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My advice motto is LISTEN-CARE-RESPOND! BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - we are stronger than we give ourselves credit for!
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I am a 39 year old woman who has been seeing the same man sexually for almost 2 years. What we have is very special. We both admit that. We have made an agrement with each other not to sleep with anyone else except each other. My problem is that I want more out of this relationship. And because it has been sexual, I can't tell if he wants the same. In the past when I asked for a committment, he said he couldn't at that time, because he has goals he needs work towards and needs to focus on them. Even though he said he would like to the timing was off. I am feeling like it will always be sexual, nothing more. Can I be wrong? Should I wait it out? I do have very strong feelings for this man.
Thanks
I know that this will be hard because you have deep feelings for this man, but ultimately, I believe you need to walk away. Even if, at one time, you were okay with having a physical relationship without an emotional committment, that has obviously changed for you. Your feelings have developed beyond the reality of your relationship. If your partner is not willing to evolve the relationship to accomodate your feelings, then it is no longer a healthy place for you to be. I don't believe that giving him an ultimatum will work either. I think that you need to explain that although you were initially fine with a physical relationship, that you now need more and that since he is not in a place to provide you that, you have to do right by yourself and move on. And, here is the kicker... you have to mean it. There is the possibility that you walking away from the situation could cause him to realize that he also wants more and doesn't want to lose you, but that has to be his realization and not one that you manipulate him into. Walking away from someone you care about is heartbreaking and difficult, but you are worthy of more than you are currently receiving. When you are willing to do right by yourself, in the long run, you will be amazed by the positive experiences that the universe will put in your path. But, you have to make a committment to yourself first. Best of luck to you.
Kind wishes,
(Rating: 5) Thank you so much for you advice. This really helps and does make perfect sense.