Wife, mother, loyal friend to the end, model, classic car collector. almost 30 years old, and seen alot in my few years here on earth. People usually come to me for advice, and i give in return grounded, realistic answers.
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Dragonflymagic
adviceman49
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I'm pissed as I can be. I'm wondering if I'm wrong.
I'm a woman in love with a guy. He says he loves me too. Blah blah.
Anyways he gets sexy photos from me and all. But his page is covered with photos of nearly naked women.
He recently followed on his Instagram a page of girls sending private selfies. He also follows porn stars and of course my Instagram is covered with these photos. I've confronted him about this and he tells me to stop being jealous because they are other beautiful women in the world and he can look all he wants. And I can't say or do anything... It pisses me off. I don't think that this right. Especially since we are talking about getting married.
Let me ask. Am I paranoid or is he just a lustful idiot? Pardon me. But I think he has a problem. He seems to be getting worse. Everyday my "photos you may like " page are getting more explicit. I'm not happy. Fine. I understand they are pretty girls in the world. But he seems to want more and more of these type of women and he likes to look and look and look. It disgusts me.
I can't bring it up again. But it bothers me.
What is it going to be like when we get married? Is he going to sleep with me and then go look at half naked girls on the internet? Looking at close ups of boobs and asses? It bothers me. And I can't do much here. But honestly. I think he has a problem.
How do I handle this? (link)
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Its ok to look but not touch, and it certainly shouldnt CONSUME a large part of his life. Men are men and yes they WILL look but shouldnt be doing it when your RIGHT THERE or be making it blatantly obvious either. thats just rude and disrespectful to you.
Try watching porn together, you might find that it enhances your sexual experience with him, youll fantasize about the man and he can do so with the woman but it will still be you and him. My husband of 6 years does not look at porn or pictures of other woman but i AM a model so i guess to him im all he needs which is nice but it puts more pressure on me to look perfect see? so the grass can always look greener somewhere else.
You cant expect men to at least not just LOOK but doing it in a discrete momentary way is okay. Women look too and we all know it so chastising him for looking and doing basically the same thing we do is a bit hypocritical. you know down in your deepest of hearts that you DO look at other men even if its just for a moment so dont try to play like you dont. we're all human and we all have eyes and you'd be lying if you tried to say otherwise.
I would agree with you though that maybe he COULD stand to "tone it down a bit" and not be SO out there with it. Also paying for the services after your married will NOT be an option period, discussion over on that one (for me at least) there are far more important things you two could be saving up for or spending money on then things like that.
I dont know how long the two of you have been together because you didnt mention it but to ME this would certainly be a sign that hes showing me that im NOT the only one he wants and clearly hes not that invested in the relationship if hes going to be so out there about this kinda thing because he cant be that dumb to think that some women really dont appreciate the kind of things hes doing. I personally would be thinking that hes the type that would be weak enough to cheat on me with any other women that came his way and was sweet on him enough that he would fall for it if thats what HER intention was and she could easily seduce him and he wouldnt be able to control himself because he obviously cant even control his habits around you enough to just tone it down a bit.
usually only men who are single will openly have/display/ or pay for sexually explicit photos like what youve described and i would be thinking hes trying to live like hes single still even though hes not and thats ALSO worrisome to me. If this is the case then i would def. postpone any wedding plans until i could further watch him and see just how dedicated to showing you how much YOUR the center of his world and no one else is.
alot of times men who obsess over women (even though they are current with someone) are more susceptible to cheating because they just cant control themselves if some girl comes along, likes him back, wants him, and tries to flirt and seduce him and thats all it takes. He'll know its wrong but the rush of it all can be overwhelming. ive known these sorts of men and they can never seem to keep a girlfriend because their so caught up in the photos and the porn and the gawking at other women who have no interest in them that they cant see whos right in front of them and get their priorities straight. If he is this kind of man then he will spend his life alone and just obsessing over the photos because thats all he can get.
update to your feedback. thank you for letting me know that you would feel guilty for making the slightest glance at another man but at the same time you are asking a bit much of what sounds like a weak minded man that cant help himself but to indulge in such things. I too am happy with what i have, and ive been married for years but in within human nature to look and have thoughts about others, no matter what those thoughts are. The only way you would be able to keep him from having thoughts about others would be to severely isolate him from anyone and thats not healthy and will only lead to resentment against you. he has to want to change and if he doesnt then its up to you where to go from there after speaking with him on this matter.
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Rating: 5
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Actually I don't look at other guys. I'm happy and satisfied with what I have. I would gain nothing but guilt if I looked at another man. Thank you for your advice!
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