LAUGHINGMYASSOFF's advice column

I'm never really sure what to say to the question "I love your shoes! Where did you get them?" or any other clothing item because I really don't want to say anything to incriminate me. The popular kids will laugh if you answer anything like "target", "payless shoe store", or some other department store, and the kids that I'm friends with call me stupid if I tell them that I bought them at Hollister. What is a generic answer that I can say that will satisfy everyone?

fuck the popular kids... theyre losers... if you can get good stuff for cheap... for power to ya....who gives a shit what the popular kids think... we all kno that theyll end up working at a gas station ( haha ) dont worry ull be able to afford it when you rule the world :-D

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does anyone no a self tanner that goes on really smoothley without streaking...because im so pale!

i think self tanner is NASTY!! thats just my opinion... being pale as shit is AWSOME AS SHIT!! ( even though im like really tan).... but being pale is only cool if you have brown/black/blue/green/purle(ect.)/red hair... if you have blonde hair your pretty much screwed... you could go for the sun burned till you peel look if your blonde :-)... but if you have any other color hair you could look like a sexy dracula ( im not even messing with you... i think thats awsome)

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ok well i really want my hair chemically straighted but all ym friends say it is really really bad for you. i kno its kinda true but i hate my hair! like whatever i do it wont get straight. becasue i have really wavy hair its not curly its just like wavy and i hate it! i have a really good straigtner but it still dosnt get my hair straight. so i was wondering how chemically straigtning works.

like how much does it cost?
will it hurt?
how long will it last?
and like other things like that so help me please and thankyou!!

get it straightend anyways... screw ur friends :-)

i dont really know how much it costs but im guessing like 40 or 100 bucks

it may burn off ur scalp

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O.K. Last year, my dad bought me cable T.V in my room. I had like... five porn channels. One night, a movie was on and it was rated, "ADULT" and I didn't bother changing it. I went over to my best friend's house and we played around in bed a little, we called it practice for the real thing. We just touched each other. (we are both girls) but we called it "Practice" when in front of her parents. We said stuff like, "let's go practice." and then, she'd wink at me. The thing is, we're not lesbians. We just practice before we get to guys. I'm not a lesbian... or am I? I'm not bi because that was last year and I don't do it anymore. What's wrong with me???
Signed,
Me

if you dont do it anymore it doesnt matter... but if u liked it ur prolly bi

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Okay so... I'm trying to watch a movie. I insert the tape into the VCR, make sure power is ON.. and press PLAY. According to the VCR.. the tape is playing. HOWEVER, I don't see the movie on ANY channel. Not Ch. 1, not Ch. 2, not Ch. 3, not Ch. Video, not Ch. "FRNT", and there isn't a Ch. 4. AHH!! WHY!? What is wrong? Any ideas? When the VCR is powered ON.. ALLLLLL of the channels have a black screen and say "Unusable Signal". Then once I turn the VCR OFF.. that message and goes away and it is back to normal. I don't have Satellite, so I don't understand the "Unusuable Signal" part. Can anyone help me, or at least point me in the right direction?

u are ffing sped u need help

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ok i asked if your ovaries, kidneys, or your appendix could get damaged from something going up your vagina. My back has been hurting (where my kidneys are) but sometimes it hurts in the front of my body. I should be having my period pretty soon, so that could be a cause. but, since my kidneys are hurting and they both started hurting at the same time im thinking this is connected. but anyways, do you think its my kidneys that are causing this pain? or do you think its from damage to my ovaries? could it be both? what would cause my kidneys to get hurt or infected? can they fix themselves? i really dont want to go to the doctor and get surgery or anything. i also have a red spot on my left side where it has been hurting. its kind of a bump and its in the same place where my kidney is hurting. its not just the bump that hurts, because i can feel the pain inside of me (my kidney) is this swelling up from my kidney or something? put your hands on your waist like you would normally and where you hands are in those places thats where it hurts. from the back of your hand to the front. please help. thanks :o)

you know what could have helped... not sticking stuff up your vagina...but shit happens and what are you gona do? so unless you wanna stick your hand up inside yourself and check it out... i suggest you see a doctor unless you wanna die. my friend stuck something up there and forgot about it and ended up with an infection... how do u know you didnt leave sumthing up there?

hahahahahaha your hopeless

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What are fun things to do in a hotel with all of your friends? We plan to have a toga party, but I want more ideas. The hotel has an indoor pool too if that helps. I rate 5's if you have a good idea!

have a massive orgi

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I am a 34 C cup size. Im really skinny though. I actually wear one of the smallest pant size like size 1. I dont know what do do about a bathing suit. Their all to small.

buy a barbie baithing suit... you sound like you have her figure...

your such a dumb ass... you ever heard of baithing suit seperates?

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How do you plan out a kick ass party? What sort of invitations should you give out without looking too kiddy-ish?

give out dora the explorer invitations and make sure your house is COVERED with lava lamps. you also have to have pin the tail on the donkey... and dont forget vodka :-)

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I have found myself snapping at people calling them complete morons and other such insults. I do it when I am frustrated or even slightly annoyed. I have no patience for anyone it seems. Later on I regret saying such things. I've said these things to friends and family, and even my boyfriend ,whom I adore. But when the moment hits me it seems I can't prevent the waspish comments from bursting out. How do I explain to these people why I say such things? I've hurt their feeling and it really upsets me. I don't mean to be mean. It seems i just can't help it.

you could be possessed :-\ you should see a doctor

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Does anyone know a good shampoo or soemthing for your hair that would dry it out because my hair is always reallyyy oily. thanks ♥

well i guess you didnt like my answer... but i still think your posseded... heres another possibility... shower more ( duh)

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I was watching Mean Girls and I was wondering how you can be half a virgin??

its when you stick a red hot glowing metal pole up your crotch... you should try it...

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I bleached my hair yesterday & it came out horrible! its like all blotchy and stuff..like really blonde in some places & not so blonde in other places. how can i fix this????

okay dont panic!!! im an expert
first soak your hair in tomatoe soup and vinigar.... it will rid your hair of dirty residue... than put turnup juice in your hair... it will even out the color...

but i say you leave it how it is! lepard hair is the shit!!

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OK well, it's abit silly but I kissed my boyfriend for the first time a few days ago and was kinda' surprised when he went straight into frenching! It was my first time kissing properly so I was just expecting a lip kiss or whatever, but he kinda slipped his tongue in somehow... and I was like... ah no? I didn't really want to go that far + it kinda grossed me out! so I sort of pulled away... He said he was okay with waiting until I'm more comfortable kissing him, but I would just rather stick to lip kissing for now! How should I deal with this? I'm not sure how to phrase it right... It was his first time kissing aswell... any help muchly appreciated!

you could always try using your teeth :-) thats not as slimey

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I'm doing a DIY denim mini from a pair of jeans that i detest, but I cut it a little too short. Is there a decoration or something that I can add to the bottom that will make it longer, but won't take away from the "denim mini" idea?

you dont need to... showing off you ass checks is good enough of a decoration :-)
but if your not a skank... just wear some cool stripes tights

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Does anyone know the song that goes "this is the story of a girl who cried a river and drowned the whole world. She's looks so sad in photographs but i absolutely love her when she smiles"? what song is it and who sings it?

its by nine days... but the song title is pretty obvious dumb ass think about it *cough * cough * story of a girl*

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