Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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22 years old, female, in a serious relationship with my boyfriend of about 2 years. Our relationship is serious enough that we are thinking about getting engaging and/or married in the near future but I often have doubts now.
I love him, and I'm sure he loves me as he tells me all the time. My issue? I feel extremely insecure and I have low self-esteem, especially since he is always telling me how hot other girls are, about their bodies, and how much he wants to bang them and drawing comparisons on my body. I don't know if he is oblivious to how it hurts me or if he's even doing anything wrong but I feel like I will show him that I am weak and insecure by bringing up the topic and talking to him about it.
He often tells me I have small boobs, and that he's sad he's going to have to live with them, or wishes he could inflate my boobs and make them bigger. And always talking about how such and such girl has big tits, and what he wants to do to her, etc.
I also don't feel very beautiful, and I don't like having sex with him anymore cause I feel inadequate, I hate my body and I often think he's fantasizing about other women when he's having sex with me (which he kinda confirmed when he jokingly told me the other day that he'll just think about banging his co-workers or something when we have sex with my face down)
Another example, telling me how unbelievably beautiful, and hot his uncle's stepdaughter is a "10/10", and joking that he should just marry her instead and that his uncle told him he should hook up with her.
I don't know, all of this hurts me and confuses me especially when he does he tell me that I'm beautiful or that he loves me because I feel like I'm not beautiful enough, I'm not a 10/10 or sexy enough or enough to keep him interested long term if he'll always be eyeing other girls like that and see something that he can have that is better than me.
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Ok, im gonna start here with a WOW! that is completely unbelievable. secondly im gonna try to break this down for you in the nicest way i can but i feel you need to be told the truth here and i hope to god this will be a learning experience for you, or that you can turn it into one for YOU and better yourself in the end.
It sounds to me like your not ready to be in a committed relationship, and i say this because a more experienced woman would have seen ALLLLL the red flags waving to you here that you need to whip your man into shape or you need to get out. like this stuff i will copy and answer below.
It doesnt matter how low your self esteem is, your man should NEVER be eyeing and then talking about and or comparing you or your body to them. They are complete strangers and he doesnt know them AT ALL, so thats completely out of line here and there is no place in a relationship for attitude like that. He knows what hes doing ok, this is game guys will play if they know you are head over heels for them. They will play your own emotions and feelings against you in order to mess with your head, control you, and keep you under their thumb because theyve got you convinced that you dont deserve better. This could not be further from the truth.
"He often tells me I have small boobs, and that he's sad he's going to have to live with them, or wishes he could inflate my boobs and make them bigger. And always talking about how such and such girl has big tits, and what he wants to do to her, etc."
Ok WHY on earth would someone that loves you say things like this to you if not to be hurtful and shallow??? He could be trying to YOU to break up with him as well so he doesnt have to. As well as make the break up process harder.
"I also don't feel very beautiful, and I don't like having sex with him anymore cause I feel inadequate, I hate my body and I often think he's fantasizing about other women when he's having sex with me (which he kinda confirmed when he jokingly told me the other day that he'll just think about banging his co-workers or something when we have sex with my face down)"
Ok and your considering MARRYING THIS worthless piece of crap?? i dont think so hunny. Hes clearly telling you hes interested in other people and you are not the apple of his eye anymore. He basically just broke up with you right then and there, just because he was "joking" when he said it doesnt make it any less WRONG to say shit like that to you period.
"Another example, telling me how unbelievably beautiful, and hot his uncle's stepdaughter is a "10/10", and joking that he should just marry her instead and that his uncle told him he should hook up with her."
ALSO, another example (and a disgusting one) of him telling you hes not interested anymore and wishes to see and be with other people on a permanent level. Those are break up "relationship ending" words right there.
There are red flags waving all over the place here left and right and you need to acknowledge them, figure out what your NOT worthless, you deserve better, and kick him to the curb. Try to remember that just because you brake up with someone doesnt mean your feelings have to die too. We're all human and we all will still have remaining feeling for someone, even someone that did the worst things to us. At the same time just because you love each other doesnt mean your GOOD for each other and thats what it sounds like here. Its nothing to be all that sad over your just not a good match and something that looked like it was starting out good could have run its course.
Sometimes a couple thats been together for along time will learn to adjust and grow WITH each other because they refuse to let things separate them and they BOTH want to make each other happy, and sometimes even though a couple might love each other they just arent capable of growing with their partner. Meaning at the same pace, and fully excepting the changes the other person is making even though they've been talked about, consulted with over it and told ahead of time that a new phase in life is coming and "i need you to except that this is what i need for ME to happy, but i still want you by my side AS these changes come"
Some people arent capable of change at the same rate you might be and because of that, they will belittle, reject, shun, and make you feel bad about yourself because they see that you are growing and changing and they arent and its scares them because they dont feel they are and that youll leave and they'll loose you forever.
Sometimes leaving someone likes this is for the better because you want something thats going to encourage you, support you, and WANT you to be happier, even if its not with them.
We can only guess as to what hes doing online, but YES him being closed off about it when he wasnt before IS odd but it isnt a MAIN cause for breaking up with someone, but clearly you have all the reasons you listed BEFORE that behind you to break up with him.
Breaking up can be hard but how much harder on you will it be to continue putting up with the things hes saying?? how much longer can you put up with it?? a week? a month?? forever??
you KNOW deep down you want better or else you wouldnt have come here.....You can do it...make the next move....when your ready you'll make it happen..
good luck ; )
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Rating: 5
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Thank you for your advice.
I'm definitely going to think over everything in my head. I hate making excuses for him, but sometimes I feel like he thinks its okay to tell me about other women because he knows I'm bi-curious/into girls as well. I don't know if that changes anything? But I appreciate your advice, and it's something I needed to hear. I'm not sure if I have it in me at this moment to break it off, because I feel too attached and I love him alot, but it's something I'm willing to do and will do if I continue to feel the way I do in the next 2-3 months.
Thank you so much xo
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