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Hi, I'm a girl 14
My mom has a new live in boy friend. It not that I don't like him or he does not like me or he does not love my mom(he does with all his heart)It just that he's old fashion and his way or high way. He wants to change so much(moms other boy friend were not even like this)For one He think I to young to date and has been trying to get my mom to make me break up with my boy friend of 1 year(I have been friend with him for 5 yrs)he wants to re-do the house (that means my room to!)he does not like my friend because three of them don't believe in God and there moms and dads don't make them believe.He think I should get new ones. he want to make us not only go to another church but to change from christian to catholic and to make me go to catholic school! And he has this "kids should be seen not heard" thing(what the Hell!!) I don't have any say in any of this!! He not mean is just his way or high way. And I think Mom might give in to his bullshit! Hellllp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (link)
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There are a few things you can do. How successful you will be depends mostly on how much support your mom gives you.
First, talk to your mom alone and explain to her that this man is trying to exert a level of control over you that you are not comfortable with. He is not, after all, your father. He certainly doesn't get to choose who your friends are or when you are allowed to date; the first is your decision, the second is your mother's.
If he wants to redo the house, I think that it would not be unreasonable for you to ask that your room be left alone - unless it's being done for structural reasons, but if it's just a matter of changing the way things look, then you should be allowed to keep your room as it is.
If your mother decides that you're all going to go to a new church, that's something you may have to deal with, but you cannot be compelled to change religions against your will. Your beliefs are your own.
Don't bother trying to change his mind on anything. It's your mother who needs to be your advocate. Make it clear to HER that you don't want to go to a Catholic school, you don't want your room remodeled to fit her boyfriends' ideals, your friends are decent people who her boyfriend doesn't know well enough to pass judgement on, and that you refuse to sit down and shut up just because of his ideas about how children should behave.
You'll need to pick your battles. I think all the things you mention are important ones which you should stand your ground on. I must acknowledge that I happen to agree that 14 is too young to date, but if your mother has already given you the go-ahead, he shouldn't have a say in it. I'm sure that there's a lot of less important stuff that he's also insisting on. It would not be to your benefit to fight him on everything; that will make it look like you're just being difficult. But the matters of your friends, your school, your room, and your religion are important ones which you should stand your ground on as much as you can.
If your mother gives in to him and won't stand up for you on important things, then you should make it clear to her that it's going to seriously hurt your relationship. The bottom line is that she was your mother long before she was this man's girlfriend, and that should be her priority.
One more thing needs to be said. The way you describe his beliefs and ideals leads me to think that he may be someone who believes in the use of corporal punishment. If that's the case, then make sure your mother understands from moment one that you will absolutely NOT tolerate him hitting you for any reason, and that you expect her to be 100% on your side on that one. If it ever happens, and your mother lets it slide, report him to Child Protective Services (warn your mother first that you intend to do that, but if she takes no action to protect you, make the call).
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Rating: 5
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Thanks. I will have a talk with my Mom. And yes there are other things he wants to change but there are little. But I don't think he will ever hit me.
Thanks again.
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