|
|
|
|
|
Q: I've always strived to be the best that I can be. I get all 100's but it just gets so old staring at them everyday. I'm not good at anything else. Not good at sports or arts or music or singing or dancing or anything. I was so wrapped up in books as a kid that I never learned to swim! I always feel like a failure compared to girls who are not only decent students, but have rich parents that engage them in lessons and every sport that exists and are just good at everything! I don't know to compete, and I get so angry and frustrated with myself because I'm just a nerdy student and nothing else. I'm not pretty, I'm not popular, and I just feel like a mess. It doesn't help that I have braces, pimples, and I'm tall and just plain ugly! And I'm about that close to being a hunchback and might have to get back surgery! I just feel like I can't achieve anything because I can't do anything.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Holy low self-confidence!
I know how it feels. I really do. I grew up poor (like rural farm kid in the dust bowl poor), pimply (I have bad eczema), nearsighted, and grossly overweight. Like you, I was totally a bookworm and longing to be one of the in kids. I was the "Eloise Midgin" of my high school. So I'm not kidding when I say I know what it's like.
However:
There comes a point (and I'm only now learning this, so take heed and learn it at your age, before you get too messed up) where you have to decide:
1) Stop comparing yourself to other people. You are not other people. You are you and when you say "I want to be like them" then you are saying you don't want to be yourself. Stop living your life by other people's terms. You have to be comfortable with yourself. My dad used to tell me "You were born into this world by yourself, and you'll go out by yourself. So you better be comfortable with yourself, honey, because you've got a lot of important things to do."
2) Decide what is more important in your life. In high school, I would have sold my right arm (or my mother's - somebody's arm, at any rate) to be thin and pretty. But beauty fades. And it can be faked. Character does not fade, and can't be faked, and lasts forever. It's about high time people realize that.
If you have back issues requiring surgery, then that happens. There's nothing you can do to fix it, so would you rather be pretty or healthy?
As for things to do: you don't need rich parents to give you lessons. I was dirt poor and found PLENTY of fun things to do and excel at. I started a 4-H club for bakers, did astronomy, and learned how to draw nature by watching nature.
It's a huge fallacy in this world that you need money in order to be good at something. "Gatekeepers" would prefer you believe this theory, in order so that the club can be exclusive and only the "right" (popular?) people can be a part of society. I say, screw that. If you want to be good at something, then go out and do it, but don't believe the crap "society" spews out.
Trust me: without knowing any more details than what I've read here, I can tell you that you are 100% because you are YOU. An individual. Don't become one of the sheep!!!!
I'll get off my soapbox now.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: 17/f
My parents are really being unreasonable. They refuse to approve of my boyfriend because he's not from the same group of people as us. He's puerto rican and my parents dislike him because of the reputation they carry but what upsets me the most is they are judging too quickly.. They haven't even met him in person to be making judgements. And my father refuses to allow me to go out with him anymore. This isn't the only thing they dislike about him.. He's 18 but could pass as a 20 yr old and my parents claim that if I bring him over the house there going to ask for I.d to prove his age its completely nonsense !! I just don't know what to do anymore I refuse to bring him over because I don't want them to scare him away and I don't want to tell him about this because it'll really upset him.. I don't want my parents choosing who I date or telling me who I can go out with ...
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
News flash: your parents are not being "unreasonable". If your boyfriend looks like a 20 year old person OF COURSE they are going to be concerned. I'm concerned reading about it!
Race is a handy cover excuse for the issue. If they are in face racist, then that sucks... and you can either go ahead with the relationship behind their back or in defiance of them (good luck with that) or move out. They're still your parents.
However, it may be that they have run up against or heard about some negative experiences with Puerto Ricans, and are now judging ALL by the actions of SOME. The best way to combat that is to invite your boyfriend over for a meet and greet or to have him pick you up for a group date.... that way they can see what a nice young man he is.
I can tell you that your attitude of "my parents can't tell me what to do" makes you come across as immature. So, it may be best to improve your actions and thoughts towards your family. Instead of looking at it as "how dare they!?!" try looking at it as "they really DO care about me." Because if I can read what you wrote as "defiant and immature" then I'm guessing you've acted that way towards them... and one of the signs of a physical abuser is exactly that kind of change it produces in the victim. Now, don't get your knickers in a twist: I'm not saying your guy is an abuser. But I AM saying that this may be a concern for your parents, and something you really need to look at honestly.
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Q: ok so there is this guy at my college..... I really like him and I'm not sure if he likes me. We sit down and watch t.v. all the time and talk and laugh for like hours. He always looks at me in this way that I don't know how to explain it but he's sooo adorable. He makes me laugh like crazy and is a really good listener to. What should I do?
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Well, if he is an adult, and you are too... what are you waiting for? All signs to point to yes? I say ask him out for something casual.... "hey, I see District 9 is in town, wanna go see it?" If he asks if others can come, then he likes you as a friend and you'll have to accept that. If he agrees to come alone, then you're in the game. Gently begin to flirt with him, and see where it leads.
I am assuming here that you know how to flirt. If not... it's all about conversation and letting him know (gently) that you're attracted and available for him, if he wants to take you up on that offer.
Play safe!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Info
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Gender: Female Occupation: being totally awesome Age: 28 Member Since: September 6, 2009 Answers: 30 Last Update: August 23, 2011 Visitors: 3488
Main Categories:
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
