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19/f I went through a deep, long episode of depression. I absolutely loathed myself. It escalated to where I was cutting, and I nearly attempted suicide. I had a drink and a bottle of pills ready one night, the only thing that stopped me was the thought of being a buzz-kill for my father's huge 50th birthday event coming up. Before and after that, suicide was almost all I thought about.
I was pretty dang overweight. I wanted to get out of this dark abyss, and not that losing weight would be what would make me worth something, but I didn't want weight to hold me back anymore. It's been about 3 or 4 months since I decided to really start losing weight. I've been extremely loyal to my diet, and have lost quite a bit of weight. Everyone is noticing and complimenting me. It used to be just people I hadn't seen in a while, but now even people I see every day are saying I look great. I'm far from done, but here's the issue.
Instead of loathing myself, at the beginning of the month I realized I'm kind of tolerating who I am now. I'm starting to feel proud of what I look like. Instead of staring into the mirror glaring at the person looking back, I'm noticing how parts of me are shrinking and getting firmer, and it makes me feel pretty awesome. I couldn't see at first, but now I'm noticing and it's a pretty awesome feeling. My journey is far from over, but I've made some good progress.
What I'm worried about is, I don't want to equate my self-worth with how much I weigh. I'm worried that my hatred is going away because I'm starting to look good. I don't want to depend on my looks for my worth. SO, is it normal to feel this way when losing weight? How can I differentiate loving myself for real/ just loving how I look that day? I want to be careful, because I want to like being me for me, not for the compliments and approval I'm getting. I don't know, does anyone know how I feel? (link)
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It's totally fine to feel good about yourself once you lost weight. I honestly think it's normal. Only because I went through it too. I wasn't overweight or anything, but I didn't like my body very much and eventually started becoming more fit and people were always complimenting me and I ended up becoming more confident.
The thing is, some people get carried away. They think it's all about how much they weigh and it can turn into an eating disorder.
I agree that you shouldn't measure your self worth on how much you weigh. So don't focus on your weight. I mean it's good to take care of yourself and make good lifestyle choices but learn to love yourself in other ways too. Learn new things and you'll notice you're good at other things and I'm sure your personality is awesome.
I'm also going to give a suggestion to visit a counselor. I mean you were contemplating suicide at one point and you don't want to get back to that point in your life right? I'm sure they'll give some good tips on what to do in your situation as well.
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Rating: 5
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That's a good idea! To accomplish other things as well, not just weight. That would definitely help. Thank you so much!
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