Member Since: July 3, 2013
Answers: 130
Last Update: October 3, 2016
Visitors: 5810
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I started dating a girl in December, I'm not going to say all the normal love stuff, because, this was a normal relationship, we believed we were perfect for eachother, we loved eachother, ect. Her parents liked me, I went to church and all with them, they were Catholic I'm Baptist.
Well, she would always say how she's always hungry, she doesn't eat as much (later finding out they sometimes don't give her food for like a day or two), her parents call her names like slut, whore, bitch, just cause their mad or so, or they'd slap her, like, they slap her all the time when they don't get their way basically. Sometimes they whip them (her and her sister) with a belt I believe, but it never leaves bruises so she thinks it's "not illegal" because of that, but it burns and hurts her like hell. One time she said "my mother whipped me with a belt 15 times because I drew on the blinds"
Anyways on with the story, everything was normal, until the day before valentines day, her mom grounded her because we were 30 minutes late from the lake which was half a mile away. February 17th or 18th I forget, she got in a argument with her mom, as always the slapping, name calling, she was unhappy. We ran away in the middle of the night together, she said she was going to run away even if I didn't.
So, I protected her, we ran away, we were gone for 18 hours. When we came back, we went into the house and talked to the parents, well, the parents are HIGHLY manipulative and all so remember this later. The mother said how she doesn't even want my girlfriend there, if it wasn't for the dad she wouldn't be there, and responsibility this responsibility that, basically saying their all gonna die if she doesn't do things right, her mother is literally mentally unstable or something... The cop came obviously, the dad said I was a good kid he liked me and all, and we hugged when I left. Everything was normal.
The next day I went there, the mom was mad obviously, we hanged out for 2 or 3 weeks in a normal way. Then I had to goto another state for 3 weeks, I told them I was leaving, and I really was, but I had problems and went to the state over instead with my family for 5 days. Well, we snuck out when I got back because we knew we wouldn't be able to see eachother until the weekend, we always wanted to see eachother. This wasn't the first time we snuck out, and we've been caught 3 times before by her parents. They forgave us though each time.
This time, I lied to the mom sadly saying I was in Missouri. Acted like I was worried the next day ect, the sister had told the mom the truth I guess. The mother 2 days later (March 7th) filed a Protection Order, for no legit reason. Ill say the statements later. The P.O. was served to me March 9th
The dad, is like loyal to the wife because their catholic and all, not to bash the religion in any way. But he just is. I know he would never do this, he didn't file anything. Anyways I went to the house to reconcile with him and he just kept saying go, go, go bla bla no reason then just started saying I was too old. He knew I wasnt, he liked me, he was just doing this for the wife. Cops ended up coming I still refused to leave because I wanted to reconcile, then they tresspassed me.
Anyways, March 17th, I went to walmart, they were all there, the dad walked like "Hey (my name), I see you got a job!" What? "You're wearing your uniform!" Oh yeah "Well, bye!" he was all happy and everything.
After seeing me 3 more times he left with my gf to the car.
March 20th came, the P.O. court date, the statements on it were "Ran away, sneaking out to the lake several times, reporting bullying and saying everything will be okay" I reported her being bullied from people.. And they think thats bad? Hah. Well, the mom anyways. We told the judge about how their using me as a disclipinary tool, how they call her names and mental abuse, how I always just helped her. Not really detailing it but that's short for it, Judge said "Everything was in good intentions for her nothing was done wrong, all he did was help her." and set the P.O. for 3 months.
We got letters on March 24th and March 27th saying how they hurt her she doesn't wanna be there that they say their the "dictators" of the family and they slap her, call her bitch and slut, and that her Aunt threatened to kill me and has a plan and a gun in her car. And will do anything for her mom she doesn't care cause she loves her mom.
Sad.
April 3rd we violated it, she was being starved I heard so I was going to take her to McDonalds, cops caught us within 5 minutes because I "ran a stop sign", well I was on a slope. It was dark, so yeah.
April 9th, the mother chased me, followed me, I ran from her to my friends house and a cop started grabbing me for no reason when he came to investigate so I pushed him and got charged for assault and battery and a violation, went to jail for 6 days. I really did nothing wrong, this cop just started grabbing me then shoving me into the police car because I yelled my mothers number at my friend because he wouldnt let me call her, I KNEW the cops wouldn't call her thats why I tried. Cop wasnt listening to me say they were chasing me before all this, he detained me as soon as he saw me in my truck he said get out and I did then I was like am i being detained he was like yes. He cant do that without any further cause...
