EnchantedSage's advice column

:/ well..ive been going through a lot lately. Im still not exactly sure whay happened...but one day after school my mom told me that dad went to the hospitol cuz hes depressed.A day later he got transferred to this phychiatric hospitol. (nothing like the padded walls where ppl are extremely crazy) but its a place for ppl who are depressed and stay there and see phychiatrists and stuff. I viisited him once but i acted coldly towards him...things were awkward plus i was scared. What can i do to make him feel better? I dont want to slip into depression also...how long could he be there for? Also..my Math A regents is coming up in jan. and i seriously need help in that...its jus so much goin on right now..

First, please DO NOT waste any energy feeling guilty about your reaction while visiting your father in the psychiatric ward. These facilities are extremely intimidating and scary and dealing with a hospitalized parent is a lot for a young person to process and handle.

I do, however, think it might be helpful for you (and for your father) to send him cards or letters while he is hosptialized. Initially, you can let him know that you love him and want him to get well and simply be honest that you acted coldly when visiting because you were nervous and uncomfortable about being in that setting. After that, you can just keep him informed about how you and the rest of the family are doing and that you are thinking of him and wishing him well.

Our society, as a whole, generally holds a lot of misconceptions about mental health diseases and seeking help can be pretty scary for an individual facing a mental health crisis. So, letting your Dad know that you care and are happy that he is getting help, even if it does scare you a bit, should make getting through this tough experience a little easier for him.

Also, it is common for children of parents with major mental health problems to struggle with mild forms of depression themselves. But, I don't tell you this to scare you, just to inform you. Being aware that you need to watch for patterns of depression in yourself can give you the edge that you need to get out in front of any depression problems that might start to surface. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you start to feel like you need it. And if you do begin to have problems with depression, know that you are not alone and it does not make you deficient in any way.

Your family is dealing with a disease and my advice would be to educate yourself as much as possible. If you know your father's specific diagnosis, then you can start learning about it over the internet or from a library. If you are not sure of his diagnosis, you could ask your mother if your father would be okay with her sharing that information with you so that you can educate yourself in an attempt to be more understanding of what your father and your family is facing.

I wish that I could tell you how long your father will be hospitalized, but I couldn't possibly know for sure. It really depends on his treatment plan and his progress. Please don't panic though. You can be supportive of your father and still focus on yourself. I'm sure that your father would want you to do well with your upcoming Math event and getting help with that will give you something to focus on besides what's going on with your family.

I know from experience that it can seem extremely unfair to have to deal with these kinds of issues at a young age when all you should have to worry about is being a teenager, but I promise you can get through this. Ultimately, the entire experience is likely to give you strength and understanding that you can't possibly imagine at the moment.

Be a loving child to your parents, be the best student you can "realistically" be and most importantly, be good to yourself and stay aware of what you need to keep yourself physically and mentally healthy. Focus on these things and try not to be too overwhelmed. My thoughts are with you and I wish you the best of luck in this difficult time.

Kind wishes,

[view]

(Rating: 5) ty

<<< Previous Advice Column

Next Advice Column >>>