Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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As a mother, it's important to me to have a good relationship with my children, but having quite a large family, I feel it's important to keep them under control to prevent absolute chaos from breaking out. I need to teach them good behaviour, good manners, and respect, not just to keep them under control, but to help them become the best people they can be.
So listen to these situations and tell me if you think I might have a bad tendency to overreact and take discipline too seriously. If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?
If my identical twin sons, Dominic and Shane habitually switched places at school to go to each other's classes and do each other's work, would it be an overreaction to make take away Dominic' s contact lenses so he has to wear glasses to school and take away Shane's retainer at night so he HAS to wear it at school during the day. That way their teachers know that Dominic is the one with the glasses and Shane is the one with the retainer.
If my 12 year old son, Trevor was caught the other day with a girl in his room, would it be an overreaction topay my older sons, Nick and Will chaperone all of his interactions with girls outside of school for an undetermined amount of time? That is, anytime I'm at work anyway.
Please give your opinions and advice. I love my kids and I want what's best for them, but I don't want them to feel like I'm some kind of a warden. (link)
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Ok, im a mother of a boy too so i totally understand where your coming from but lets brake down each of these situations one by one here:
"If my six year old son, Cade repeatedly asked me during tonight's Christmas parade if he could cross the street DURING the parade and I said no, but he bolted out in front of a float anyway, would it be an overreaction to yell at him and spank him in front of the crowd there?"
answer: To spank a child in public is a major thing, not only because of the people who are forced to witness what your doing, but its a humiliating experience for the child. Even if its for their own safety.
The solution there: would have been to grab him tightly by the arm, bend down to his level, look him in the eye and calmly in a serious tone, say that your trying to protect him from getting run over by a car, and that "we dont just run into the street, and if you do that again i will take you into the nearest bathroom and i will take my shoe off (point to your shoe) and i will use it on you"
This tactic Is still a scare tactic because from what you describe here you DO obviously believe in spanking and i do as well, as long as its done in the right environment like a bedroom, restroom, or somewhere that is private. This gives the child the idea that YOU are mom, and you are trying to make sure that he acts correctly in public , infront of others. ((you can also tell him that as well))
Heres the other thing, use shoes that you frequently wear when your out with them, so that all you have to do when they act up is tell them to look at your shoe, and once they see the shoe, they'll know "thats the shoe she spanked me with before, she brought it and shes ready to take it off and use it on me incase i act up" no one else will know what your talking about when your saying to your child to look at your shoe in a serious low tone. ; )
NEXT: the school situation is very serious, so i think in that situation that your well within your rights to law down the law in such a way so that the teachers cant be fooled.
Let them know this will go on for as long as it has to until they act right.
Last: This is a tough one because some boys just easily become friends with females and this can result in them being more confident when their older and its ok to encourage them to HAVE female friends so long as they know there are boundaries. As long as he knows that "you cant just touch girls, and that just talking is ok then i wouldnt over react too much to that. But keeping the door open when shes over would be the best idea here. He is getting to that age now, he is curious and all hes going to do is try to find ways to go behind your back instead of being compliant so you might as well just make sure theres an open dialog and that he can come to you if he needs advice (because who knows where ELSE he might look to for that) and that keeping the door open isnt for him its for the girls safety because girls can sometimes fib or say something happened that DIDNT for some reason and you just want to make sure some girl doesnt claim rape on him and get him in trouble with the law. MAKE IT CLEAR that you do the things you do because you love him and you want to make sure no one tries to pull anything on him. (same with the other kids too)
What ever you do try to stay calm, control your emotions and hear them out first if their trying to explain themselves. THEN do the correcting you feel needs to be done. I totally understand the need to "whoop ass" when kids get out of control, believe me its one i struggle with often, lol.
the shoe method though and the tight squeeze on an arm accompanied with a stern look in the eye in a serious low tone with the possible threat of being taken to the bathroom for a spanking has worked for me and quiet a few of my friends WELL.
It just sounds like your tired and whatever your doing isnt working, so its time to try something new.
good luck ; )
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much for your awesome advice. I'm very glad that you took the time to help me and share your wonderful ideas with me. I'll keep everything you said in mind and I'm totally gonna try that shoe thing as I think that will work extremely well. Thanks again and God Bless.
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