Miss_Lily's advice column

askMiss_Lily

advice column ask question view feedback favorite columnist advicenators

Q: Hi.
Well, my friends have all fallen out and I'm finding it really difficult to not take sides. Friend A said something nasty about friend B and friend C took friend B's side. This means that A is mad at C because she didn't take her side.
However, the nasty thing that A said was, in my opinion justified...
No-one is A's friend and I try and stick up for her because I don't think it's fair that B and C just slag her off behind her back all the time, but that makes them hate me. I want to take A's side even more when they do that. Plus friend B is SO annoying and is always doing weird stuff like humping us (seriously...everyone thinks we're lesbians or something) and messing up our hair and all this crap. So I should take friend A's side, right? Wrong. Friend A has said some really mean stuff over the years, none directed at me but I can't deny that it makes me wonder what she's thinking about ME. All their arguing is driving me crazy and I have to do something, and I don't want to take sides but it feels like I'm being forced to - B and C are horrible to me every time I talk to A. What can I do?

If they were your true friends, then they would never put you in a situation that would make you uncomfortable as forcing you to choose sides. If you still want to remain nuetral and keep your insanity intact, then you need to let both sides know that you will not choose sides, and that they shouldn't try to persuade you to do so either. Let both of them know that it makes you uncomfortable when they talk about the other to you because you still remain friends with both and if they could just keep their negative comments to themselves. If friend A has said mean stuff over a period of years, then maybe you should take a look at friend's A character. There are ways to say things, even if they are truthful but can be hurtful, with tact. If they still insist that you choose sides, maybe you should opt on expanding your social circle until this thing dies down. I have seen this oh so many times: You, being friend D, has decided to choose a side. Eventually, both sides decide to become friends again, and you will end up being disliked by the one whose side you did not choose.

Rating: 5

Thanks, that was such great advice!! I wish I could give you higher than a five!

bio

I am a 22 year old mother of two that has had to grow up a lot faster then her years. I have been married for four years, but now am seperated from my significant other due to lack of his being able to handle a mature relationship. I can relate to almost anyone, and have been sought out, both online and off, for my advice. I answer all questions truthfully and honestly. If I don't know an answer to a question or I think other resources would be helpful, then I go into researh mode until I find an answer or the proper resource. I aspire to be a life coach in the future, because I like helping people make decisions to make their life better for their future. I am here not only to answer advice questions on this site, but to also chat with you if you feel like you need a more indepth one-on-one help.

Here are some of the guidelines I go by when answering advice questions:

I am always truthful in any advice I give.
I would never give anyone any advice that I would not follow myself.
I take into consideration your feelings when answering questions, but I will not sugar coat anything. If you are wrong, then you are wrong and I will tell you so.
If I cannot answer a question to the best of my ability, then I will point you to someone who can, or I will research my butt off until I find a helpful solution for you.