we were discussing the aspect of visiting again, and my wife said that we can visit her once a month and the rest of the time we should call or send letters. I think that sounds fair do you think
I don't see anything wrong with that. If that's what makes her comfortable, and works for everyone, then go for it. And you can always visit her more in the future, if she decides she wants to be visited more often.
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there, so here is one of the answers I got from asking similar questions elsewhere
"Even though she is very sorry for making the mistake and even though she regrets it, she is still a delinquent and has to pay for the crime that she committed. She should have thought about it before doing it. I am sure that she will be behind bars for quite a while. She is not a good example for your daughter and I think that you should raise her all by yourself. You can take your daughter to see her delinquent mother in jail, but I suggest you only take her once a week."
this seems kind of harsh don't you think? I never said I was going to break her out of jail or something.
That is extremely harsh. If your wife had shown no regret for her actions and had no plans of changing, then I might agree with that to some degree, but your wife obviously accepts responsibility for her mistake, and I think it's ridiculous that anyone would even suggest that you raise your daughter alone.
If anything, this is a good learning experience for your daughter, so that she can see that actions have consequences, but it is still an unfortunate situation, and I'm sorry that your family is going through it.
Please don't listen to rude people like that. Your wife made a mistake, but that doesn't make her a bad person, and certainly not a bad mother.
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I don't know what exactly my daughter even wants to know, I am sure she knows the general idea of jail.
so the day she needs to report is coming up and we are definitely feeling a sense of nervousness, especially my wife, even though she is going there because of her own actions I think she has a right to feel nervous do you?
I definitely agree that she has a right to feel nervous. Situations like this are hard for pretty much anyone to deal with, and I can only imagine how stressful it must be for her.
Most people do have a general idea of what jail is, but she may not know the details. She could have a lot of the same questions you did, what day to day life is like there, things like that. It may be best to keep open lines of communication with her, let her know that it's okay to ask questions, and be as honest with her as you can.
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her crime was forgery. The main thing was she never did anything like it before and I don't think she will ever do it again so I don't see why people say that
my daughter is actually asking what her mothers daily life and living conditions will be like, again in a total indifferent way. What should I say to her?
If that's her crime, then I definitely don't see why people would expect you to turn your back on her. It is a crime, yes, but I don't think it's enough for people to expect that.
I would suggest just being honest with your daughter. Give her the information that you have so far. I would also, again, recommend asking her what her feelings are on the whole situation. While indifference could be just that, indifference, it could also be her having a hard time really accepting how she feels about the whole thing. Giving her an opportunity to discuss those feelings with you and your wife might be helpful, and at the very least, you'll have an idea on how she feels about everything.
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Okay so im a young songwriter, and i recently wrote a song called "Scream It," but then i searched itunes to make sure there wasnt already a song with that name, but there was. Normally in this situation i would alter the name/lyrics, but im really proud of this one, and the name, and i dont want to change anything. So my question is, is it possible to have two different songs with the same name? Thanks! :)
It is possible to have two different songs with the same name. I have two instances of this on my playlist alone. As long as the lyrics and music are different, and there's no plagiarism at all, it's fine.
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thanks again, another thing I am wondering about. Some say it is wrong for us to stick by her because she committed a crime. The reason I am willing to do so is because she never did anything like this before and she shows regret at what she did and I don't think she will ever do anything like this again. What do you think?
I think it is truly honorable to stick by her during this. I don't know what crime she committed, but everyone makes mistakes, and the fact that she does show regret for her actions make me think she is a good person who may have made a few wrong choices. If everyone turned their backs on people who made mistakes, we'd all be alone. It is sad to me that some people can't understand that, and I'm sorry that people are saying those things. You all seem like good people to me, and I truly wish you and your family the best. Feel free to send me any more questions, if you have any, and I'll do what I can to answer them.
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One of the things we have heard is that having too much money on commissary can make inmates a target. Have you heard that?
I haven't heard that personally, but I can see why that might be a concern. I would imagine there are safeguards in place, and she may not have to disclose the amount she has on commissary to other inmates. You could also only put a small amount into her commissary at a time, and add a little more when needed.
I'm sorry I can't be more help on this question. This may be another thing to ask someone at the prison, to find out what safeguards they have in place in regards to this.
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Also, should I tell my wife to leave all her jewelry behind since they will probably take them
From her? And dress simply since they will take those as well and search her. Do they really do that humiliating kind of search? I can't imagine her having to do something that embarrassing it sickens me.
And also again, money is needed absolutely to survive there?
Thanks again
They will require her to remove all jewelry, so she should definitely leave them at home. For clothing, something simple that she doesn't care to lose, because there's always a risk of that. They'll give her clothing to wear. They will probably strip search her, as far as cavity searches, I'm not sure. It may happen from time to time, unfortunately.
Money isn't necessarily needed, but it will probably help immensely, especially psychologically. If she plans to write letters, she may need to buy stamps from commissary. Some prisons give you a certain amount for free, but she may need more. Here's a link that has a basic rundown on what commissary typically includes: http://voices.yahoo.com/the-prison-commissary-truth-behind-is-1292821.html?cat=31
Again, this may vary from prison to prison.
