Good day everyone.
I am a nursing student. My ultimate goal is to be a travel nurse.
I am happily married for over 12 years and have 3 children: ages 6, 4, and 2. Family is the most important thing in the world and I want to help families work out problems so they do not have to be torn apart.
If your family is as important to you as mine is to me, get the help you need. If you do not like my advice, I respect that but look for someone that works for your needs.
Your family is worth it!
Gender: Female
Location: Ohio
Occupation: Home maker/ nursing student
Age: 31
Member Since: October 26, 2007
Answers: 223
Last Update: September 27, 2011
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Okay this is hard for me to do because usually im the one giving the advice. But i guess there comes a time when every advice columnist needs some advice from someone else. I've been married for 2 years and when my husband and i got together i liked to watch porn and he said he hated it. He would never watch it with me and he would always say that it didnt interest him. Several times now i have found porn sites on our computer and i confronted him about it. He says that he was looking for ideas for our sex life. But its like sex story sites and one is a naughty friends site. So recently i found more on there after he says he wouldnt do it anymore. They are pretty much the same sites but one new one is daily jack off stories. I really dont know if i should say something about it or not. He always gets mad when i bring it up. so i dont know if i should risk the fighting. I also have to put in that in the past he would chat with other girls sexually. But i do have to say that he told them he was married. I know for sure that he didnt call them baby or tell them he loved them or anything like that but that time he said he was role playing and getting ideas. So is he lying to me about it or is he really looking for new things for our sex life? Please give me your honest advice as i am honest with the people i give advice to.
Signed....
I think my husband lies about porn!!!! (link)
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The problem I see here is that no matter whether you are talking to someone face to face, on the phone/computer across town, across the country, or across the globe, if you are discussing inappropriate things with another person, you are emotionally going to get involved.
You need to make your own decision about the porn (the visuals and the stories). I have an opinion about that but it is none of my business. You went into your marriage making it clear to your husband that you personally liked it so therefore porn has been a part of your marriage since the beginning. HOWEVER, his chatting sexually with other girls is not appropriate. He may tell them he is married but that does not make it right. He is bound to get caught up in that. Your heart/emotions cannot separate these things. I am not for a second suggesting that your husband is having a physical affair... but the truth is that even many married men tell their mistresses that they are married. The women don't care and the affair goes on. Your husband may not be physically sleeping with another woman, but emotionally he is getting satisfied from other women and this is just as bad and can often lead to more.
As I said before, I cannot tell you what to do as far as the porn is concerned... but I can tell you that his chatting sexually with other women needs to stop. He needs to respect you and your marriage enough to chat with YOU sexually if he needs that satisfaction. He should NOT be going to other women for this. If you feel it is appropriate for your relationship, I recommend you get some actual counseling. The order I would recommend would be 1. Confront your husband. 2. As him to go to couple counseling with you. 3. Go yourself whether he wants to or not. Even if you only go to a counselor once and decide you don't really need it... I highly recommend one visit. There is something going on here that is not immediately apparent to you and a counselor can help you find out what it is. There is NO reason for your husband to be getting sexual satisfaction from other women no matter what form he is getting it in.
If he wants to get books and go to sites to get "ideas" for your sex life... do it together. I am not saying that is necessarily a bad idea. My only absolute objection is to him being involved in ANY manner with other women.
You need to respect yourself, love yourself, and care enough about your marriage to not sit by and let this progress. It needs to be dealt with immediately before it gets out of hand. You are worth it.
I wish you the absolute best of luck with this. I only wish more people would get marriage help before they just gave up. Marriage is the hardest thing you can do and you are at that crucial time. Most marriages start to experience difficulties between year 2 and 4 and if they are not dealt with... it only gets worse until there may not be any turning back.
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Rating: 5
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Out of all the advice that was given... yours had to be the most helpful. I also give advice on this website. But when it came to this i needed advice from someone else. The thing with the other girl happened some time ago. but i also dont know if he is stil doing it or not. I know that he would not physically cheat on me but i dont like the fact that he is lying to me about going to the websites. I have decided that i would talk to him about it and i will let you know how it goes. check out my column sometime... its dimples3665 and thanks again for your help
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