I aim to give you solid advice on your problems. I don't sugarcoat things and I'm always straight up. Don't come asking for what you want to hear as I always give the truth even if you don't want it because it's what you need and the only way to grow.
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Member Since: December 31, 2006
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Last Update: August 30, 2022
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How to get a Victoria Secret Angel body (link)
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Let's be brutally honest. Most of the models you see for Victoria's Secret or anywhere else have photos that have been heavily photoshopped in some cases to make them look a certain way. Secondly, you have to look at whether or not the models did anything dangerous with eating habits or disorders to maintain that physical image.
Anyone can become healthy and feel great and have the right BMI. It's about exercising and eating healthy which anyone can do. You need to talk to your doctor about where you should be with height, weight, exercise, diet and overall health.
No matter your size you need to know that you have a perfect body already and accept yourself and be comfortable in your own skin. Striving to look like someone else or doing things that could potentially harm your health to achieve it is wrong.
Also, height and weight provided you are eating right has a TON to do with your DNA and heredity. Odds are if your parents are built a certain way and have the same height and BMI you'll fall in line that way too.
Above all embrace who you are and realize that getting the kind of body you see depicted in magazines, ads or for undergarments or modelling clothes is next to impossible to live up to and do healthily. A lot of the models have eating problems, different metabolisms and are heavily brushed up in photoshop to look like a million bucks with any perceived imperfection adjustment and waistline fixed up.
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I already told my best friend and my sister about it , but when I blocked the number it deleted my texts. (link)
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Good. It's a good idea to have them saved and backed up along with screenshots incase harassed or they have content that they shouldn't. You can prove if you ever need to that way if he's crossed the line or continues to bother you to police etc.
It probably wouldn't ever get to that but if someone is doing something sketchy or making you feel weird or uncomfortable always cut off contact, save the texts and tell other people. Be cautious from hereon out about meeting people online. I feel this was a sign or lesson for you on being secure and guarded. You never know who any of these people are and have to be very careful.
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So my boyfriend keeps getting picked up from school by his parents
He text me the other day saying that it was all his mum's fault
I asked why
He said that he was gonna do something
Without thinking I asked what
He said he was gonna kiss me
I don't know what to say!
Did he really mean it?
Was he saying that he was gonna do it but he actually wont?
I'M JUST REALLY FLUMMOXED (confused)š
Pls can you help!!!
(link)
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Probably will but when you're both alone and not with other people and parents around. I would tell him you are fine with it but when he feels comfortable to do so. Believe me he's being honest but nervous and cautious. There's nothing to be confused with he's just unsure of himself and isn't sure about the when, the where and if it's what you want to happen either. Talk to him. That will clear it all up.
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I am 32 year old female and I have been talking to this guy I met online for about a week now so today his supposed girlfriend texts me from his phone and says this is Justin's girlfriend. I responded back and said I am sorry I didn't know he had a girlfriend and said it wouldn't happen again and I blocked the number. Did i do the right thing? (link)
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Yes. You have to use caution with people you meet online because they may not tell the truth and could be cheating, married or someone in general you shouldn't be involved with. Blocking the number and moving on was the safe way to handle it. Telling someone else about it is the second thing you should do especially if anyone tries to harass you which I doubt would happen. Keep the texts archived or screenshots for that reason.
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Due to pain in my side, I am scheduled for a colonoscopy in a few days from now. Because this is a medical procedure where anesthesia is used, the hospital requires that I have an escort (PLATONIC. Don't get the wrong idea!) to make sure that I get home after it's all done. (S/He doesn't necessarily have to drive if I'm awake enough.) I do not know all the details but apparently it's a legal matter for the hospital...the escorting person may or may not have to sign a form. An Uber driver or cab driver does not qualify; this has to be someone I know. The problem is this: I don't know anyone in my area nearly well enough.
My basic character (& certain previous experiences) has led me to a mostly solitary life. I don't need or want lots of company around, etc. The drawback is in situations like this, I have no one to ask. I have very few friends & none of them are particularly close.