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thanks a lot for answering these questions, we really appreciate it.
so I guess the main thing my wife said to send her is books so she can occupy herself while confined, but obviously there must be some kind of process to to do that but it is probably do able right. Also you say she will definitely need some money for necessities as well right.
one thing my wife is trying to look up now and I might as well ask other people including you is if
1. There are guards at watch over cell areas, shower areas (which we assume have no privacy) to prevent violence or assault or anything like that
2. what kind of questions they ask upon entering and what kind of tests they do, so she can prepare answers and for those tests that will be done on her beforehand.
if you don't know, it is no problem, again thanks a lot for helping shed some light on this
I'm not entirely sure on the specifics, and I'm sure the level of security varies from prison to prison as well. From what I've heard, there is always at least one guard walking the halls, so if a fight breaks out in a cell, it should be broken up fairly quickly. There are windows in the cell doors as well, and I know the jail in my town has a call button on the wall in each cell, in case anything happens or an inmate needs something. I would assume prisons have something similar. I'm really not sure how the shower situations work, but I'd assume there would be a guard outside the showers at least, and would know if anything happened.
As for questions, generally they'll ask a lot of health questions to get an idea of any preexisting conditions, or anything else they need to keep an eye out for. If your wife has any dietary restrictions or anything like that, the booking process would be a good time to bring those up. She should also prepare all medications and prescriptions ahead of time, if she's taking any. Most of the time, these need to be pre-approved, so it's best to have everything ready. She'll have her picture taken, and possibly fingerprinted. I'm not sure what other tests or questions she may be asked.
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yeah that seems like a good idea, and I assume there will probably be a lack of privacy and being in confined spaces that she will want to know ahead of time right
Yes, she will almost definitely be sharing a room with at least one other person, sometimes multiple people, depending on how full the prison is. There is very little privacy, and I would imagine being confined in a fairly small area can get frustrating quickly. Most prisons have a fenced in area where inmates are allowed to go at certain times, though, so she should still be able to get fresh air and walk around a bit. Do as much research on the prison as you can.
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thing I can tell her about how to adjust and live in jail? I believe you said you know about how it is since you know people who went or something
I'm not really sure how much someone can actually prepare themselves for serving time. The prison will have its own schedules, routines, and rules. I'd imagine it would be difficult to fully grasp how life will be like in jail. I would suggest talking to a former inmate of the prison your wife will be going to for a better idea, but that's not always an easy thing to do.
I would recommend taking care of any medical/dental issues before going, if at all possible. While prisons are legally required to provide medical care and transportation to doctors and such, it can sometimes be a difficult and lengthy process, so anything she can take care of now would be better.
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she seems kind of indifferent about it, but I am sure it is not due to any kind of dislike of her mother or anything.
anything specific you think I should say to my wife herself?
If I were you, I would just be as open as possible with her. Let her know how you're feeling, as well as your concerns about the situation. Maybe she can help you put things into perspective, or at least give you a different view of things.
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know, her relationship with her mother was just the normal parent child relationship with her mother with no real animosity or anything, Maybe she just said that to be funny or something?
That is strange. It could very well have been a joke, or just a typical, rebellious teenage attitude. Maybe you should consider sitting everyone down and discussing the situation. That way everyone has a chance to discuss how they feel about the situation. That may also be a good time to lay down some rules about how she will be expected to conduct herself in her mother's absence. But hopefully it was just a joke on her part.
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I am in my late 20's and recently found my biological brother 2 months ago. We talk on the phone, text and one day plan to meet in person. However lately he has been flirting with me and sending text messages that are not appropriate. I have told him that we are siblings and cannot speak in this manner. I have also told him I am happily married and that his behavior needs to stop. How else can I make this stop? I will not sever ties with him as I have spent the last 10 years looking for my family.
Thank you for your question. I'm sorry you're going through such a difficult situation.
Unfortunately, you don't really have many options in a situation like this. My first (and obvious) suggestion would be to ask him to stop, which you've already done. If he continues, I would recommend being extremely firm with him. Tell him that you would like to maintain contact with him because he is your brother and you've been looking for him for 10 years, but that his behavior is making you extremely uncomfortable and you won't tolerate that type of behavior.
Other than that, I don't see many other options. You can't exactly physically force him to stop. He'll only stop if he's willing to, and if you asking him to respect you isn't enough to make him stop, then, unfortunately, he probably never will.
I completely understand not wanting to sever ties with him, but ask yourself this: If this was anyone else, would you tolerate this type of behavior continuing? It is an extremely tough situation, but you deserve respect. Ultimately, though, you have to decide whether or not you are willing to tolerate a lack of it.
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say that taking my daughter to visit her mother in prison is a good thing because it will "show her where she doesn't want to end up" or "What happens when you break the law". Does that seem a good way of thinking?
