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I am a college student & almost 20 years old. I have friends, but rarely get to see them. My mom doesn't really like me going anywhere, & when I do she yells at me & won't talk to me for days. I make plans to go see friends away at school & she even gives me all these ideas on how to get there & what to take, etc. & then the very last minute, is all "nooo, you can't go." She does this with any plans I make! & I always end up canceling. I've lost a decent amount of friends because of this.
I sit home every weekend, & I am so bored & unhappy all the time, because I never do anything. & I don't mean like staying out all night or something, I mean simple things, like going shopping with a friend or going to the movies or something.
What do I do?
My dad usually disagrees with her, but then she gets mad so he ends up agreeing with her. So I have nobody on my side about anything. & I don't want to just move out, that is just pushing the issue under the rug, & that would be expensive..
What should I say? (link)
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You're an adult. It's time to start thinking and acting like one, and that means asserting yourself and your own independence.
What you want to do is not out of line - it is normal, human activity that you should be able to indulge in. If your mother is denying you this, then she is doing you wrong. You have to break this pattern now or she will dominate you for years to come. I honestly don't blame your friends for walking out; having an adult friend who constantly cancels plans at the last minute because his/her mother said so would be unbearably frustrating.
So, what do you do? It's simple. You just do what you want and let her get mad about it. What's she going to do, send you to your room? She is being unreasonable, and so nothing you say is likely to do any good; you can't reason someone out of a position that they didn't reason themselves into, and it's my opinion that whatever it is that makes her want to keep you a child forever, it's got nothing to do with logic. She is still your mother, but you are an adult now and that means you must take responsibility for yourself. SHE is not keeping you at home on the weekends - YOU are. When she says, "No, you can't go," you must say, "Well, I'm going anyway."
And you might want to re-think moving out. It would probably be the best thing you ever did for yourself, expensive or not. You might have to give up a few things you're used to, but there is freedom on the other side of that door, and you're missing out on it.
Besides, if you think things are bad now, wait until you find a potential girlfriend/boyfriend (I don't know your gender or preference). Your mother will chase that person away like a tigress protecting her cubs, if you're still living at home.
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