EnchantedSage's advice column

This is a bit of a hot-button topic and I want everyone to know that I understand extreme responses, but I am asking here in the spirit of recieving support and suggestions. I'm interested in the practicalities of your opinions, here, not simply upon recieving judgement. PLEASE show some compassion and kindness.

So here's the deal: Next week I'm taking a plane flight to Scotland to marry my partner of 6 years. We have a very strong relationship. However, I feel I have very little on the level of practical support to offer in the relationship -- such as a finished education, a job, general income, etc. This relationship is my priority at all times and I will not compromise it for anything.

Recently, I was looking through job offers in a local paper and found an ad for escorts, offering daily cash, a safe environment, and training. According to the person running this service, an escort can make $10,000 a week -- with such an income, I could not only prepare MYSELF for travel, but I could help my incapacitated father a $1000 root canal on his last working tooth (his densures don't work for chewing), I could pay off ALL my college debts, and I could move on with my life.

However, I know that there are many negative aspects to consider in the world of escorting: disease, stigma, relationship integrity, and legality, as well as personal spiritual health & self-image.

If I lived in a world that had none of the above negative factors, I'd be all over the opportunity! Unfortunately, such a world doesn't exist, and I'm here asking you for alternate ideas, suggestions, anything really.

I'm stuck between my debts, my desire to contribute & not be dependent, my sense of responsibility, my feelings of inadequacy and desperation, and a general feeling that escorting is not something I should do, due to the risks. Help?

No judgments here. It's obvious that you are just trying to weigh the pros and cons for what seems like a possible solution to problems in your current circumstances. It is a very rational and understandable approach. However, it seems that you have already raised enough cons to tip the scale heavily in the "it's not a viable solution" side. It's obvious that the idea of escorting raises a lot of practical negative issues as well as some moral ones. (I'm not judging but making an observation based on the way you talked about it in your question).

Escorting may seem like a simple blanket solution, but I fear that it could cause more problems for you that it might solve. Maybe some of the problems/dangers you have already considered but sadly, there could be some you aren't even prepared for at all. Easy fixes are sometimes land mines in our lives.

I don't have a specific alternative solution for you, but I believe that if you make up your mind that the escorting is not a good idea and put it out of your head altogether, that will open up your mind to other possibilities.

In case you haven't realized it lately, please allow me to point out how lucky you are to be in a committed relationship with someone you love who loves you back. Talk to your partner. Be open and honest about your fears and your concerns. If you are serious about the idea of "partnering" with someone for life then you must realize that sometimes your partner leans on you and sometimes you lean on them. It's okay to let your guard down and be dependent on someone who you love and trust. In your long life together, there will be plenty of time for you to return the favor down the road. Best of luck to you with whatever you decide.

Kind wishes,

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(Rating: 5) This was pretty much a holistic answer; it covered so much! Perfect 5, + I'm going to check out your column. :)

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