Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Temp
Age: 26
Member Since: September 3, 2005
Answers: 222
Last Update: March 4, 2008
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well, i was in my bf's room a few weeks ago and he left for a moment, and i found a piece of paper saying "her" with an email address. I got immediately suspicious and remembered the email.
Later I added the email using a fake account and it turned out to be his ex! I started talking to her out of curiosity and we became "friends" she soon started going on about her ex and I know it was my bf she was referring to. i know they had been together a very long time and i think he really liked her, but the rest of the details of the relationship he didn't tell me because he knew i would be jealous. we were only friends when he was dating her. now i'm finding out all sorts of things, and i've found out he's lied to me about a few things from his past. she's also made out that he still isn't over her but she is over him. he told me he was over her. i really didn't mean to find this stuff out. the more i find out, the more upset i get. besides, i keep comparing myself to her because she's older than me and has had so many bfs and experience, and my bf seemed to like her more than me!
what should i do? should i continue speaking to her, or tell my bf everything and confront him? i feel awful about it now.. i wish i had never added her because it was going behind his back. but i also feel i need to keep speaking to her to find out the truth. this is a hopeless situation - please help? thank you (link)
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Hi There,
You're' poaching' their best mate
They probably feel a bit insecure and worry that they will have no-one to hang around with. This will make them put up a fight for their friendship, taking their anger out on you.
Don't act the same way. Try to understand the way they are feeling but don't let them treat you like dirt. If your new mate wants to stay friends with them, then try to include them in your plans. They may even come round and realise that it is possible to have more than one friend at a time, otherwise just avoid bitching and get on with it.
You're both their mate, but recently you've been getting on better with each other than with them.
They will feel left out, miss what they used to have with each of you, and worry that they will lose you both.
If you still like them try to keep them involved in your plans, and also encourage them to go out and socialise with others, maybe even arrange a few group outings yourselves. Try to soften the blow.
You are their best mate but you've got a new friend who they're jealous of.
They feel they are being replaced, their position as your best mate is under threat and their security will be knocked.
They might just need a bit of affection and reassurance. Talk to your best mate, explain that this new friend isn't taking their place, they're just fun to be around, and try and get the two of them together to get to know each other. Plan some quality time with just you and your best mate to make them feel wanted.
Signs that their jealousy is starting to get out of hand include the following:
calling your mobile while you are apart to check up on you
listening in on your phone conversations
hanging out at your house when you aren't around
interrogating other friends, lovers and family about your movements
following you, and turning up out of the blue everywhere you go.
Someone who flies into possessive rages for no good reason needs professional help, especially if they are violent. If they refuse to get help, get out of the friendship - it is unlikely that they will change (however much they promise they will) and you could be putting your personal safety in danger.
They've got a new friend and you can't spend as much time together. You feel left out as they are off gallivanting with their new mate and they don't have time for boring old you.
If you live with them or nearby, but they're never at home or out with you, it's fair enough to have an honest talk with them and say that you really want to spend more time together. If you really feel they are treating you unfairly, yet they don't want to change maybe its time you got yourself a new mate?
However if they do spend lots of time with you already, you're probably being unreasonable. Go out and get some other mates and some interests of your own to take your mind off your jealous thoughts.
Goodluck
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Rating: 5
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A 5 for trying, but I had a bit of trouble understanding what your advice had to do with my question at all.
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