This procedure is scheduled for the 7th of next month. Right now it's June 26th. I could reschedule the procedure but gut conditions can be serious, so I do not want to put it off. How do I find someone who can or will do this? (link)
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Don't reschedule I REPEAT DON'T RESCHEDULE. If you do you're screwed for an indefinite amount of time and perhaps a year even because of COVID backup and these procedures up until now being cancelled.
Do you not have a parent, aunt or uncle you could ask? If not have the procedure done anyway. All they will make you do is wait a few hours or perhaps 24 which isn't so bad there until they know you can drive yourself home and or leave.
All they will do is keep you there until it's safe for you to leave which won't be that long. They just can't immediately let you leave because you're still doped up and considered intoxicated if you drove.
What you need todo is contact the doctor who will be doing this. Tell them that you don't have anyone at all who can take you home after. Ask them if they can arrange for someone to drop you off at home so you are safe. They may be able to arrange this if you just ask.
You are having this done for a reason and likely a very good one that would only get worse if you put it off. There's a way of getting around the issue of not having a ride. They can help you get one or at the very worst they can keep you in and wait for the drugs to wear off and until they are confident you can drive home. You may wait extra time but it's no big deal. They tend to release people on their own fairly easily.
You likely aren't the only person in this position and they no doubt deal with this all the time and have a plan for those unable to leave on their own or with anyone. I would call the specialist who is in charge and tell them this and see what they can arrange for you. Don't cancel. It's HUGE mistake if you do that. You'll be at the back of the list of people waiting since COVID-19 began that way.
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I have this one friend who's life is pretty bad. She has a lot of trauma and mental issues, and abusive parents. When it comes to those issues, I'm very supportive and it never bothers me when she confides in me or anything, because I don't have the best relationship with my mother either, and I get it. However, she's also extremely insecure, and I know it's because of her anxiety, but she's just constantly texting about how she feels so ugly and how insecure she's about certain parts of herself. And of course, every time, our friends and I rush to assure her, telling her she's beautiful and she has nothing to worry about. She is a larger girl and I understand somewhat, because of course, I also have insecurities about myself. But my friend group and I have made it very clear that we don't care about things like weight and we think she's gorgeous no matter what. And at this point it feels like the constant self-deprecation is just her fishing for compliments, even though I know that's probably not true, it just gets on my nerves after a while. How can I deal with this without hurting her feelings? Am I being insensitive by getting irritated by it? (link)
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Getting constant reaffirming of who she really is is therapeutic for her and an assurance that people actually like her and see her for who she is. Because of the abuse, mental health issues and trauma she needs more than other people to hear it all the time because she doesn't believe it herself.
I think understanding and tact have to come into play here. I would start by telling her that none of you have nor will you lie to her about what you truly think and feel about her and that you will always include her.
After establishing that tell her that it makes everyone upset and sad for her when she doesn't believe in herself and voices it repeatedly because you all feel bad and really can't do much to help beyond that.
The self deprecation and constant yearning to hear something good about herself from people over and over is comforting and a defence mechanism for her to be able to counter the negative thoughts she has about herself.
I think I would talk to her about this and how it makes people feel sad and that you would like her to find a counsellor or someone she could talk to or a teacher or adult capable to dealing with anxiety and feelings.
Tell her you want to remain friends with her as do your group of friends but that it bothers them and you to get texts all the time about her feeling this way and that you can't do much more than you have to let her know this isn't true. Ask her tactfully to stop because it can affect what others think and friendships with people.
What she really needs is a professional to help her deal with anxiety, trauma, feelings she has, insecurity etc because that's what she needs and her friends can't provide. Unless she has that she will flounder and it will affect every relationship she has. You have to be understanding a bit more patient if she vents.
If she says something negative about herself in a text don't respond to them. Only respond to ones when she's not doing that as it will reinforce what you've said that you and your friends can be friends with her but can't help her deal with this and that it hurts to constantly hear something about herself that everyone has reinforced multiple times isn't true. Maybe that will have her back off a bit.
