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My friend (of 3 years) has an advice column here and in it he gave some girl advice and this is what it he told this girl to turn down a guy that liked her that she didnt like. He told her to not be friends with her either because that would cause the boy to suffer everyday.
I know that's about me. He's liked me for a very long time and I turned him down because Im just not interested in him that way. I really do care about him and I thought we could manage to just be friends. But obviously he's hurting.
He gets mad at me for not liking him back and every now and then he'll jokingly ask me why I cant love him. So I did what I thought he wanted. I stoped being friends with him. I cut him out of my life. I wrote him this long email about the entire thing and I told him it was done. He emailed me back pissed off but okay with it.
Now I dont know if I did the right thing. I wanted to help him because I remembered how bad it hurt with someone I had strong feelings for. But now Im feeling selfish.. part of me just wants to ignore his pain and just have him be MY friend.. like he's supposed to be. Do you think I did the wrong thing? =( I miss him. (link)
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Hi Sweetie,
First of all I am really gald you asked me this question because I have a lot of thoughts about it... especially since a REALLY SIMILAR situation happened to me recently.
My ex asked me to be his girlfriend and the excitment of the moment AND the pressure of his friends and stuff cause me to say yes (yeah, we actually were together). We weren't friends before so I really didn't know him. ...I didn't like him that way. Even as I got to know him. I simply didn't. He seemed like a nice person but... I really got depressed and felt guilt because I simply couldn't see him as my boyfriend. I really wanted out of the relationship. I broke up with him a few weeks ago (the Tuesday after Martin Luther King Monday... whenever that is... sometime in January). Well a day or so later he told me that he'd rather have me as a friend then not have me at all.
The difference is that I can't be friends with him... its difficult. Anyway, I found out he still likes me. But either way, he calls (almost every day... or tries to call everyday). We don't talk everyday actually but five days a week he asks me if its okay to call me. Actually he xt me a while ago wanting to call (which reminds me... I have to reply).
For a LONG time I felt guilty and I stressed out (especially because I was liking a friend of his...) Recently another guy came into my life and him as well as the conversations with my ex's boyfriend helped me to see that what my ex/s boyfriend was doing to me was worst then what I did to my exbooyfriend. My exboyfriend's friend lead me on to believe he liked me (perhaps he did but since he can't do anything about it he shouldn't had made me like him). See, if I would have stayed with mym ex and lead him on to believe I liked him he wouldn't had been able to move on (he hasn't completely moved on, from what I see, but he's making progress... and if he doesn't move on it is nop longer my fault... I gave him the freedom to move on). My exboyfriend's friend was leading me on... I'm with that new guy and... if I kept thinking my exboyfriend's friend likes me I would have rejected this new CUTE, NICE guy (...I hope you understand what I'm saying).
Back to YOU. Listen, you did the right thing. When someone doesn't have certain feelings for someone else... they cannot be forced. If you start something and get invol;ded with this guy... he could miss out on meeting a girl who feels the same way about him. Now that he doesn't understand that you did the right thing is a different story. Don't blame him, because when a person feels rejected they hurt-its human nature. Don't blame yourself either-his hurting is not your fault. If anything, him getting better will be thanks to you.
Sweetie, you obvously do care about this guy (not like the boyfriend-girlfriend thing but... as a human being) and I my advice to you (here it goes) is to be selfish (you're not really being selfish) and be friends with him. Well offer to be friends with him again. Don't worry about his hurting (I'm not saying not to care... just don't stress over it). His hurting is something that time will stop, not you. If he can't be your friend he won't. But he will tell you that. You don't have to infer that he doesn't want to be friends. One last thing, if he ever seems to make himself distant just be patient. It will take some time for him to completely move on... just give him space and be a friend.
My best wishes to you sweetie. You seem like a really REALLY nice person... I hope everything goes well. ...For both of you. Don't give up on him as a friend... ~Blessed be...
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Rating: 5
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Thank you so much. I really did not know what to do or where to turn. Hearing that you've had a story similar to mine really did help me. You've made me feel a lot better and I am very greatful. I hope you dont mind that I am adding you to my list of favoriates. Thanks again.
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