about

Hey kids! My name is Amanda, but call me Manders. I'm a psychology/neuroscience/biology student. Throw me questions and I'll throw you an answer. :)

advice

Well, my best friend died exactly a year ago as of yesterday. I'm not sure if many of you are familiar with my question I posted last year about her death, but so you can hear the whole story here's the link: http://advicenators.com/qview.php?q=248637

I've had a hard time dealing with her death, mentally and physically and I've been really depressed. I still blame myself for her death every day because I still feel that if I were there it wouldn't have happened.

I really need help coping with it... I've tried to keep myself busy with fencing, my boyfriend, my friends and schoolwork.. But nothing really seems to keep my mind fully off of what happened.

This past week, when her anniversary came up was when I really started to get depressed. I've gone to therapy because of her death and also because of other problems and my therapist keeps telling me that it wasn't my fault and that I couldn't have prevented it from happening. But if you really think about it, I COULD saved her. She kept begging me to go to the party with her but I said no because I wanted to be with my boyfriend. I think that if I wasn't being so selfish in wanting to spend so much time with my boyfriend, then I WOULD have gone to the party. My ex boyfriend WOULDN'T have slipped X in her drink he WOULDN'T have raped her and she WOULDN'T be dead.

I talk to her family almost every day and they always tell me that it's not my fault... But I still feel like it is.


How can I stop feeling like this is my fault? And how can I finally get closure on her death?

It's not your fault, as you know. You know that, but it's just hard for you to believe it.

You told her not to take drinks from parties. She didn't listen. She decided to take it. She made her own decision. There wasn't anything you could have done.

You can guide someone and help them make a step in the right direction, but it's their responsibility to take that step. Your friend didn't listen to you. It's not your fault that she didn't listen; like I said, it was her decision to take your advice or not.

You did the right thing by telling her that it wasn't good to take drinks from parties. You were being a good friend. You showed that you care about her.

The guy put ecstacy in the drink and gave it to her. She drank it. You did nothing wrong.

It's good that you're trying to keep yourself busy and that you aren't sitting around, moping and doing nothing. I didn't know your friend, but I'm pretty sure that she wants you to be happy. Please, keep trying, and I hope that all goes well.

If you have any more questions, feel free to leave one in my inbox!
♥Manders

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(Rating: 5) Thank you.. That really helped =)
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