So yeah I was arrested. Went to jail for 6 days and now I'm under 24/7 supervision for awhile, we believe their going to give me probation in another state...
Well, we have around 3 open DHS cases on her, then 2 more from other people we believe. But DHS hasn't visited her since ending of March, its May now. And their all open cases.
Now here's where things get interesting, this just happened, and is why I'm looking for help.
2 days ago she showed up to my house, freezing, wet, covered in grass. It was a 4 mile walk to out here, through the lake woods and all. I was so sad I let her in, got her my sweats and got her warm, held her, she explained what happened how they hurt her and she doesn't wanna be there, she showed me a bruise which is the size of a french fry, my friend and her said it was bigger, it's 4 days old, still blood red.
Her mother ended up showing up, we called the cops, but she was saying she doesn't wanna be there they hurt her they hit her they call her names and just wanted help... A Sheriff came in, I was in the other room then because the PO, my mother was with them, my Gf had said all I've said how they hurt her and call her names she doesnt wanna be with them shes scared and unhappy and some stories on how they hurt before.
So sheriff took her to the police car and then talked to us then talked to her parents. There was another sheriff here then, they pulled out a letter. They talked for like 30 minutes. Now before we continue, this family is highly manipulative, believable, looks normal but when you leave their house their evil and hitting her. They've lie to the POLICE (not sheriff) to think were Sex Traffickers, idk if they believe it just because "were from Arizona" and my mother said it was okay if my Gf wanted to live with us, when she ran away, if it was okay with the parents. So because of that they lie about some stuff.
My gf said to the sheriff how when the police come her parents make them goto the room and their never really questioned or get to talk that the police and her parents just get along... So now theres gonna be more DHS and police involved I guess.
Anyways, sheriff sent her back with the mom, said theres going to be in-house DHS counciling, police, and all. It's devestating because my GF absoloutely doesnt want to be with them, they seriously hurt her. They wont let her go with her real mom the sheriff said "THAT IS NOT POSSIBLE" in a loud voice, because the mother lied to them we think.
The letter the mother showed them was a letter, in short, saying "I'm running away to see (my name)" which ruined everything I think. Because cops said she didn't run away because they hurt her, which is WHY she did run away, she told me, but yes, she came to me to tell me first, she wanted help they do hurt her.
What can we do?!
I've made about a 6 page letter to the dad since theres no Protection Order from him...
Were not doing this just so we can see eachother, that's part of the reason, but they really hurt her she wants out.
I have just turned 17 and she has just turned 15, at the end of April and beginning of May.
When she came here she said her mother had said "Now I see why (cousins name) mother let her boyfriend move in." (link)
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I'm going to give it to you straight. This is an incredibly difficult situation, but priority number one is realizing it's not long until you're 18 and a lot of the things you've been doing will not be able to be explained away with "I wasn't doing anything wrong" because they'll be on your record forever and there's no room on a rap sheet for the story behind it. It's not enough to do right in this world, you've got to appear like you're doing right, too. This sounds superficial and meaningless because you have someone you love who is in pain, and I know you're trying to do the honorable thing by taking care of her, but appearances do matter and there are things the two of you are doing that are starting to appear shady enough that the cops are coming after you. By no means am I saying that cops are the best judge of character, but rather: you don't want to be in the position to be misjudged. That can f*ck up the rest of your life, no lie. Once you hit 18 and you violate a PO on your underage girlfriend, that's kidnapping and you could be looking at prison. Bring her a sandwich at school until this gets straightened out, don't take her to BK, ok?
With your girlfriend, it looks like her parents are not even close to perfect people, and I don't think religion has anything to do with it. There are impatient, rude, vulgar people of every faith and it's almost always a response (as unenlightened as it may be) to real obstacles. There is no excuse for abuse, and if that's truly the case, you are not the person to save her. Your girlfriend needs to go to a trusted authority, like a school counselor, and work on finding a safe living environment with stable adults caring for her.
