Q: To be able to establish context and to get more information I urge you to check my previouse question at http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=560267
That said.
I mustered the courage to go talk to him today. I seem to have implied wrongly that we talk on a frequent casual basis which is utterly untrue... (unfortunately!).
With some effort today (considering the scarce unusual free time i had on my hand) I managed to look a little more attractive and "easy" to the eye... a little grown up so to speak. For some reason the only eyes that seem to turn are the eyes I don't want looking. I even mustered the courage to come up with a reason to go ask for information at the info desk where he was today. Fortunately i only resorted partially the idiotic plan my friends gave me... I indeed had a research paper and went to ask for some references (which would have taken me more time to find on my own but not impossible) we talked for a few seconds... obviously my question was idiotic and obvious... but I didn't care... even though I sort of got the hint that I am not really attracting him that much... he checked me out but there was no signs of interests beyond that.... in a moment of rationality (devoid of any emotional bias -I promise!) I realized that he seems to be nice because i'm so transparent and in a way i boost his ego...? I don't know... I might be over analyzing but i find it so hard to ignore my head even though it's emotionally tormenting me!!
what way is there, for me to establish a conversation or create a situation without me having to initiate it? in other words: is it humanly possible for me to get him to come to me on his own? without any direct influence...
Today is the first time I talked to him in a long time (since last summer? which was when we were able to make small talk) and i wouldn't even consider it talking (since i could have been talking to anyone else in the same way)... I can't read him anymore... i know he knows me but it's like it went back to formalities again even though we both recognize this bridge has been crossed already. He tenses up when he sees me and I don't know if it's nerves or if he is cringing at the sight of me since i no longer give that ego boost...
arghhh what is wrong with me? I've never been this irrational, nor have I been this emotional, or giddy :(
advice! how to eliminate these feeling, block them or otherwise, or how do i make it work!? I can't focus on Hume anymore!!!!!!