She's not doing this to seek attention but rather validation of what she doesn't believe about herself that others see in her as a coping mechanism and ability to feel good when she's feeling down on herself. I think you need to see that and talk to your friends about it and see what you can do to be friends with her but not let her get to this place with you.
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Hi and thanks for reading my post.I am 45 years old,healthy and fit.I sport regularly. My resting bp is usually around 112/72 and my resting heart rate about 60 (laying down in bed and relaxing,meditating).I noticed that if I don't sleep enough in the night,the next day my heart rate is about 50 and bp 100/62.So instead of having a higher bp due to lack of sleep,i am getting a lower one.Any advice,please?Many thanks in advance and stay healthy. (link)
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See your doctor and mention you are concerned over this. They are the only person who can tell you what this means to your health. We're not medical professionals and can't make a guess. You need answers and it has to be from a professional.
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My little sister (11-14 yo) is going through something, and I have been trying to help as much as I can. Recently, she told me something about herself (that she has a type of mental illness; it's self-diagnosed) and I'm having a hard time believing it.
The reason for that is because throughout her whole life, she liked to pretend to be someone/something else (she would copy what she sees/reads/hears about), so when I realized that she only started showing signs of the mental illness after she had read something about it, I had started having doubts.
I have talked to her about it, and I am trying to be supportive and keep an open mind, but I honestly don't know what to do. This is way bigger than anything else, and if this is true and for real, how can I tell and how can I help? Should I do what I normally do and take her word for it? Or should I do something else? What can I do to help her?
-Mia, age 16 (link)
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Start by believing her and taking seriously what she is telling you. She knows herself and when something is way off. Does it mean she is mentally ill? We don't know unless someone accesses her preferably a psychiatrist but usually a GP first and listens to concerns and figures out if she needs to be treated for something or if there is anything to it.
I would get her to go to the doctor and talk about this openly and in great honesty and see what they say and how they can help her out. Take her word for it. It's better for her and you to be wrong than to be sorry later for not acting to figure out what is going on.
Your parents need to take her seriously too until such times that a doctor is consulted and helps her with this. Clearly mental illness or not she's feeling something that is deeply upsetting her and it needs to all come out in that forum. It's a real thing for her. She's scared perhaps rightly so and wants and needs help. Advocate for her and be sure your family looks into it pronto.
The last thing you want to do is ignore it incase it is the start of an episode of a mental health issue ie bipolar, schizophrenia etc etc. It has to be looked into.
If your parents won't take her to see a doctor you should step up to the plate and take her. If you feel she may be in crisis and think it's warranted an ER visit will put her in a hospital's system and if she has an issue they can hold her for 72hrs to evaluate or not at all if the on call psychiatrists don't think what she's going through is due to mental health.
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When I was 16, I met E. E was around 24 when I met him. E was my coworker at the time, and we seemed to hit it off. We became very good friends. We would joke around with each other a lot, and a bunch of that joking was inappropriate jokes. I didn't think too much of it at the time since my humor was a bit immatur too. We would send each other porn as well. At first, it was just funny stuff that neither of us found arousing, but then it got to actual stuff that we both liked. At this time, I knew he had a gf. I also had a little crush in him at the time, bit it does pretty fast after I found that out, and was happy just being friends.
Fast forward to age 17. He invites me over to his house for the first time, and we decide to play truth or dare. That's when everything started to get out of control. It ended with me and him almost nude and masturbating in front of each other. After a few minutes of that, I have a panic attack and start crying. He ends things and tries to reassure me that it's okay since him and his gf have a look no touch policy.
Again, fast forward to 18. At 18, a bunch of things happen. We take it to the next level, and we have full on intercourse, as well as other explicit things. I start to really catch feels for him. I confess to him, and he says he doesn't feel that same. He tells me that he only used the sex as stress relief. I was crushed, but I kept doing things with him. I knew it was wrong, I knew I was helping him cheat, but this was the closest I would get to a relationship with him, and I took it. I've had a few fights with him, telling him all the things he made me feel, and it's always gone back to us having sex and making up. I even tried cutting him out of my life entirely, but I'm too attached, and only lasted two days before I had to text him. His gf knows of the truth or dare incident and sex we had when they were on a break, but that's it. She doesn't know about everything else that's been happening.