I honestly don't feel convinced from your account that your girlfriend hasn't massaged the picture of less-than-graceful parental discipline to sound worse than it is. They are her parents and they almost assuredly really do have a genuine love for your girlfriend and are possibly legitimately upset by things she's doing, like lying to them repeatedly, and maybe other things that you don't know about. You've said her father seems like a nice and reasonable guy and that he supports his wife's discipline, that doesn't sound like criminal abuse to me. If you want to be there for her for the long run, helping her either get help from a competent authority if it's truly abuse, or helping her have a better relationship with her parents will be better for you both than any more running away or lying. I don't think that's the answer you wanted, but one day you'll be 30, and looking back on a serious criminal charge for your 15 year old girlfriend will be a much bigger regret than you realize.
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Is it normal to skip your period for nearly two months near to 3months? Í Am sexaully active and thought I was pregnant and took two home pregnancy test and it came out negative I'm extrememly worried because there's no sign of it being near. (link)
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There are lots of reasons for irregular periods: stress, weight loss, hormonal disruption, etc. It may be worth it to make an appointment with your doctor to check endocrine levels and talk about stress reduction or a healthy, adequate diet. One way to reduce stress is to get on a reliable form of birth control. Planned parenthood offers many types of BC on a sliding scale.
If you had sex in the last 14-17 days, it's possible you could be pregnant and it wouldn't show up on a pregnancy test yet, but that wouldn't account for the last two months if you've been getting negatives the whole time. Make sure you're taking the test according to the manufacturer's directions, check the expiration, use the first pee of the morning, don't superhydrate beforehand (a glass of water in the morning is fine, chugging a gallon will give inaccurate results).
-Cardie
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How do a girl who is dateing a friend but being cheated on by him without my parent knowing but satisfie her enogh where she wont tell him?
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There's no real satisfaction without honesty and a clear conscience. I think the situation bothers you, and that's what prompted you to write for advice. Do what you know is right.
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Do you think it's possible to get another degree while in med school? Or do I think the extra courses for the degree will get in the way of med school? (link)
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It's absolutely possible! Most schools have joint degree programs. If you have a clear vision of what you want to do that will make use of both degrees, it could be worth the effort, but you will spend a few more years in school, how many varies depending on the second graduate degree.
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Well I'm fifteen and while I was just doing my buisness and I noticed I poop with some blood I got scared and don't know whats wrong what is wrong? (link)
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A small amount of bright red blood came from a surface anal tear while straining and isn't serious, though it can be painful. You'll know because you feel stinging right at the surface of the sphincter. Look up fissures and hemorrhoids for relief suggestions, the most important of which is to get more fiber in your diet and avoid straining. There are some positions and exercises that help the bowels move without straining also. If it's dark blood that didn't come from around your anal sphincter, it's potentially very serious and you should see a doctor right away.
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Ways not to get preganet
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Prevent sperm from reaching egg (which can happen when a man releases even some small quantity of semen inside the woman's vagina). I would suggest condoms on a man, combined with another kind of birth control (pill, patch, shot, IUD, diaphragm, sponge) for the woman. Avoiding vaginal intercourse until this is in place is very important. Look up birth control on Wikipedia. I hope you don't get pregnant until you're ready.
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Sorry for the ineloquent subject/title. Anyway, I'm going to start out by saying I don't want this to turn into a debate. I just want my question answered. :)
So, possession of marijuana is illegal where I live (unless you have a license or whatever). And I haaaaaaaaate drugs, alcohol, things of that nature. Those things make me extremely uncomfortable. Now don't get me wrong, people have the right to smoke that stupid crap, but in a state where it's LEGAL. Here where I live, it's illegal, end of story. Well, I work at a grocery store, and let's just say some of my coworkers don't make the best of decisions... Sometimes, they come to work high. At it makes me so sad, mad, and anxious to be around that. I get SO uncomfortable. I think I have a right to not want to be around that. It's different if I'm at a party or something. If someone brings out the booze for us minors or people start blazing up, I can leave. But I can't do that at work. If I walked off the job, I'd be fired. I have to work close by these people, too.
