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leeannostroff@gmail.com

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Ohio

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Bachelors in music, music instructor

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29

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October 17, 2005

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June 28, 2016

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Hi my name is Lee Ann. I am 29 years old and Graduated from Bethany college obtaining a bachelors of music. I am a happily married woman with two kids, ages3 and 2. I currently have six books out on the market, all of which can be found on amazon. The first is called The Leaf: One fallen heart and a burning desire, my second is called Avengement of Glory, my third is called Spiral of Enlightenment, fourth one is called Prodigy of the Immortal, fifth one is called Augment in the Realm of Darkness, and my sixth novel is called Bond in the Spiritual Heart. I started this advice column to see if I could give good advice. Turns out I am pretty good, better than I thought actually. I enjoy seeing people smile when I give them good advice and they use it. It makes me feel better as a person to help people. I want to make the world a better place and I think that starting an advice column is the right way to begin. Writing is a huge part of my life, without it, I wouldn't be able to function properly. After seven years, I think I have done pretty well as an advice columnist.

advice

My granny is a really nice lady but I think she's losing it. I told her today that I was having sex with my boyfriend. I just felt like I needed to have one of those conversations with her where I really spilled my guts to her. She told me I should stop doing it right away, obviously...so that I could be a virgin again for my future wedding night!

Now, Granny is up there in age. I told her that once you lose your virginity that it's just gone. She kept saying she didn't believe that and that after not having sex for 10 years straight that you become a virgin again. She says that SHE is a virgin. My grandma had like 14 kids or something incredible so I tried explaining that to her.

Well, I'm kind of curious if she was on to something though. She was very firm in that she is a virgin again now. If you don't have sex for 10 years then are you really a virgin again? Can you just gain your virginity back by being pure again? It's OK if it's not true like I thought but I just need this confirmed.

Some people believe that you can reclaim your virginity and others believe it is complete nonsense. It all really depends on what you believe, some religions believe that if you are cleansed of your sins such as sex before marriage then you can reclaim your virginity and be pure again.

My boyfriend and I have been having sex for the past week. I let him cum inside me every time because of something he told me before. I mentioned this to my friend and she told me that he lied.

If you pee right after you have sex can you still get pregnant? My boyfriend told me that a girl who pees directly after intercourse can NOT get pregnant no matter what because everything is released into the toilet then and is like washed away. It sounded very convincing when he said it but when I was telling my friend it kind of sounded like he was just using me and that I'm stupid. What's the truth?

When he releases the sperm, they race to the egg. If you pee only part of the sperm comes out so you are still able to get pregnant.

This is my first year really tanning and I was talking to my friends about it because some of them have some really nice tans already. I really want to get really tan for school this coming year so I've been tanning every chance I get.

My friends usually know when I'm having my period. I didn't think anything about this but I'm on it right now and I was telling them how I was about to go tanning. My 1 friend is like I can't tan with a tampon on though and I should wait until my period is done. I asked her why and she said that the string of the tampon has been too exposed while in the tanning bed and caught fire on a few people. Obviously I don't want something like that to happen. I do kind of not believe what she is saying is true though because my hair doesn't catch fire when I'm in the tanning bed and it's kind of the same thing, right?

Anybody know? Can you tan in the tanning bed with a tampon in or will it catch fire and burn you?

When you wear a tampon in the tanning bed, it does heat up, but not enough to cause a fire. You may have a tan line down there from the tampon, but nothing drastic that would cause your death will happen. I just wouldn't stay in the tanning to long such as two hours. The most I would do is 30 minutes with a tampon. Tampon and hair are two different things that would have different reactions.

I was at a party about a week ago and we were drinking. It was a fun time and there was this guy that was flirting with me all night. He asked me if I wanted to hookup and I said yes.

We ended up having sex that night. I didn't say no or anything but I WAS DRUNK. He had been drinking too but I don't think he was as drunk as I was.

Is this considered rape? I mean, I was drunk so I wasn't in my sound mind or whatever...

16/f

Now you can fight to prove this was rape but a lawyer is going to look at your thrid sentence and make an argument. "To hookup" means to have sex and you said yes to that. Technically that would be considered giving consent but I would talk to your parents maybe an attorney and see what they think.

16/f
i'm wanting to tan, but i also want to be safe about it and not cause tons of damage to my skin. i've read online that you shouldnt over do it. i used to lay out for about an hour, 30 minutes on each side. is that too much? or should i only tan for about 30 minutes? i never burn. only tan. and of course i tan gradually, and i can tan pretty easily. i use a bronzer, with an spf of 4 on my body, and i use a sunscreen with spf 70 on my face, then every other time i use the bronzer. am i doing okay so far such as damage?

You want to tan at the bare minimum because overdoing can cause things like cancer an dsuch. I would do 15 minutes on each side at least once a week or twice if you really need, but anything more than that would be considered over doing it. The products and amount you are using is good, just the time limit needs adjustments.

sorry again, i guess now im having friend problems with this situation. ive talked to my friends and no im not listening to them just like you said i just feel like giving up though.

like they just keep going on and on how im gonna get hurt and this isnt what he wants but i have faith that this will happen. its just like they dont want me to be happy and he made me so happy.

do i just zone out what they are telling me and not to give up on this?