He's planning on proposing to his gf, and I'm absolutely devastated. I've grown really attached, and I think I love him. Right after he told me he's planning on proposing, he sent me more porn. I was telling a friend about this, and she thinks I've been groomed. I've thought about it, but I'm not sure. I let him do all these things, and even initiated some of them. We didn't have full out sex until 18, so it was completely legal. It's just such a confusing situation, and I'm not sure what to think. I'm a female, and E is a male btw.
(link)
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It's not your fault but you have come to the conclusion and it's the right one btw that he's been using you all along and cheating and it doesn't feel right to you and feels wrong. It's your gut telling you that you have to move on here. Trust that voice in your head it's never wrong and why it's on endless repeat in your head. It's asking you to act.
I know you feel gutted and have a ton of feelings and real attraction and perhaps love for him and those feelings are natural and valid but unfortunately you were blinded (again not your fault) to the truth and or weren't ready to believe your suspicion was right but were gradually coming around to it. That's maturity and courage.
You do have to leave him and cut him off abruptly and not go back. I do indeed think he was grooming and playing with your emotions and self-image issues.
I think you should get the support of parents or adult you really trust and divulge all of this to them and get their help to cut off contact and stay away and out completely. I also think you would benefit from a counsellor or therapist to work through all the issues you are feeling and with help to completely walk away.
I think that you feel a ton of guilt over this when you shouldn't and should know it's not your fault and that you have reached a mature conclusion and have to move away from something very toxic.
When it comes to the person he's proposing to or will be I think she's just as groomed and feeling as trapped as you have been. Hopefully she will realize the same conclusion you came to. You need to be out of her life too for this to succeed. It will be tough but you took the first strong and courageous step by writing out what you truly feel and know is right with this question. You just needed that added confirmation and a little push in the right direction. It will be okay. Stay well. You're doing the best thing you could possibly do for yourself.
Have your friends know about this and have them be your rock and help you through. That's the best way to succeed by building up your support network and defence to keep out of the situation and move forward and on as you should do.
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Hi :) 22/F
I have a dilemma. My toddler is two and I want a baby really bad. My boyfriend (Best friend for 3 years - dating for 4 months) is not really keen on it at this very moment. My mom won't be happy at all, but it is all I can think about. How do I get rid of the feeling?
ps. I do not have any friends with babies (or who I can baby sit) and I've also tried to get a puppy or kitten but there is non available at the moment.
Please help me... (link)
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I think it's too early because you have only been in a committed relationship together for 4 months. That's likely what is troubling him and thinking things could happen too early in the relationship and wants to be secure with you and know it's the right time to consider it again. He didn't say no to you which is good but he did say not at this moment. That's a positive thing because he may eventually.
If the toddler isn't his and he's never been a father maybe he's not keen because he feels he's not ready to offer a child all he/she needs or be a good parent. Perhaps he doubts himself and certainly not you considering how long he has been in your life.
I know that you really want another child but if you make sure you have the finances and proper environment and established relationship that it would be better then.
I don't think you need to get "rid" of the feeling you want a baby but rather realize that when it's right it's likely to happen and something you need to keep discussing and feeling 100% on the same page about. It's a huge commitment and life changing one. Keep the dialogue open.
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So my boyfriend hugged me today for the first time, twice!! One was a dare and the other was normal. When he did it for the dare, did he do it just for it, or he did it because he loves me??
(link)
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If he likes you he really shouldn't have had to be dared by anyone but then again he could be really shy and egged on to do it finally. I think the best idea is to talk about it and find out what he thought in the moment. When he did it for the second time and there was nothing forced about it and on his own I think it was genuine.
Teenage boys (I was one) are weird and awkward, most of them around girls they are really into. I think you have to take the lead here and tell him to relax and that you aren't going anywhere. I think that's where you both need to start. Admit you like one another and chill out and let stuff unfold naturally.