I'm not making plans to sue or anything like that. And whether or not I should tell my supervisor isn't the concern. I was just wondering, because a friend and I were talking about this, and I said "When they come to work high, it takes away my choice to want to be around that crap or not. It infringes on my rights." Well, he goes "It only infringes on your rights when it's harming you. They're not harming you, so you can suck it up." I think that's bogus. My argument is, what about laws against sexual harassment or religious discrimination? If someone says "HEY, nice tits, baby! -Motor boat noises- ;)" that's considered sexual harassment, and they can get fired for that. That would violate my right to an unoffensive/non-hostile work environment. Same with drugs, I think. They're illegal, and they make me uncomfortable, and offend me. I choose to stay away from them. By being forced to work with those people, it takes away my right to choose.
What do you think? Do I have the right to choose to not be around that crap? Or is my friend right, they're not harming me, so my rights are not being infringed? Thanks for reading! (link)
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You're right that your workplace should be free from harassment and discrimination, and if drug use is causing any of that behavior, then you'd be right to be concerned.
There's no right, however, not to be offended by what people do in their private lives. Illegality isn't everything, at one time it was illegal for Blacks to use the same facilities as Whites, and that wasn't justifiable by reason of another's personal discomfort or offense of sharing space with a person of another race. If you're old enough to work, homosexuality was illegal in some states in your lifetime (until Lawrence v. Texas, 2003), and homosexuality still makes many people uncomfortable or offended, but there's definitely no such thing as a right not to be offended. In fact, the first amendment protects free speech, which is most important when it is an unpopular statement that some people won't like. We protect some offensive things because we value liberty and difference.
You're right that free speech stops at sexual harassment in the workplace. You shouldn't feel objectified or abused, and I'm glad you're standing up for that. But those would be things actively done to you. Unless they're operating more dangerous machinery than a cash register high, they're not endangering you. They're coming to work high, not blazing up in front of you, so you're not being exposed to smoke or the drug itself. I think it's admirable that you want to stay drug-free, I'm sure you have a good head on your shoulders. I would just caution you from judging others by one aspect of what they do and using language that rejects any of your coworkers' value entirely, "By being forced to work with those people" could be considered more hostile and prejudicial toward them than their drug use is actively being hostile to you. "Being a pothead" isn't actually a crime, status crimes are unconstitutional (Robinson v. California). If they were dealing or possessing on the jobsite, or doing dangerous things under the influence while at work, then they would be exposing you to criminal activity, and although there's no right not to witness crimes, they're not even forcing you to be around crime at work unless they are doing those specific things at work.
In life and work, you'll have to be around all kinds of people from all walks of life. Thank God, because the biggest lessons are learned from the people we would never choose. It's fine to hate the sin, but try to love and understand the sinner.
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My children and I had plans with a friend today. We made the arrangements ahead of time and decided we would eat lunch on our own and then meet up. Around the time we were supposed to meet, this friend let me know that someone else was joining us and the two of them would be getting lunch first. I didn't think it was a big deal, so I went along with it. Then, she was 30 minutes late. She didn't start eating for another 15 minutes. By this time, my children were tired of waiting. I decided to try to calm them down, but to no avail. An hour and 15 minutes after we were supposed to meet, we finally started to do what we were there for. But, my children were in such foul moods from waiting around that I had to leave. I felt that the whole thing was very inconsiderate since we had made plans the day before and she changed them last minute. I felt rude for leaving, but really didn't have a choice. Should I be upset for this person's lack of concern for my situation or just chalk it up life and not think twice about it. (link)
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You seem like an incredibly gracious friend and attentive mother, and you balanced it as well as you could. Getting upset and holding on to anger doesn't solve anything, it's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to suffer, so don't keep it all inside you. Speaking up is the best way to set up expectations that you'll be respected in the future. Of course you don't want awkwardness between you, or to get a reputation for meanness or drama, so simply stick to what you do and don't want and why. You can be pleasant and say please, but "because" is really the magic word. There's a reason I want this, and it's in your best interest, too.
Like: "Pal, because kids don't behave well when hungry or tired, and because I only can get an hour or so of sitting out of them, next time we meet up, I want to make sure it's within 10-15 minutes of when we agreed-to, otherwise we won't really get to see each other, because I have to get them home when they're ornery or it's unpleasant for everyone."
I loaded it up with becauses; without them, the statement would come across as a complaint rather than a reasonable request. Don't waste time complaining, it's impossible to make her feel as bad as you did--and that can backfire with her likely sob-story excuses that will just derail the conversation from what you want.
