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Q: I have a great girlfriend, one I've been going out for nearly three years now. We have never really fought or argued or been mad at each other or anything. We both have problems here and there with school and home, but small ones with each other. I do need advice on that though...See, my teacher once told me two years ago that most if not all guys will hear a girl tell her problem and then go to try and solve it, when really the girl just wanted him to listen and hear her out. Is that true? Sometimes I find myself doing that, even after thinking about what my teacher said. So my question is...does being a listener and just talking about a problem count just as much as trying to come up with a solution. For these kinds of problems I mean things like: yeah my friends did this to me; I'm not sure what to do about this sport; I feel a certain way when ___; etc. It does seem that half the time she tells me something, I right away try to come up with a solution or tell her what to do about it. It usually ends up falling right back in my face, or making her feel upset. Would you (girls) appreciate it more if the guy that was there...helped out with a solution, just listened to you about it and talked to you about it, or a little of each. Thanks, I would really appreciate it.
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Being a listener in my opinion, counts more. I had a boyfriend back in high school that always tried to come up with a solution to my problems. This really irritated me, it made me feel like I wasn't capable of coming up with a solution. What's more, if I'm telling him my problem it means that at the moment I cannot find a solution and I'm frustrated. So all he's doing (in my eyes) is belittling me. Like I can't come up with the solution...when in all probability I've already tried what his suggesting. And then there were times when I told him that I'd already tried, and he'd just say something along the lined of "well maybe you did it wrong, or you should try it again like this...etc" And that REALLY pisses me off.
But that's my personal opinion, your girlfriend could feel differently about it. You might want to consider asking her if it annoys her, and that way you'll know. But I think it's great that you're asking, and that you want to make the effort. More guys should do this. :)
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more guys should...thats why we've been going out for so long
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bio
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Hey everyone, so it's been a while since the last time I was on here...A LOT has happened w/ my life. But I am back, and I'm here to help as always. So any questions I can help you with, please don't hesitate to ask, I will answer them all as honestly as possible, and if I can't answer something I will tell you that I can't, I will NOT give you false information or lead you on.
Also, and this is something I want everyone to know: No matter what I, or anyone else advices you to do, at the end of the day it should be your decision. We're only here to give you perspective, it's up to you to decide whether or not it is the best thing to do. (That was my little disclaimer :D) Feel free to contact me anytime, day or night.
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Info
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Website: E-mail: Gender: Female Location: Pennsylvania Age: 24 AIM: Member Since: January 8, 2006 Answers: 58 Last Update: May 16, 2010 Visitors: 8009
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