EnchantedSage's advice column

this is going to be long...

I have this gut feeling that my brother is gay. I really believe that he is. I don't have a problem with it or anything because I love gay people. His best friend is bisexual even though he won't admit it. He's kissed guys in the back of school and I've seen him and he also kisses girls. So I pretty much know he's bi. So getting back to my brother, I just really think that he's gay! I swear it's like i have gay-dar or something like that, he's always staring at my boyfriend when he comes over, when he has his friends over, they are in his room for like 2 freakin hours WITH THE DOOR LOCKED and if he hears me walking up to the door he yells at me. I mean come on, he's never had a girlfriend and he always says he doesn't want one and that he'd never get married. He says, and I will quote, "Girls are a waste of my time." When I told some of my friends that I thought he was gay, they all responded with "I always knew something was up with your brother." Or something along those lines. Even guys that barely know my brother say that he's gay. My only worry is that my dad is homophobic, and my mom said that she'd be really upset if she found out that he was gay even though she has gay friends. How do I tell my mom of my suspicions? If it's true how would my dad react in the future when he comes out? How can I deal with this??

My suggestion is to not worry about your Mom and your Dad's reactions for now and just concentrate on your own. It's sounds like you are supportive of your brother whether he is gay or straight and for that I say "right on".

If and when your brother decides to come out about his homosexuality to you, your parents, or the whole world, the best thing you can do is make sure that he knows how much you love and support him. If he doesn't have the support of the rest of the family, that will make your support all the more important and precious to him.

For now, I say leave the whole issue alone. Your brother's sexuality is his business and his business alone. Don't force the issue. If you want him to know that you would be supportive of his homosexuality, perhaps you could just make general statements when he is around that show that you are open and not judgmental of people's sexuality and that you think everyone should be allowed to be who they are. This way your brother will know where you stand without being forced to talk about himself if he's not ready to share it with you yet. Best of luck to you.

Kind wishes,

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(Rating: 5) thanks so much!! this is the second time you've given me GREAT advice! thank you!

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