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Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

I have a great girlfriend, one I've been going out for nearly three years now. We have never really fought or argued or been mad at each other or anything. We both have problems here and there with school and home, but small ones with each other. I do need advice on that though...See, my teacher once told me two years ago that most if not all guys will hear a girl tell her problem and then go to try and solve it, when really the girl just wanted him to listen and hear her out. Is that true? Sometimes I find myself doing that, even after thinking about what my teacher said. So my question is...does being a listener and just talking about a problem count just as much as trying to come up with a solution. For these kinds of problems I mean things like: yeah my friends did this to me; I'm not sure what to do about this sport; I feel a certain way when ___; etc. It does seem that half the time she tells me something, I right away try to come up with a solution or tell her what to do about it. It usually ends up falling right back in my face, or making her feel upset. Would you (girls) appreciate it more if the guy that was there...helped out with a solution, just listened to you about it and talked to you about it, or a little of each. Thanks, I would really appreciate it.

Sometimes, people will come to you just wanting someone to listen to their situation, and to have a shoulder to cry on. Not all people need advice; some just need some support.

You should be both a listener and you should come up with solutions.
If you can't solve a problem, for instance, if it isn't something you're familiar with, or if it just simply can't be solved, that's when you should be the listener and supporter. That's when you let her know that you care for her and if she needs anyone to talk to, you will always be there for her.

If you know what to do to solve a problem, then there's nothing wrong with coming up with a solution.

So yes, your teacher was somewhat right. Most people would prefer guys that helped solve problems and listened.

I hope I helped, and if you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥Manders

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