about

I am 48 years old (yes that's old compared to some of you).


I have worked in nursing and/or healthcare management positions for 24 years. Primarily OB, Neonatal, Mental Health, Occupational Health and Geriatrics. In Jan 2008 I started my own business to board horses and do equine/human education. I am also a certified dog trainer.


I've been around the block so to speak and seem to be always helping others. I've been told that the reason people seek me out for advice is that I am approachable and caring. But on the same token even though I consider the person's feelings. I tell it like I see it. I've dealt with people in trouble with the law, dysfunctional families such as those with abuse & marriage problems. Not to mention problems with employees and employers.


I don't ever claim to know it all, and always keep an open mind.

advice

I'm going to set the scene here by first giving some background information:

My brother, Dustin: 23 years old; senior in college; has a two year old son; unmarried and single; lives on his own.

I, Natalie: 16 years old; high school junior; unemployed (my parents told me not to work so I can concentrate on school); live with both of my parents.

Story:
My brother was over at my parents' house (where I live) last night. He was drinking and trying to show off to impress a girl his age that was also at my house. He was complaining about EVERYTHING. He said, "I'm a grown man, 23, and I can take care of myself".

However, my parents pay half of his rent, help him take care of his child, pay his college tuition, and supply him with a part time job (he works for my parents, who own their own business). The comment he made was very disrespectful to my parents.

When he gets to see his child every other weekend, my mom drives about thirty minutes away to pick up my brother and his son to bring them out to my house. My brother practically pushes the parental responsibilities that are needed to take care of a two year old on to my mother. She ALWAYS changes his diaper, feeds him, and plays with him while my brother sits on the couch. My brother gets frustrated when his own child is barely whining.

I think his actions as an “adult” are completely wrong. I know I can’t tell my brother how to live or act, but how could I effectively express my opinion of him?

You as a younger sibling you can certainly express your opinion, but it's probably not going to be very effective. Perhaps you can ask another family member (other than your parents) or an older adult to speak to your brother about his behavior. It sounds like he should go to some parenting classes, maybe your Mom can convince him to do so. He needs to learn to tolerate and care for his own child.

While there are some 23 year old males more responsible than your brother, I am certain that there are many more just like your brother. If your parents force him to be on his own, with no help from them after he graduates he will either step up to the plate and grow up or fail miserably--in which he will eventually learn from his own mistakes. It might not be until he's 30, but hopefully it will happen someday. In my opinion someone is not really grown up until they take care of every aspect of their life without help from others....sure he's capable of it, but will he?

As far as you, I think it's great that you see this as a problem that needs addressed. It shows your maturity, and It sounds like you are not willing to make the same mistakes that he has. Best of luck to you & your family.

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