If they were truly your friends, they would be happy with ever your happy with. Your obviously not happy currently, and they seem to be ok with that. They should be supporting you and trying to help you, and not trying to tear you down. In this situation, you are going to behurt either way, but you don't do anything about it, you are going to unhappy and anger for the rest of your life. If you attempt to get back with him and get hurt, at least then you will be able to have some closure and move on finally. Right now, you are in the zone of infinity unhappiness. The best thing to do is befriend and go from there. If your friends object to that then they have a bigger problem than just you getting hurt. You mentioned some male friends, is it possible they are jealous and don't want to give you up to this guy that you want to be with?

sorry, i didnt mean for you to think im listening to my friend. bt you were right about one thing, my one girlfriend hates him and she was being mean about it. but i didnt ask her for advice. i wouldnt dare. i just asked those two guy friends cause im just so lost.

so i will get hurt anyways.

but how do i show him that i am here for the long run? sorry i ask the same questions over and over im just soo scared im gonna screw up on this. like im trying to be positive because he said he cant find anyone and there was no one else.

i just dont know how to get him interested again. cause you said i should hang with him bt i havent seen him for 2 months and i dont wanna push that on him unless he wants to hang out with me.

so how do i show him by texting him that im here for him? like i know just text casually first bt that is the boring stuff till you make it fun?

Don't even mention your relationship and stuff at first. just spend some time getting to know him again, I know it has only been a few months but he may have changed alot since then. You want to get to know every part of him. If learned what he likes and dislikes, it may be easier for you to start a relationship again. He may want to be single for now, but he won't want that forever and when he figures it out, you will be there. Don't you see the reason why he hasn't found anyone else is because he hasn't found anyone that is you. He is just saying he wants to stay single to avoid revealing how he really feels. I mean let's face it, he is still a typical guy. his friends would probably call him a wuss if he said that he was pining for some girl from the past. Whether his friends are guys or girls, he doesn't want to get into a deep conversation with his friends and be made fun of for his regrets. Just go for it with no regrets. just do it haha! This isn't something that is overly complicated and you are turning nothing into something. Just take a deep breathe and leap. Never wonder, but always know :)

sorry i just keep going and going. but my friend said that since he said he likes being single that he wont want a girl in his life?

like what if he does just want to be single, is sticking my his side going to matter? i mean in the long run, if i stick around and he decides he wants to date then will i be the one he chooses cause i dont wanna get hurt if i stick around and he chooses someone else.

i just want this so bad, i feel like giving up already and im scared. like what will truly get him back?

It would seem you trust your friends advice more than mine. I say I like being single all the time, but I still want a boyfriend. I like the feeling of not being tied down but I also was a companion to keep me company. He may like single but I can guarantee he wants a relationship. I have have hundreds of relationships. I have been through every kind you can think of, but again it obvious my advice is meaningless. No matter what you choose you are going to get hurt, just ask if you want to truly know or just spend your time wondering. Is your friend truly your friend because is she was she would be more concerned about your happiness and doing everything to make you happy. He is obviously what makes you happy and what you want and yet she doesn't want you to go after him. But, you keep going to her by telling her about the advice I give you so theres no point in me saying anything is there? Your friend and I have different ideals and opinions and she will always disagree with me. You either need to trust my judgement with someone who has been there multiple times. I play bass guitar in a band and I am an author. I have had great relationships that just weren't right and others who dated because I was famous. I have seen every angle in relationships..literally. You need to pick one person and stick with them. No more back and forth. I don't mind you asking alot of questions, I think that is great, but you need to decide who you are going with.

sorry i keep going.

im just so scared to text him. like i feel like he hates me and if he likes being single, why would he bother talking to me?

Don't feel like he hates you, if anyone should hate anyone, it should be you hating him. He as the one that said he needed space and in that turn should me you resent him. It is great that you want to pursue a relationship again, he said he just needed space. You gave him that so it is time to take the next step. He only likes being single because he hasn't come across anything better, once he spends time with you and develops a better relationship, that will all change. He will talk to you because he is a nice guy. You need to be bold and leap or you will spend the rest of your life wondering what if.

He told me he's not keen on girls with nerves of steel.
what does that mean?

