about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

Hi everyone, 23 and female here...
I saw the red flags, but I had just come out of an emotionally abusive relationship; I refused to believe that I had run straight into a worse situation...but I had.
I've been free of him since mid-October, when I took the day off work, gathered my things, and left. We were living together in the house he bought to share with me, talking about marriage and kids...I know it sounds bizarre, given the abuse, but in his own sick way, he loved me. I never doubted that...and I loved him. If I listed the qualities of my dream guy, I would almost describe him. I dreamed of spending my life with him until he started to physically hurt me.

So here's my problem:
When I left him, I turned off my emotions. If I had let myself feel, I knew I wouldn't have been able to do it. Until this past Saturday, I've been pleasantly numb. I'm very busy, I have a lot of responsibility at work, and I don't have time or energy to waste on being upset. All of a sudden, that logic doesn't seem to be helping, and I find myself biting back tears all the time. I realized that I know only two ways to cope with things: to suppress what I'm feeling completely, or to let it take over.
I have a therapist, but I don't think I'm getting what I need from her. I've seen seven different therapists in my short life and none of them have been able to help me. I'm also on an antidepressant, and STILL having these problems.

I know this is kind of vague, but I don't know what to ask, exactly. I just...need help...any help. Please.

Thanks to all who try.

Don't suppress your emotions; they'll come back to haunt the hell out of you later... and they'll be worse. Instead, confront them now. I can't really tell you how to cope because everyone has their own way of doing so (depending on the individual situation).

Let go of the delusion that this guy was your "dream guy." He was not and is not your dream man. Your dream man will treat you like you matter, because in reality, you matter so much. NEVER determine an ideal man by his personality traits alone; judge him by those as well as how he affects and treats you. The latter is just as important.

As far as treatments go, ask whoever you're getting your prescription from about trying a different antidepressant. There are a lot to choose from, and they affect levels of different neurotransmitters. Honestly, they aren't all created equal, nor do they affect the brain in the same ways. Inquire.
Have your various therapists tried different therapies? "Talking it out" isn't always effective. Certain cognitive behavioral therapies (CBTs) should also be considered. Ask your therapist about EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing). It's a highly underrated form of therapy that's often used on people suffering from emotional trauma yielded by traumatic events; I actually went through it, and it was rather effective.

You're worth more than this guy made you believe. You'll pull through the situation; if anything, experiencing this will make you appreciate someone who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. That man will be your real "dream guy," not this loser who emotionally abused you.

Stay strong, and good luck. :)
-Manders

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(Rating: 5) Very good advice...I did some research on EMDR, and it seems like something that could help me, but I somehow doubt anyone trained in it takes my insurance, lol. Thank you for your kind words of encouragement.
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