I think the hardest thing for teenage guys and girls is that first hug or kiss but it will come when it does and will feel like relief. I think all you both need to do is be honest with one another about your feelings because I would bet they are 100% in line and he's afraid of the same stuff you are and feeling awkward. Things should go really smoothly after you talk to each other.
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How do I look big and strong and like an "adult"? Basically I'm going to be a 16 year old boy..I'm thin and have acne..how do I get rid of acne,and gain weight and grow even more taller? Because if I eat fatty foods (to grow big and tall and strong), I'll get acne..and vice versa..I'm really stuck on what I should do..im eating a decent amount of food...I'm washing my face twice a day,and I'm putting some acne medicines) Should I switch to a specific medicine? Should I do some specific workout exercises? Should I eat something specific? Or will my acne go away in some time(if yes,when?) and when will I gain weight and height? ( if yes,when?) And at what age will I start to look like an "adult"? (link)
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All great questions. When it comes to acne anything you see advertised on TV or over the counter really doesn't cut it and can usually only handle minor issues. If you really want to get rid of acne or have some level of control over it you need a prescription cream. Over the counter stuff doesn't have the medicinal ingredients of a prescription which is what you need here.
It will eat at the acne and free your pores of what causes it. In addition you still have to keep up with washing your face. You can make an appointment with your GP. They usually have samples of different acne meds they can give you. It really helped me when I was your age.
EDIT: YMCA and community gyms owned by cities are coming back online gradually as people are vaccinated for COVID-19 and enough fully. You may have to wait a bit but once you can get into those places you should by all means do it. It makes a ton of difference.
Avoid fast food and have it as an occasional thing (I know I'm bad with it too) as that can cause a ton of problems and with weight and health in general if you consume it a lot. Eat as healthy as you can and make good choices. It will help all around with physical appearance and body. You have to have your body and mind healthy and working in synch.
When it comes to height it really has a ton to do with heredity and genes. If your parents are tall and or shorter for that matter odds are when fully grown you will have a similar stature as they do. You're still growing so don't fret. At 16 you are still in stages of puberty and not a full adult yet.
Weight is controlled by exercising regularly and eating and drinking the right things such as water and cut out the pop. Juice is actually pretty bad if you drink a lot of it so said a nutritionist I saw a few years back. Drink tons of water.
If you want to become stronger you might start off lifting weights. One of the best things you can do is find a YMCA location in your town or city. They have memberships for families, teens and adults and if you can't afford the fees they have payment plans that work. It's usually about $50 a month here for adult one. You'll get access to a swimming pool, track, weight rooms and organized classes in anything from karate, kung fu, cycling etc etc that you can access as part of said membership. You can cancel easily any time and it's not a contract. Avoid at all costs any gym with a contract that you cannot get out of.
A lot of cities have community centers that they own where they have pools, weights and exercise options including team sports for a reasonable monthly fee without an iron clad contract or anything of the sort. Check those out too.
Also, walk every single day. It doesn't have to be this huge, long walk but if you can walk to and from places or around your neighborhood constantly it will make a huge difference over time in physical appearance and strength. It's all good. Don't fret.
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I turned 16 a few months ago, and even before then I have obsessed over the moment when I could start looking for a job. Iāve had a few that Iāve considered since then but now that I can actually start applying I canāt seem to figure out which ones I have an actual shot at. I say this because Iāve only considered jobs that arenāt in my small town, this is a slight problem for me because the one person that I recently started to believe I will I have to depend on for transportation seems to expect me to only consider jobs in my small town. These job options are very limited, some most likely donāt have good pay, flexible hours, donāt hire people my age and or I wouldnāt be comfortable in the work environment(I get anxiety and donāt want to choose a work option just because itās convenient). As a result, I feel stagnant and stuck because I feel like I canāt venture out to the options that I am most comfortable with pursuing, and I feel held back because the person that I would look to for transportation also hasnāt looked at job opportunities outside of our small town when they easily could because they have the transportation while I donātš. What should I do? (link)
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You can't rely on someone else for transportation as there will be times when they aren't available or screw something up especially if their schedule conflicts with the shifts you would be doing. The temptation is to look for jobs you like that appear to be outside where you are living but if you accepted one you would have a lot of problems.
