EnchantedSage's advice column

i'm not a nice person. dont give me advice like "omg just lyk act nice." yeah i think ive tried that before thanks.

so yesterday i went shopping all day with my mom. it was so much fun and i enjoyed it a lot. but then later that night her boyfriend came over, watched a movie with her, and slept over. so then the next day is mothers day (today) and im like "mom c'mon its mothers day. i dont want to spend mothers day with my mother and her boyfriend. i just want to spend it with my mother." actually i dont think i said that. it was more "why cant he leave" but whatever.
anyways she said thatd "itd be rude to say he cant come to brunch with us" so i unwillingly went to mothers day brunch with my mom and her boyfriend and i ignored them whenever they said anything to me and i figured hed leave after brunch. but no. then they went to go buy a grill while i stayed home watching will and grace.

so they came back from buying a grill like 3 or 4 hours later and my mom is like "whats wrong why wont you smile or talk" and i said "because i dont like your boyfriend. hes wasting your time." (they've been together for 6 years and he refuses to propose and i just think she deserves better.)

anyways so today me and my mom planned to see 'baby mama' because it seemed fitting for mothers day. well, i told her i didnt want to go. and then she asked what kind of pizza i wanted and i said i didnt want any.

its mothers day. and my mom deserves so much better. i should accept her boyfriend being here and just treat her nicely but i cant seem to do that.

sorry its so long but i thought the story needed to be said so you can see how awful i really am before you give me advice on what to do about my terrible attitude i always give people.

happy mothers day.

First, please stop beating yourself up. Yes, some of your reactions and behaviors were based on your own self interests, but -hello- that is something we are guilty of from time to time. The real growth as a human being comes when you realize your behavior is less than what you want to be and you strive to make an adjustment.

Based on what you have detailed in your question, the best advice I have for you is this: It is very easy to fall into the trap of seeing and "knowing" what is best for another person and then being frustrated and even hurt or insulted when they do not listen to or follow the path suggested by our "brilliant insight into their lives".

Everyone is on their own journey in this life. When it comes to our loved ones, we can counsel them, give our opinions and sometimes flat out hit them with the cold hard truth of their situations; but, ultimately, the best way to love someone is to support them, even when we don't agree with their decisions.

There are exceptions to this advice, of course. If a loved one is putting themselves or others in danger with their actions or decisions then certainly more than support may be required.

As far as your "terrible attitude" (as you put it): a bad attitude is an easy thing to fall into and is all about your perspective. When things annoy you, it's easy to look around your world with annoyed eyes and everything else will seem annoying too. As silly as it sounds, if you make an effort to see the positive aspect of even the most annoying things, when you look around at everything else in your life, you just might start to see the positive part of more and more. Your overall attitude will then begin to shift and your first reactions and responses will start to be ones that you can be proud of.

It's a process and you are not a perfect being - you are a human being. Best of luck to you.

Kind wishes,

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(Rating: 5) thanks so much

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