Nerves of steel is an expression that means someone who is strong willed and cannot be swayed. Basically you think for yourself and if someone tries to convince you to do the wrong thing, you less likely to do it because you have your own thoughts and opinions. Someone who has nerves of steel is very brave and doesn't bother them to do some things. For example, you have nerves of steel to play classical guitar in front of millions of people. You are bold and daring, but do it to your terms and not someone elses. Most guys should like that because it means you are more exciting and spontaneous than most.

lately all i feel i do is make mistakes im never happy.
i dont know who i am. ok that sounds werid but i always try to be someone else. im known to be the happy girl who people get on with, but its not me.
people think im dumb when i know im smart.
and im shy but im known as loud.
i dont know anymore, im not sure who i like cause i feel a pressure to like the RIGHT people.
and pick the RIGHT clothes.
if i change people will call me fake.
and when i am myself i feel fat, ugly and alone.
so do i try to be the person i am (upset, angery all the time)
or someone im not (happy and confident and hide my real thoughts?)
any advice will help
thankyou

A way to find who you really want to be is find a hobby that you love doing. For example, I love to write and play music. I can imagine my characters and make them do what I want to do. My writing reflects my true feelings of my friends and the world in a way that isn't obvious and hurts their feelings and also in a way that is healthy. Although I play bass guitar in a heavy metal band, I still inspire people to do the right thing. Once you have confidence in yourself, others will follow you. If you have confience it will shine and they will notice. A hobby could be from writing stories or poetry, scrapbooking, sports, artwork, cooking, listening to other people and helping them, etc really anything you like to do in your spare time. A specific group likes those who wear what they want to wear, be who they truly want to be, and not care what anyone thinks. You can try a new look that you completely like: dye your hair, get it cut, put different makeup on, change hat you wear but do on your terms and how you want to be. If you want to change yourself then change it not because you want to fit in, but because you truly want to change and feel good about yourself.

so getting to know him again will help us grow and show him that i am here for him and that being single sucks?

im confused on that part i guess.

Ok, when you can't decide on what you like better, you try both right? You have both options and you see which one is better of the two. This is the same thing with his situation. Right now he thinks he likes being single, but when he gets around you and hangs out with you, he will see that a close relationship is more exciting and less lonely than being single. Right now, he is only experiencing being single and likes it because he doesn't have the opportunity or the right person to experience the other. Get to know him, show him that you are here, and he will see that this part of life is something he can't live without.

so then this is what shouldve happened last year when we first started talking? we shouldve taken it slow and got to know each other more?

yes, getting to know one another helps a relationship grow.

sorry this is my last, i promise.

my friend talked to him the other day cause he is mine and his friend and he told him that he is happy being single and not committed.

is talking to him gonna get me anywhere? im sorry about this. i just feel like giving up even though i havent talked to him yet.

he is saying that because he hasn't met anyone worth dating. if you befriend him and spend a little time with him, a moment will come where he feels differently. he needs the opportunity to see that having a special relationship is much better than being single.

this is the last i promise.

all of what im doing should work out to getting him back, right? like i dont want to mess this up with him.

Just be there as a friend at first, let him have control, and move at his pace. You want him to unfold for you on his terms and at his pace. Definitely keep communication open, and constantly ask how he is doing. It's kind of like you are married, put the other person before yourself. I know you want this to work, the first step is making contact and becoming friends. Stay in the friend zone until he wants to be more. He needs to be able to open up to you as a friend then he will be able to move onto dating and etc.

waiting a month is a good thing, right? like i told him i would give him some space cause i didnt think we could talk right away. i was gonna give him a couple of weeks and just try to talk to him?

and another question, it should be my last. how many times a week should i talk to him? i dont wanna be obsessive or bother him cause that could get annoying.

Yeah, a month is enough space time. I would text every three days. You talk to him one, then give him a little break in between. After a couple has passed then you can increase how frequently you talk to him like talking to him every other day.

so then starting over is key for us. and sorry im over thinking everything i just dont wanna screw this up. im happy to become his friends again because i miss that out of anything.

but like when i first text him cause it will be about a month. is saying like hey its (my name). whats up? i thought that would be a good start.

im not getting mad at all. I think your text is perfect, short and too the point. You are more concerned about him so thats a great start :D

I NEED HELP! my whole family has been depressed (long story) and my sister is 16 and smokes. which is illegle in my state. ia m rly worried about her. she thiks she is the only one who is depressed, but rly i feel the same way. what should i do to help keep off the ciggis?

You want to spend as much time as you can with her. Find something in common you can do toegther to keep your minds off the depression and her addiction. If she is too addicted find something healthy that can replace her addiction.

so we need to start fresh? and how do i even do that?

just forget everything that went on with us. i cant bring up some happy memories if it comes to me.

Don't compare your new relationship to your last. Memories of happiness of when you were laughing is ok, but bringing up things that could lead to the unpleasantness of things might not be a good idea. Start over with him like you just met, warm fuzzy feelings, and just getting to know one another again. Chances are he might not be the same person he once was.

so then friends is what we should start off with. im not aloud to flirt or anything? like i said my friend said i should start off like how we did last year but take it slower?

i think that we lacked in communication and thats something we need to build on.

Ok, lets take your friends advice for a moment. Let's say that breaking up was the worst day of his life, he is miserable, sad, and depressed. Now you guys become friends and you bring up "what was", "what should have happened", or "What you guys need to do". This will automatically bring him to the worst moment in his life and the biggest mistake he ever made. Do you want to create new, healthy feelings or make him miserable by bringing up something that should have been forgotten. I realize you can never forget but maybe it is best to build a new, clean relationship without living in the past.

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