If she's a super flake who's never seen a clock and would find meeting on time impossible, tell her you want her to meet you at your house from now on. Pick a day when it doesn't matter when/if she shows up and just let the kids do their thing. Or, if you like getting out of the house, start showing up an hour late to meet her if that's her way of operating. Or just inform her of where you'll be throughout the day (e.g. zoo at 10, burgers at 12) and if she can show up while you're still there, great, and if she can't get there, looks like she missed you.
Lateness can be frustrating, but she's probably gotten the lecture before and ignored it, so don't make it about her character flaw, or she will probably just tune you out. Good luck!
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I have known my girlfriend for 6 months and been dating her for 5. I am 28 and she is 30 and she is american and im english.
When we first met and started talking we hit it off big time. I told her from the first day that i wanted to be completely open an honest with her, especially after i had been lied to and cheated on in both my only 2 serious relationships....this meant telling her that as of the last 3-4 years whilst i was single i had dated alot and had had many casual partner & one night stands (i dont know my actual number but i told her it was 35). At the time she was shocked and didnt know what to think of me, but i really liked her and expressed my feelings for her and explained that as of the last year /6 months i had made a concious effort to stop partying, being wild, no more casual dates and to just wait for the 'right girl' i felt i could love and trust. Furthermore, as part of us getting know eachother we both talked about our last dates / relationship. The thing with my last casual / semi serious date is that it was with another american girl. I explained all this as honest as i could and explained i didnt have an 'american girl fetish' or anything...its just co-incidence how things have worked out.
She on the other hand has only has 2 serious relationships and says she has never been the sleeping around / casual dating type..which i truly believed...she has no reason to lie. Her past relationship was very abusive and she was physically harmed and it ended badly. i dont know whether this is a result of that, but she can be a very insecure person and often needs constant reassurance id never hurt her, or cheat on her..etc etc. an im more than willing to do this everytime its needed as i truly love her and feel sorry she went through her bad past.
anyway, after we got it all out in the open, she fully accepted what i was telling her and a month later we became serious and bf/gf.
Since then we fell truly head over heels in love with eachother and ive never felt this way about anyone before...i genuinely think (thought...seen as how shes now breaking up with me) that she was 'my one' and i told her this and she said she felt the same. ive been more romantic and done things in this relationship that ive never done before...showering her with flowers, gifts, travelling with her to the US to meet her parents and suprising her for her 30th birthday etc we've met eachothers familys and friends and everything was rosey....right up until last night
She began questioning me about the previous american girl i casual saw...asking specific times and months we dated, how serious we were...etc etc. I told her again what i told her when we first met...but played it down abit more than was actually the case, as i didnt want to make think that anything i had was as serious as what i have with her now...which is honestly the case. What i didnt know was that she'd been on my facebook page and trawled back thru all my old msgs, comments and photos between me and the other american girl, which are very 'coupley' and flirty. not only that but alot of what id wrote to her was similar to what ive wrote to my now / recently broken up with gf (english - american banter etc). She WENT ABSOLUTLY CRAZY BESERK.
saying that i lied to her, i was way more serious with her then i first said, that the dates and times i orginally said didnt match with fb dates n times (they were a month or so out here and there which i honestly didnt know...i dont memorise things like that). I told her i was sorry i didnt explain all the details about the previous relationship...and in all honesty it wasnt as serious relationship as what i have with her now. She did not and can not accept that. She says im a liar..i lied about something really important.
To make matters worse...she then trawlled through even more of my fb, looking as far back as 3-4 years ago and going through every girl im friends with. As ive stated before, i did sleep around alot had many dates...so over the last few years theres alot of fb comments, photos etc...not really on my page as i deleted alot. but theres alot on other peoples. When she saw this...how i spoke to them, how i flirted etc tec...she said she didnt feel special, nothing we had over the last 6 months was special anymore, id done exactly the same as id did with all the other girls already and that she didnt really know me anymore, or who i was...etc etc.
i pleaded with her that i told her this from the start, that it was my past, that i was ashmed of it, that i was a different person as of the last 6-8 months (basically just before i started dating her)and that id that all i ever cared about since meeting her...was her. furthermore...that i loved her and id never put as much love, romance, effort into anyone else before her. I couldnt describe enough how special she is / was to me.
