any gurls since his first and last ex dumped him.. he's afraid to be heartbroken again!! i have drop him a few hints and i know he understands it.. we always hang out together and we can be assumed as best friends.. he tells me all his problems.. and he often ask for my advice.. there's a few times that me and him almost kiss each other and i noe that he's been trying to tell me something for a few times but he didn't make it.. the thing is.. he really cares for me more than a fren should but he always talk about the girl he likes that he will never tell me her name in front of me... does he like me or we are jus friends?? please give me some useful advice.. (link)
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Sometimes people get scared to take that step because they don't want to lose what they have now. Your young and have your whole life ahead of you. Don't rush anything until you are absolutely sure this is the right one. If he is he won't be sorry and lose a great opportunity. Make him believe that you are worth it just like he has done for you. Friends like you become great boyfriends and girlfriends together because they know more about each other then when you just jump into something. Make him think that there is only friendship there and that you are looking for a great guy. If he thinks that he'll lose you and knows your the one he'll confess it to you. Don't put everything into it until you know that he'll do the same.
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i have to make a business card for school..my business is sensual scents its selling perfume..i have a logo and all that..but i need a catchy slogan..if any1 has any ideas please let me know!! thanx.. (link)
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1)"How sweet that smell"
2) "Fantastic fragrance"
3) "The smell of victory"
4) "What's that smell?"
5) " Feel sensual"
6) "The scent that makes sense"
7) "You look sensual, why not smell sensual"
8) "Fragrance that creates Fantasies
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