Gender: Female
Location: UK
Occupation: Temp
Age: 26
Member Since: September 3, 2005
Answers: 222
Last Update: March 4, 2008
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I'm leaving for my 1st undergrad year very soon and I don't know what to do about my boyfriend when I leave. Should I try and conduct a long distance relationship?(My uni is in a different country to my home town). Or should I break up with him? Maybe a trial separation till Christmas when I return for the holidays? Or even an 'open relationship'?
Pros
1)I love him. He loves me.
2)My boyfriend and I will have been together for nearly 1 1/2 years when I go.
3)He's very sweet and he gets on with my family.
4)He's pretty good at sex.
5) He's accepting of my sexuality.
Cons
1) He's a compulsive liar.
2) I'm bi and uni will be my first real chance to explore that.
3)He cannot hold down a job. Or school/college.
4)His sex drive seems a lot higher than mine when we're together.
1)He wants forever and a family. I'm not ready to settle down and I never want to get married.
BTW we're both 18.
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hi there,
Being separated for so long at such a distance is enormously difficult. If you 'wait', it effectively means you have to put your social, sexual and romantic self 'on hold' for that time. And it means he has to do the same. You might want to consider coming to some arrangement with him that you will stay in touch electronically and by phone as much as possible. You can agree to support each other and love each other from a distance. But you might also want to agree that you won't stop each other from meeting other people and you won't stay home by the phone each night waiting for it to ring. If your relationship survives during this time, then I think you will both agree that you have something worth having and saving.
Meanwhile, you might want to focus on your state of mind. You might feel it's 'unfair' that your boyfriend is away. But his education is important - and that's that. You're not going to change it. One way of coping with it could be to socialise with other women whose men are away and to concentrate on doing some stuff for you. Maybe you could throw yourself into further education, or travelling, or a hobby. In other words, turn this into an opportunity rather than counting the seconds until you can be with him again.
You also need to see your own life with its various possibilities as valid and important. It may be that you are evaluating yourself through him. That's to say, you have felt better about yourself because you have a loving boyfriend. It's vital you feel better about yourself because you're you -not because you have a man. This is a difficult lesson to learn but an important one. People are able to form much better relationships when we like and love ourselves for who we are.
Finally, do lean on your family and your friends while you are so sad. Let them pamper and take care of you. If you do, things will soon seem more bearable.
Best wishes
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Rating: 3
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The advice seemed to be a pre-prepared response as it was not particularly relevant to my question. Read the question more carefully next time.
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