36/m
Briefly, the facts of my situation are as follows:
I had an emotional affair. It was a long-distance matter between me and a woman I used to know before I met my wife. When my wife began to realize what was going on (and it didn't take her long, because I'm lousy at keeping secrets and she's very perceptive) I ended it, and told my affair partner that I would not be contacting her again. I meant it, too.
That might have been the end of it, but a couple of days ago my wife looked into my e-mail account and discovered everything had been going on - things that she had not been aware of and which I had not intended to tell her. To make a long story short, the nature of the affair had turned sexual, and there were E-mails sent back and forth where we described that sort of thing in detail. There were confessions of love from both sides, and intimate revelations of other sorts. There were also plans for us to try to get together sometime soon (plans which I aborted before my wife even found out about anything, because I came to my senses about that much at least). I was lying to my wife about all of these things, and now those lies are fully exposed.
Of course, my wife is furious and terribly hurt, and she is considering ending our marriage.
I am deeply remorseful of what I've done. Right now I can barely look my wife in the eye, because I am so ashamed of myself. I think I might take my own life if I didn't know that it would only make things worse for my wife and child (for now, my child remains unaware of anything wrong, that goodness for that).
I know that I committed a terrible wrong, and I want to make amends and repair my marriage. I need advice on how to do that. I am willing to do literally whatever it takes to make things right again. I want to change myself so that I will be a better man, someone she deserves to have for a husband, instead of the lying cheater that I have proven to be.
Does anyone have any thoughts on what I can do or say to convince her that my intentions are sincere, that I truly am sorry, and that it absolutely will not happen again? Are there any of you out there who have gone through this on either end and might have some advice for what I can do now? And can anyone give me some idea on how I can work to improve myself and my own personal integrity so that this doesn't happen again?
I ask only that responders refrain from slamming me down regarding my wrongful actions - nothing that anyone can say will make me feel worse about it than I already do, so to harp on that will be pointless. Please, just tell me what I can do now.
I think to set things right between your wife and yourself and to feel better about yourself and your character, you need to start at the heart of the problem. Why did you start contacting this other woman? it could be something as simple as you not having enough alone time with your wife.
as far as making it up to her, there's no way to win someone's trust over instantly. it'll take time and several examples of your love, care, and respect, as well as apologies, for her to see that everything that happened is really in the past, and you deserve her trust again. presents help too, but don't make the mistake of expecting them to fix things. when you do get her to start trusting you again, tell her about everything. she's your wife and deserves to know how it started and how you're ending it. it may hurt her at first, but she'll always wonder if you don't fill her in.
hope this helps :) good luck
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(Rating: 5)
I think I do need to address the problem at its heart. I hope my wife will be willing to do so as well. Thank you!
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