Think also about winter months. If your friend suddenly decided not to drive you or help you get to work anymore you would be absolutely screwed with public transportation being a nightmare when it snows.
I think what you need to do first is figure out the anxiety issues you have and the root cause of them by talking to a doctor and getting feedback on things you can do that you may not have known about to get the upper hand and control of it gradually. That I think is the real job you should take.
I think that an actual job itself is a good idea but let it come to you and be patient and let it unfold rather than push for it. Anything that a person has to push for always backfires against them. It's almost like a science that way.
Keep researching, keep looking but stay in your area. With COVID and vaccines now allowing people to work again there is an actual shortage of people who want to work in fast-food, movie theaters, other venues or even in public. There's a lot of places that need people and can't get them. There will be a lot of things opening up and it's good to be patient right now. It will work out. It's better to be in your rightful place than not.
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Recently, I overheard my parents talking about saving money for me and my brothers college tuitions, and about how we should stop spending money on unnecessary things like clothing, and entertainment (amusement parks, going to the swimming pool, etc.). During this summer break, I got to see all my friends go on expensive vacations, while Iām not going anywhere. Also, Iāve been asking my mom for a very long time if she can please buy me some new clothes for the summer, like shorts and tank tops. And I also need new strings for my violin, which can also be expensive. I donāt know what to do, so please help! (link)
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I think they NEED not want to save money and likely have financial issues that you aren't clued in on or they have downplayed towards you. College education(s) are vital and the right thing for them to save for.
You don't need the latest fashions or certain clothing and will do alright with what can be afforded or even make your own outfits with stuff you can get at a thrift store and look trendy with a little creativity or work with what they are able to give you.
Entertainment and a social life is vital but not their responsibility to provide to you now that you are a teenager. The best way to get violin strings, money for amusement parks, swimming etc is to save whatever money you have and make a budget with that each month.
You're going to need to find a part time job that would cater to your age group and make some money for yourself. Right now there is a shortage of workers due to COVID in fast-food especially, movie theaters and restaurants coming back online. You may have your pick of jobs. I suggest starting to research and find out about what's available and the right fit for you. This would give you everything you need without mom and dad not able to provide it.
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20/M
I'm a pretty social person. In the sens I feel comfortable with people and with large groups.
However something frets me a bit. I don't like going out. Oftentime when I go out I'm just thinking how much I'd like to be home where I do everything I want to and daydream as much as I want.
And this is pretty confusing because this is not by spending your days home you live life right ? You end up getting stuck in a rut maybe ?
And I've been trying to force myself to stay a bit longer each time. But I generally end up feeling burned out even more. And just like I don't fit in and that it's just not for me. From the outside nobody sees that of course but this can be pretty draining.
Do you think I should try even harder and that there is some kind of breaking point I'm gonna pass ? Or should I do how I feel and stop trying so hard ?
English is not my first langage btw sry if there are some mistakes
(link)
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This sounds like an anxiety problem and perhaps agoraphobia. That's the fear of people, crowds or situations in which you feel difficulty or no control over or how to leave. You'll often never leave the house because of it. That may be your issue and has only recently cropped up.
What you need to do now is see your doctor. Describe to them what you did here and see what ideas and solutions they come up with. This isn't normal behaviour and cause for some concern and to be looked out.
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He'll ooo!!
My names Amy I'm 12 years old and I thought I had just ended my period yesterday so today I tried fingering myself and I went to the restroom to use the bathroom and wash my hand but while using the bathroom I started bleeding is that normal or was i still on my period? I need an answer! (link)
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Like the columnist below me mentioned this is likely something not to worry about and was not caused by you masturbating. There's no bleeding or physical harm that comes from doing that. It likely was as you suspect still your period. I wouldn't worry at all because you certainly haven't caused any injury to yourself. It's something you can really relax over.
