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~A little Advice for the broken hearts~
You are afraid and hurt and you dont know what to do. You feel empty and alone, like the whole world has just ended. You have a hole in your heart one that feels like it can never be repaired, but just know that in time that hole will be gone. Getting your heart broken is like getting a deep cut. It hurts really bad, and no matter what you do you cant stop thinking about it because you know its there and its hurting, but with a few stitches and a little tlc (friends and family helping you through) and some antibiotic ointment (ice cream) soon that cut will only be a scar (a memory) it will always be there but it wont hurt anymore, you are strong and you can make it through this!!
advice
I moved to a new town when my hubby deployed, and I couldn't sleep without him. I dreamed of being held and snuggled, and I told him I wished I had a gf (I wouldn't risk another man). I'd had girl-girl make outs in college, but I love men, my husband above all.
He began scouring dating sites to find a woman for me to have sex with, talking to them online daily posed as me. The attentions he gave these women made me jealous, and he wouldn't talk about anything else... until he suggested a second man for double penetration, which sounds like something I'd wish on my worst enemy. I figured it was the desert talking, that when he actually got back and got laid again he'd settle down-and he has, mostly.
He just went to a bachelor party with strippers the first night and prostitutes the next, he walked out on the 2nd (he's faithful, these extra people in his fantaies are for touching me only, he says). I complained abt the party, so he hoped to make it up to me by hiring a prostitute to pleasure me (ethical and hygienic no-go, IMO, plus huge waste of $). He started getting pushy about it and saying I should do it for him, since I came up with the idea, and now he can't help thinking about it nonstop, that I'm denying myself some superior 3-way pleasure ~ backward responses to rectifying the things I didn't like about that party: sex workers, disrespect of monogamy, etc. He steers every conversation to it, or another man, giving me the silent treatment when I say I'm not interested. He usually talks things out like a champ. My fear was that being around guys/behavior like that party made him lose respect for me, that it's ok to do whatever he wants and my feelings don't matter. I hope it's the fact that he is just extremely stressed at work that's driving this again.
Please tell me how to get him to stop pressuring me to give in to these scary fantasies and to start respecting my boundaries and desires. I want him to keep telling me his mind, and I don't mind him having the fantasies (though I wish they were a little variable and not just all of the same the filthiest porns), but I don't want any real life person encroaching on us. I don't want to be intimate at all with anyone but my husband.
Dear Monogamous Wife,
I think you should sit down and have a talk with your husband. Explain to him how you feel about the situation. Tell him that what you said was just a fantasy created from sexual depravation and that you really would never do that. Let him know that it is ok to talk about and fantasize about but never to become a reality. Also explain the way you feel about his loss of respect for you. Let him know that he is the only one that you want and that monogamy is the only way for you. If he truly loves you he will understand and accept this. Maybe to ease the tensions between the two of you try replacing this fantasy of his with something new. Maybe try agreeing to try something new that he wants to try as long as it only involves you and him and of course only if you are comfortable with it. As you should never be made to feel uncomfortable. As for the party I think its best to forgive and forget. You have to trust that he did nothing with anyone. And him walking out on the second party proves that he loves you and he wouldnt do anything to hurt you. Try talking to him and if you need any more help let me know and I'll try to give you the best advice that I can give.
I hope I helped you with your situation, best wishes...
Stephie
(Rating: 5) Absolutely right on, you clarified the issue to its simplest components, which helped us talk about it without blame or judgment.