Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
Visitors: 34644
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ok so i ahve a bf we've been together for 9 monthes now and I am feeling really stressed about how was spend alot of time together, that is due to the fact that he is currently living at my house but will be leaving shortlye. I don't know waht feeling i am having for him i know i care for him but i gust dont know if i love him even thougth i say it. I feel as if sometinh bad is going to happen. it bugs me sometimes that he wont do anything to better himself and he is kinda lazy sometimes, i dont know if i should tell him its over or talk about it after all he is my first bf ( i am 18 he is 19 i am living at home) he all was makes my mom seem like the bad guy and her Bf as well i lvoe them dearly and i think he is trying to get my against them. i gust need some help on what i should do,,, thanks (link)
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Relationships can be a lot of work- Hard work to keep them thriving and meaningful.
That being said, you are only 18. If you are not sure you love him and ESPECIALLY if you already consider him a bit lazy and feel he is causing issues with your mother... it sounds like it is time for you two to go your separate ways.
I do not know what you are eluding to when you say something bad may happen. You need to understand that he is not your responsibility. As a friend, if he needs help you can help him to the best of your ability but if he isn't making an effort to help himself also, that is not your problem.
Often times a person will ask for advice on their relationship and list all the pro's and con's; all the wonderful stuff about their boyfriend versus all the negative stuff. You didn't actually mention anything good. This may be a sign you are looking for that you are ready to move on- you may just be prolonging it because you are afraid of doing the wrong thing or you still care about him. You can care about him without being in a romantic relationship with him.
Assess how YOU feel. What do you love about him? Does he work hard to make the relationship work? Does he work hard in life to make himself a better man? Do you feel a few years down the road he could make a good equal partner in providing for a family; a good dad? You don't need to rush into marriage right now, you are only 18... but because you are an adult and not a little kid, your relationships are more likely going to be scoping out a potential life mate. If this guy doesn't fit the build or doesn't seem like he is going to shape up anytime soon, move on.
Under most circumstances I feel your family comes first. You suggested he says or does things that are not necessarily done good heartedly concerning your mother and her friend. I do not know your family or your situation, but as a rule I have to say you need to chose your mom over this guy.
Most of all, go with your gut. You KNOW what you feel even if you are trying to deny it to yourself. Your brain may keep telling you to work on the relationship, fight for him, etc. But what is your feeling deep inside? Do you feel stress and anxiety about meeting up with him? Do you get a feeling of dread rather than the feeling of happiness that you are about to finally see him after a long day? If you are feeling more negative feelings such as stress, anxiety, tummy aches, etc. this is your "gut" telling you to get out.
Finally I want to reiterate something. He is not your responsibility. You need to focus on yourself. Breakups are usually emotionally hard. You cannot, however, stay with him because you are afraid of how he will feel. This is in some ways an abusive situation. You are either abusing yourself emotionally because you can't let him go for fear of what HE will do... or HE is abusing you by manipulating you into staying with him with is NOT acceptable, ever! Should you decide to leave your boyfriend, you may also consider staying single for a while. Get to know yourself better and contemplate what you really WANT out of a man. Then, only look for men with those qualities- not just the cute guys that pay you attention. You deserve happiness and a good life. If a man hinders this rather than helps the effort of a good, happy life, he doesn't deserve to be in the picture.
Best of luck.
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Rating: 5
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well when we first started seeing each other we were happy i didn't know he was like this untill he got kick out from his dads place, i know he has to leave my house because i am feeling even more dret now i dont feel love anymore or that little spark whne i see him i sometimes feel like we are gust "Fuck buddies" more then anything else i feel he is more of a friends now. I do care for him and i understand my mom when seh says their are better guys out their to meet and that i shouldnt be tied down now at such a young age, because i like to hang out with guys and flirt but am restricted rom that now, and when i see other guys i think what a good person they may be if i got to know them. I know to trust my mom mroe then anything els but it hurst to her hear bad talking him behind his back infront of me with her Bf... to me i know what they are saying is true he is not good with money, he is not really an active guy who is fit. I think i am looking for a guy that is more willing to help himself and who takes care of himself and wont push his Gf into doing anything. But also what makes it hard for me to do or try to do it tell him because sometimes i am not sure if i want to be with him or that i do wnat to be with him, but like i said their is like i find no spark left an i find he does manipulate me and bug me when i am trying to do HW a lot. also the fact he is my kinda of frist serious thing in a relation ship, my friend who i was kinda with for 2 monthes even treated me better then he is,....:(*cry* I think thought that you are right and that we do need some time alone or that we are better off friends then anything els because i do not think i am ready for the long haul like he is. i gust need some feed back about thins to see what i should do, because even my mom says i deserve better that i shouldnt be with him.... PLZ HELP
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