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Someone told me: āSome things come to you easier than they come to others...and few will fully understand this without judgment/jealousy/envy.ā What do they mean by this? Why would a person think that things come easily for me? (link)
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When a person has a ton of success and it keeps going well for them those who don't have that luck may say "some things come easier for you than they do for others." The thing is that they may not see the work you did to get there. What they are saying is that people around you can't interpret or know how you got that level of success for yourself and don't see the work that went into it.
They probably tried to accomplish the same exact things you did but didn't meet with success. That's what the person meant by it. They were right about jealousy, judging and envy because a lot of people have that towards someone who is very successful because they don't get that if they worked as hard as you did that they would be there too. It's easier for them to be jealous, have envy or judge you differently for it.
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17/F here. Earlier this year, I finally stood up to this girl who'd been bullying me ever since we were freshmen. We were at school, in the hallway on the second floor. She was mocking me when I finally lost it and did what I'd been dreaming of doing for awhile now. I hauled off and punched her in the face. She went reeling back towards the stairs, fell down them, and broke her arm in the fall to the landing below.
I was expelled and had to finish out the school year at a private school that was willing to take me in the middle of a semester. I was also arrested and charged with assault. My parents have hired me a lawyer and he's managed to work out a deal that'll have me serving a month in juvie.
Court is now a week away and I ought to be scared about being locked up. But my guilt outweighs my fear. I have never felt this guilty in my entire life. I never meant to hurt her that badly. I just wanted to be left alone. My friends all say I shouldn't feel bad for her and that I'm getting a raw deal here. Am I? I don't know. I just wish I knew what to do with all this guilt because I have to live with what I've done and I don't know how. (link)
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I can understand an assault charge but not being locked up in juvie. That's a bit extreme for punching someone who was bullying you. You wouldn't be here if it were in self defence. I don't think you should feel guilty either based on how much abuse you took for years.
I think your lawyer needs to find someone who knows you very well and has documented the bullying and can prove it for you such as a teacher, counselor or whomever you have told about it in the past. They can sway the judge so he knows this was isolated and the exact reason it happened.
It needs to be explained what culminated this and that you had no intention of knocking anyone down a flight of stairs making them fall on a landing and to break their bones. In the moment you felt pressure and reacted in a way you shouldn't over pent up anger.
Declaring the truth when you speak in court and owning up to it and the reasons it happened and that you feel badly for the other person and know hitting someone wasn't the right thing to do nor did you intend for this to occur might make them reconsider the sentence.
I'm not sure why your lawyer had to broker a deal either and what they originally wanted you to serve. He/she is your ally and the one who understands your situation best so you need the truth and the guilt to come out to him so he can defend you.
It sounds as though he has your best interest if he worked out something far less severe and it's only 1 month (31 days) in a facility. I would take ownership of what happened and be a model citizen there and put this behind you. If the judge sees that you have learned from this that's important. Feeling empathy for the other person despite the bullying for what she went through is key. Guilt isn't a bad feeling if it makes you genuinely sorry for what you did and to change.
Did you get a raw deal here? I'm not sure because the judge probably wanted a heftier sentence and your lawyer got it reduced. That's not a raw deal. It's actually one that benefits you long term.
Where you did suffer is that you did this after being bullied for ages but chose to hit her without being hit first or to do so in self defence. It's bad that all the blame is now on you and this person behaved the way they did but yes causing the injuries and what happened is on you ultimately. That's the raw deal if there is one that you paid for what she started long ago by hitting her and causing what occurred.
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I'm a good person with a big heart, a free spirit and I'm beautiful but never thought so in the past.. I've had an inferiority complex most of my life. I'm very independent, a trend setter and never acted my age. All throughout my life I've been spoken to and/or treated mean and I'm a sensitive, cry at the drop of a pin girl. Why do people do that? (link)
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Trauma. If people have continually treated you in the manner that you mention and you internalize it and place blame on yourself rather than others for it that will eat at you until you counter it by knowing who you are inside. You can't define yourself by what others may say.
They're projecting who they are on to you. What they have done says way more about where they are at and what they're about than you. You don't have to take crap from anyone and need to start pushing back.