She didnt believe any of it though. she kept saying i lied, i was a player, i would use her, nothing about what ive done is special, i treat her like every other girl before and that she wont be just another notch on the bed post. she the abruptly ended with me. all that in 5 hours in one night after 6 months. its been a day an ive not heard from her and dont know what to do?
Did i do anything wrong? what should i have done? what should i do now?
advice would be greatly appreciated, thanks (link)
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The first important step in diffusing her insecurity is to validate her concerns; they're not crazy, even if she sounds it when she's trying to express these deep fears. Understand that she wouldn't react that way if she didn't care about you a great deal. I was won back from a very similar situation. It helped that he was clear that although I wasn't his first partner, I would be his last and only from now on.
Find the message she needs to hear to reassure her that you will be true: her specialness, that you've never loved anyone this way, that you didn't hide the badness you've done in the past, because although you weren't trustworthy back then, you wanted to do things differently now because of how you felt for her. If the last American were that special, if any of them were, you'd be fighting for them, but your fighting for her.
Admit that you felt affection for the other, but then explain exactly why things didn't work out with the last woman and exactly why your gf has made you forget about her and how this new relationship makes you more certain than you were before. Show her all the ways you've grown up since your oat-sowing days. Put it in writing, tell her you love her, ask for one chance to show you're sincere in your intentions for her. It might help if you could clarify what you see in the future with her and when you see that happening, that was what mattered to me, because I wanted to start a family. The more distinctions you can draw from the past and more certainties you can give for the future, the better.
All is not lost. She just needs to know she's safe with you, that it's different this time.
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I've been seeing this guy mark for quite a while and i really like him. I'm 18 and he's 21. But I hate the fact that he goes to strip clubs! I think its completely disgusting and degrading towards women! No one would like their man getting a lap dance from a naked girl and feeling all up on her! Not to mention their completely nasty sluts! I dont think it's worth the 10 bucks at all for that and especially if he has a good women that can do the same damn thing for free! It's a complete insult to me and it's a slap in the face...like im not good enough to get him turned on that he has to go waste his money and watch nasty whores dance! He keeps talking serious with me and saying he wants to be with me and wants me to move some of my stuff into his place! But I don't think I can be in a serious relationship with someone that goes to strip clubs! I already knew he did that when I first met him, but I didn't care because I wasnt looking for a relationship and I was seeing other guys and keeping my options open. But now that it's getting serious and he's talking about offically being a couple, I don't want him to go there. And I know some of you are going to tell me that I should tell him how I feel and that I don't want him to go...But he already knows how I feel about strip clubs....he always tells me I look better than half the girls in there...but if thats so, than why the hell does he even go? He acts like im over reacting and like it's not a big deal. "Its not like Im taking them home with me" he says or "Its just like watching a porno!" And it doesn't help that Im not old enough to go in there and see what it's like and see exactly how bad it is. Also...I dont want to tell him to give it up because I dont want to be that controlling! His friends will make him feel stupid for not going with them anymore and act like Im being ridiculous and controlling him too much and that he needs to do his own thing. Then he will lie and go! I feel really strong about strip clubs and I don't like double standards. I hate how guys can do so much more that girls and get away with it!! I have half a mind to go to a party, pick out the hottest ones with the biggest dicks and have them all give me a lap dance at once and video tape it for him and be like "yeah...i didnt even have to pay for that amazing show" I bet I would get labeled all sorts of names but I think it's completely FAIR. But my point is, he would definitly not like me doing that, just like I dont like him watching girls strip. Im not going to be some peice of ass for him to go screw after watching a bunch of other women! If he can think of other women sexually than I can think of other men sexually! That's how I see it...anyone agree or have a simular issue?...Let me know! (link)
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Notice that a man wrote an answer stating that not only is a man allowed to do whatever he wants, but that it's your fault for not being confident enough. I'm with you (here six years later!), if it's so harmless to just unwind by getting some stranger to grind against you, then you don't mind if I go to the clubs without you to get completely raunchy against all kinds of greasy boners, right? Nothing disrespectful there, of course not! Toodles, dear husband, don't wait up for me tonight.
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