EnchantedSage's advice column

(I asked this question to everyone before, but I have certain favorite columnists so I'll just ask them now)
Okay, well, there's a guy I know from MSN who I've been talking to for about a year now, friend of a friend, never met him in person. Last year we mentioned that it might be interesting to actually meet, though he did think that it might be a little awkward, but twice our plans got screwed up one way or another so we just dropped the subject. I didn't speak to him all summer because his computer broke down, and when he came back on I thought maybe I'd mention our idea again. He said he thought it might still be weird, but I said we should give it a try anyway because there was nothing to lose. He agreed and even suggested a place we could meet. A few weeks later, on a Friday, I said how about Sunday and he said yes, but we didn't decide on a time or anything, and come Sunday I didn't see him online until the late afternoon and he didn't even bring up our half-made plans. Anyway, the point of all this is that I really don't know what to do, whether I should keep trying or not. I really want to meet him because I like his personality but for all I know he finds me annoying. I don't know whether to let it go for another while so as not to seem desperate, or if I should just confront him and ask him to just tell me whether he wants to meet me or not so I can go from there. I really don't want to sound pushy. Sorry this was so long, but any advice would help. Thanks.
P.S.:Before I got answers about being careful because i don't know him. This is true, but I'm just telling you now that there's no need to worry about him being some old perv, I know 2 of his friends and random people who went to school with him, he ain't armed or dangerous, folks. :)

First, let me say that I know it is a powerful feeling when you are drawn to someone and sense a real connection with them. I understand your desire to take things to the next level which, in your mind, involves meeting each other face to face.

However, it seems to me that either your timing is "cosmicly off" on this situation (which could be the universe telling you it's not meant to be), or perhaps your on-line friend (we'll call him "MSN") simply wants to keep the relationship on-line. You have listed several times where the opportunity should have been there for you two to meet and it didn't occur because of his lack of follow-up. Some people really don't do well with direct confrontation of any kind and instead of just telling it to you straight, he might be using subtle hints to show that he is not ready to meet you in person and possibly never will be.

That doesn't mean that MSN does not value your friendship and want to keep you in his life. There are all kinds of healthy non-traditional relationships and there is nothing that says that the two of you have to follow any "standard protocol" for what the next step might be for you.

At the same time, if you have developed feelings for MSN beyond friendship and are finding that you are turning away from opportunities for relationships in your day-to-day life because you are waiting for something to develop between you and MSN, then I think you are being unfair to yourself. If this is the case, in your best interest, you should be honest with him and let him to know that you can no longer be his internet buddy only.

If, however, you can be content to continue your current on-line friendship without sacrificing your own feelings, then I say let things stay the same. MSN might just be nervous and if he's not pressured, in time, he might realize that he's ready to meet you no matter how awkward it might be. Since he is the one who is showing hesitancy, I would let him deal with it in his own time and leave the next move up to him. If someday he decides he wants an in-person relationship with you and you are already in one with another guy, then it will be his loss. In the meantime, you still have a good on-line friend. Best of luck to you.

Kind wishes,

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(Rating: 5) thanks VERY much!!!

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