I don't necessarily see anything wrong with that way of thinking. Honestly, when I was younger, one of my parents got arrested several times, and just experiencing that has made me steer clear of that type of behavior. You should try to make sure that your daughter understands that her mother may have made a mistake, but that doesn't make her a bad person, and she still needs to respect her. I'm not sure how well your daughter gets along with her mother right now, but judging by your previous question about her almost seeming happy about her going to jail, it may be a good idea to try to get to the root of what her possible issues with her mother might be.
I hope I've helped. If you have any more questions, feel free to ask, and I'll do the best I can with the information I'm given.
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Here I have a problem. If I do what my dad said to do when I was crying which was to go to the garage. But if I do clean my room up I'll get into trouble because I am still crying. I can't ignore and I can't do. My mom gave me advice just that morning about a situation like this where if I listen to one the other one will be angry. If I listen to the other the other one will be angry. I took my mom's advice and it just got me into big trouble.
I'm assuming that your parents are still together, and if I'm understanding correctly, both are asking you to do different things, then getting angry when you do what the other one has asked.
If that is the case, it may be best to call a family meeting, if possible. They may not even really be realizing what they're doing. Sit them both down together and explain it to them as best as possible, and tell them that it's upsetting and frustrating for you.
I'm sorry that you have to be in this situation. It sounds like the issue is lack of communication between your parents. Hopefully you'll be able to make them understand where you're coming from, and maybe you guys can come up with a solution that works for everyone.
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my wife will be going to prison for one year soon. My wife says not to give her any money but is that a good idea or will she need it for things there? Also, she says just send her books or something. So can you just send those things? There must be some long process involved. Also, what other things should a family do to prepare for family members incarceration? Is there anything they are supposed to bring with them? Also, should I allow our 14 year old daughter to visit her when she goes or is that a bad idea to bring here there? Also, if I take her to visit she might think "mom went to jail, she has no right to tell me what to do anymore" .Which would just be a stressful thing. I even heard her express a kind of joy at her mother being locked up and having to take orders from other people. My wife definitely did wrong but she shows no defense or excuse at what she did and she shows that she still cares for her family so I am willing to stick by her through this
Prisons usually have their own sets of rules for things like that, and they can vary from prison to prison. Some might be okay with inmates receiving things like books, while others might not be. It's best to contact the prison and ask them what their rules are, and ask about any other tips they can give you to prepare, including what should be brought with them.
As far as money goes, most prisons have commissary, which is how inmates can buy various things like snacks, hygiene products, etc... It's usually not necessary to buy these things, but some may be useful. She may also need money for phone cards, depending on how the prison works. Again, that's something to verify with them through a phone call, if possible.
For your daughter, unfortunately I can see why you might be afraid of her being defiant about the situation, especially at her age, but it might be a good idea to let her visit, at least occasionally. I can't imagine it would be good to let her go a year without seeing her mother, then when she's released, expecting her to show respect for her or obey her. Try to let them keep in contact, at the very least through phone calls. I don't have children, so I can only help so much on this aspect, but you should try to find some way to show her that she still has to obey you and any other guardian figure that may be in her life while her mother is in jail. I'm not sure what form of punishments or repercussions she has now, whether it be grounding or losing privileges, but it may be best to keep those going, so she doesn't get too out of hand.
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There is this boy I like but he likes my best friend I hate them for it but you can't help who you love but I also love someone else and I will call him Fred as I dont want to I've away his name but I love him a lot unfortunately I don't know how he feels about me. I mean we was walking to school the other day and it was raining and I forgot my coat so he gave me his hoodie the hole day but I dunno if he was being kind or he fell ill as it is not his usual personality. So anyway I'm really confused
As far as the first guy goes, even if he decided he wanted to give things with you a try, would you ever really be comfortable in the relationship knowing that he's interested in your friend? You seem to have the right idea on that one.
For "Fred," the best thing you can do in that situation is just ask him how he feels. You can spend forever trying to look for signs that he's into you, but the only way to know for sure is to just ask. Even if it turns out he's not, it's better to know than waste your time trying to figure it out, or wondering "what if?"
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I'm 19and I have a 20 year old boyfriend and all he wants to do is haw sex with me. I dont want to have sex with him but he sometimes put's his hand on my thigh and starts touching me and he grabs my hand and puts it on his dick which I don't mind but it is when he sends naked pictures of me to his mates and they all want a bit I love him but I don't want him to take anymore pictures but I can't stop him.
Sort of dont know what to do!
I know it's hard to just leave someone when you love them, but this behavior is not acceptable, and it's only likely to get worse from here. What he is doing is extremely disrespectful. If he cared about you, he wouldn't force you into doing things you're not comfortable with. Please get out as soon as possible.
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My best friend moved and she means so much to me - Plus, she moved to the school I've been wanting to go to!! It's fancy, not strict, has better education... It's better for me.
Plus, I don't really want to know anyone there except for her. So then I'll meet new people (Everyone at my current school hates me).
So how should I sort of convince my mom to let me move? I've mentioned it, but not really asked her. She never said yes, but she never said no.
You can try to explain the main reason you want to switch schools to her, which is because of your best friend, and that you're having issues with the people at your current school. But, you should also include as much information about the school as possible. Do your research, print things off or show her the websites. Try to compare it to your current school, and give her the reasons why it's better.
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