Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Member Since: January 18, 2005
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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She has a car of her own and she is renting out the minivan right now and said she would take it back when I got my license to help me out. She would never tell me any of this information about her income and how much she makes ever. She is very stubborn abad will yell at me and ask why I'm so concerned, there's now way that's even a possibility to ask her about that stuff (link)
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Ok well then if thats the case then theres nothing you can do. I WOULD however be more persistent about knowing where your college money went. that money was earmarked for you and should not be taken and used for something else unless it was absolutely needed for your family to survive.
If shes automatically defensive like that then shes most likely hiding something and or doesnt take what your saying seriously about helping with bills. In which case you need to make her get serious about you and what role you play in the family when it comes to money.
If theres ABSOLUTELY no way you can ask her when shes in a good mood and you can stay calm the WHOLE TIME, whats going on money wise then theres nothing you can do. Youll have to save up and move out because she may just be one of those types of parents that believes you have no right to know anything about whats going on and what she chooses to spend her money on (which i believe isnt right at all).
She should have been guiding you from the beginning about money so that as an adult you would be capable of managing your own money once you were older and had to start paying your own way for things. How else are you supposed to learn how to spend money responsibly if she wont show you how to pay bills and what goes into managing a household?
This is her job as a parent and shes clearly not interested in raising you to be able to do so. If i were you i would tell her that, and that someday youll have to manage your own house and that these are things you need to know.
tell her she doesnt have to get defensive, your just asking because of the reasons i mentioned above. Give her some time to think on it and if she still doesnt get back to you.
Then use every opportunity you get to ask "but how can we afford this?!? when she comes home with things. start asking questions and making her accountable like this.
She might just need to see more that you have a vested interest in knowing what goes on with things. Show her that you are capable of critical thinking as well as practical. If she brings home something that would normally be expensive, ASK how did you get the money to pay for that when we can barely afford gas for the cars? or your buying this or what when we have this other bill to pay?!?
Or "we should sell this and use the money to pay for this or that"
see? its perfect.
over time she'll see that your not going to let up and that your mature and ready to know how your household works. ; )
good luck sweetie
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