Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
Gender: Female
Location: San diego
Member Since: January 18, 2005
Answers: 822
Last Update: June 30, 2016
Visitors: 35366
Main Categories:
Love Life
Friendship
Work/School Relationships
View All
Favorite Columnists
Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
|
| |
Hi :) me and my dad had a huge argument about 18 months ago and we haven't really talked since then. It was pretty serious what he did but I decided to let it go with the urge from my step-dad who said to give him another chance.
We sat down and had a meeting about how I felt and all of that crap but even after I opened up, he was still acting like a high and almighty person who never made mistakes. But still, I'm trucking on.
I don't know what to say to him anymore to start a conversation. It will go something like:
Me: Hi
Him: Hi, how was school?
Me: Good, I didn't learn much.
Him: Oh, that sounds eventful. Work was boring.
And then we say goodbye. Even before our relationship went downhill, that is how it was. And we used to do that nearly everyday. I don't know what to do about it anymore.
Any tips? (link)
|
Well this is a tough one because theres either something obviously wrong with him, OR hes been stressed out for years over lots of different things and it can sometimes come out on others even though its not intentional. Sometimes when someone says "thats just their personality" i feel personally, that thats bullshit. I feel this way because No one WANTS to be negative and depressed all the time ok.
Maybe his life didnt turn out how he thought it would, i mean theres alot of angles here that we could look at this from but sometimes father son relationships are like this simply because you might have not felt interested in something he felt you might have liked when you were younger and he feels let down by that. Also sometimes if you dont like the same things HE likes that can also be a factor because he really doesnt know how else to try to bond with you and didnt think ahead enough to think "ok what if hes not interested in the things i am as he gets older??" thus creating a barrier for bonding. see?
is there anyone else he talks to openly about how he feels about things? maybe your mom or someone who CAN get answers out of him about whats going on??
all you can do right now is try to be nice, and if he needs help just be the first one to try to pitch in when he needs it. This will show that you WANT to be there for him because he IS after all your dad and "we all need help sometimes"
If you go out to eat with him, just look him in the eyes and calmly ask him what hes thinking about?? then be quiet and listen, stay CALM and do NOT let your emotions get in the way. He may just open up if your willing to sit there and stare at him and hear him out.
If he gives you a short answer just be like ohh ok what else?
and then if he tries to give you and attitude and turn it around on you then just be like "oh ok well ive been thinking about..(and insert your own answers here about choices or decisions your being faced with right now) and then allow him to talk to you about them if he wants to. AGAIN sit there, hear him out (even if he says some dumb shit you dont agree with) and then CALMLY say something back like "yeah....thats an option...but if i do that then, (this or that might happen and i dont want to hurt anyone) or something to that effect.
this is called sitting down and talking like adults. He might find this to be very refreshing and happier afterward because he knows he can now talk to you like a reasonable adult. (not that i think your not one but HE needs to know that)
now i cant tell you what exactly to do in every single situation but you could try casually watching tv with him and just watching whatever he is watching and talking to him during the commercials. men do things like this, they talk about tv shows each other might be interested in, and ask them if theyve seen this or that on tv. things like that.
good luck, you can let me know how it goes and if you need more advice please inbox me. ; )
|
|