It seems as if you and your husband have some HUGE communication problems, but that is still no reason for him to say things to you that are hurtful, especially if it is things that he doesn't mean and will regret later on. In order to have communication, with him or anyone for that matter, three elements must be present:

1. There has to be a sender of message. (The person that talks about a problem or issue that you all are facing.)
2. There has to be a receiver of message. (The person who listens to the problem.)
3. And after the discussion, there has to be understanding. (Ex. How something has made you or him feel, and possible solutions.)

Also, it seems like something else is bothering your husband that has nothing to do with him. You have to sit down with him one day when both of you are calm and actually talk about your problems, or what is affecting him outside of your home that is making him react so irrationally. When you see that he is obviously irritated, you shouldn't keep bugging him. That only escalates the problem. Wait until the storm has calmed before you approach him.

It is okay for you to not be okay with him, because in any marriage there will be days that you and him will not get a long. You shouldn't have so much dependance on him to where you cannot function properly if he is upset with you. You have to find a creative way to channel your emotions.

I see that you are placing a lot of blame on yourself, but it takes two to create a problem. You can show your respect for him by the things that you do for him. But he has to return that respect back to you. If all else fails, and you cannot find a solution on your own, then maybe it would be best for you two to seek marriage counseling if both of you want to make your marriage work.

I hope that I have been helpful in some way. Take care hon, and good luck to you and your husband.


[EDIT: an appendage to what was said before]
I just received your feedback, and I am going to add more to my advice. Seek counseling soon. If both of you have anger from your past that you haven't dealt with, then you need to deal with it now, especially if it is taking a negative toll on your marriage. Past pains is what ruined my marriage. I thought that eventually they would go away, but they didn't. If you want him to know that you want him in your life forever, then tell him. How many times a month do you have a romantic date, the way you dated when you first met? Then do that. A lot of marriages let themselves go because they forget that you should still "date" while you are still married. The only thing I can reiterate here is to sit him down and talk to him when you both are calm and willing to talk about your marriage rationally. If you express yourself better in writing, then write him a long and well over-due letter. Communication has to start somewhere. I know bad habits are hard to break, but if you want him to change, you have to be willing to change too. And that starts with you taking control of what you say and do towards him.

I am a 22 year old mother of two that has had to grow up a lot faster then her years. I have been married for four years, but now am seperated from my significant other due to lack of his being able to handle a mature relationship. I can relate to almost anyone, and have been sought out, both online and off, for my advice. I answer all questions truthfully and honestly. If I don't know an answer to a question or I think other resources would be helpful, then I go into researh mode until I find an answer or the proper resource. I aspire to be a life coach in the future, because I like helping people make decisions to make their life better for their future. I am here not only to answer advice questions on this site, but to also chat with you if you feel like you need a more indepth one-on-one help.

Here are some of the guidelines I go by when answering advice questions:

• I am always truthful in any advice I give.
  
• I would never give anyone any advice that I would not follow myself.
  
• I take into consideration your feelings when answering questions, but I will not sugar coat anything. If you are wrong, then you are wrong and I will tell you so.
  
• If I cannot answer a question to the best of my ability, then I will point you to someone who can, or I will research my butt off until I find a helpful solution for you.

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