I think that you cry as a release and only ability to get this stuff out. That's natural but doing it all the time at the drop of a hat isn't. I think you would benefit from talking to a professional who can help you learn ways to deal with this and move forward.
You need to see yourself as you really are and not from looking through a dirty window. Picture your student ID card or a driver's license. If the picture gets a smudge on it or gets something like mud on it and covered does that picture of the real you not exist anymore?
You're letting the real you take a backseat to all this muck that has been thrown on you. Just like the driver's license it can't hurt you if you know what the real you is all about and looks like. You are beautiful and always have been, your big heart, free spirit, independence, trend setting etc etc. is who you really are. Realize that and nothing can stop you.
The other thing you have going for you is that you are an intellectual and well, most teens aren't. You're very smart and that's why you identify more with people who are older. You should do fine in college.
I think what you really need is a professional who can help you work through all of this and deal with the inferiority you constantly feel and give you the tools you need to combat that and have a thicker skin in the end that nobody can say or do anything to tear you down. If you have that outlet and the ability to purge this stuff from your thinking you'll be fine.
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28/f, 32/M
My boyfriend has a dog and like other dogs, sheās afraid of fireworks. She would have panic attacks and sit at your head for 30 minutes. Fireworks has been happening in his neighborhood everyday since Iāve met him and based on my past experiences with other dogs and have taken care of other dogs myself, I said āhave you thought about those thunder vests? Iāve heard great things about them. You should give it a try.ā And heās said, āmaybe.ā When I stayed at his house for a month, even his mom said that when his dog freaks out about fireworks, putting pressure on her helps significantly. So I told him once again to look into it. And even after I left (itās long distance relationship), I kept watching her have anxiety attacks on FaceTime and I started bringing it up more frequently and he told me because I keep pushing it on him which is why he keeps shutting it down and he doesnāt like it when people tell him how to take care of his dog and he doesnāt think itāll work. And I was like ā??? I keep bringing it up because your dog is having panic attacks. And how would you know it wouldnāt work unless you try it? You can always just try it and then return it. And yeah it might be a hassle to put it on her but you do what you need to do to keep your dog comfortable. And I would back off if you have logical reasonings to why you donāt want to try it like if youāve tried it before, but instead you just say you donāt THINK itāll work. And I feel like thatās not a good enough reason.ā And he said āwell I think Iām doing a great job with her.ā I responded āyou are doing a great job with zoey but I just think if you could find a solution to her panic attacks, wouldnāt you want to at least try out your options??ā He rolled his eyes, looked annoyed, and said heāll buy the vest tomorrow and her a dog bed (this is a different issue. I said having her own space and her own bed would help with separation anxiety).
I donāt know why but the fact that I had to bring it up for over a month just to get her a thunder vest or a pressure vest seems like a red flag to me?? Like itās a predictor to his behavior in the future? Iām not 100% sure why. Or am I just overreacting or overthinking the situation. And did I even have the right to even mention anything about his dog? (link)
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I hate to be the person who breaks this news to you but if he cannot treat his dog properly and try to do something about this you can bet you'll be treated in the same manner. He sounds like a jerk that you may want to reconsider being with.
If he doesn't take what you say seriously about this he won't over other concerns that could be greater down the road. It should really give you pause and make you think.
I ain't buying that he can't do anything to fix this. The first thing I would do is place a call to the non emergency number for the local police department. Tell them that you are hearing what sounds like fireworks every single night in your area and you aren't sure what these loud bangs are.
Have them check it out especially if you know who is setting them off, the time and other info. They can figure this out. That would be the responsible thing to do.
If it's fireworks there are laws about not setting them off when it isn't a holiday and also rules about when, how and where that are being broken. They have to rule out gun shots (not likely don't freak out) or another source of the loud bangs that aren't fireworks and perhaps deal with that.
As far as the dogs go for right now try to move them to a room farthest away from the noise you hear and comfort them. Another thing that works is putting the TV volume on high enough to drown out the noise because they're used to the TV and how it sounds. Your boyfriend needs to have more empathy.
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