about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

This is going to be long or no one is going to understand my situation.

Basically I'm 16 & Female: I had this perfect boyfriend (or so it seemed) we dated constant, no breakups, for 17 months. He, too, was 16. We planned so much, we were even getting engaged, it was perfect. Near January of this year, things started getting a little rocky between him & I. See we go to different schools so we never really got to see eachother that often. We planned to meet eachother at the bowling alley, and that night we got in a fight. The fight wasn't really over anything big, he just got mad at me over something & hurt my arm. But I told him that he had anger problems & needed to resolve them. So basically, for the next 3 days he ignored me. He ignored my calls, my texts, my messages, my emails, & he never called me back, returned anything. Then I had gotten on the computer that day & he broke up with me. I was not only mad that it was through the computer, but I was furious because of everything he threw away. A week down the road, he comes back to me & asks for this thing he called "break-up sex" I knew it would have been a mistake for me to have done it, but I wanted him back & I wanted that feeling back. So I agreed to it. Later on, he tells me that he's "talking" to someone & doesn't want to ruin things with her, so he doesn't want to have this "sex." I was hurt. Basically because I still wanted him back. Friday night, I went to the basketball game at his school to meet up with a couple of my friends, and he was there. He wasn't with anyone like he told me he would have been. So he texts me & asks me to meet him outside. We ended up having sex in the backseat of his car. I don't really regret it, but last night he told me that he never would ever get back together with me & that friday night was an accident. What is your all's opinion on this situation?

I could honestly write a book telling you all of the reasons why you should never talk to this guy again, but I'm sure you know all of them, so I'll condense it a bit.

First of all, he hit you. Once a guy does that, there's a good chance he can do it again. If a guy hits you and you don't do anything about it, he knows he can do it again, and usually it gets worse. If someone is abusive, they not only want to be in control of the relationship, they want to be in control of you.

Second of all, he had sex with you while you were broken up. He knew that you wanted him back, and he took advantage of that.

Lastly, he's playing with your emotions. "Break-up sex?" Give me a break! How inconsiderate is that? Plus, he ignored you when you told him he had anger problems, and if he were that great of a guy, he would have apologized for hitting you and realized that what he did was wrong. He seems self-absorbed and you DEFINITELY deserve better. You're not here just to entertain him.

Your best bet? Cut all ties with him. Don't talk to him. If he tries to communicate with you in any way, ignore him. You need time to get over him and all that he's done to you, and staying away from him is the best way to do so. You don't deserve to be with a guy who is so abusive.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
-Manders

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(Rating: 5) Thank you. honestly. Its like I know all those things & I know I should move on & quit talking to him, but for some reason I can't? It's like i'm addicted to him, it's really scary.
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