I am a father of three, girl, boy, girl, all are now over 18. I have been married for 29 years as of 6-30-07, so yes, if you do the math I was married at 18, just after graduating high school. I am very aware of the pit falls of doing so, but we made it through the really tough times. I came to this site, because of my daughter, she also uses the site.
I am an author and have written three books, only one under this name, but it is not how I make my living. I am in business, working full time and I have a seasonal business in ponds, selling Koi, goldfish, water plants and supplies. I help people to plan and build ponds, as well as, maintenance if they need it.
I am not here for the ratings and could careless what you rate me. I will tell you things I know, I will tell you what you don't want to hear, but most of all, I will tell you things from my perspective. I have experienced a lot in my life, I have not lived with my head in the sand and I'm a realist, you want someone to blow smoke up your as*, don't read my writings, (I don't do fairy tales).
I am not so foolish as to think I am always right, I can only tell you what I know and give you something to think about. It is up to you to find out if I'm right or not.
Life is complicated, because people are complicated and one answer does not necessarily fit all, but that doesn't mean you should not consider what I say as a possibility.
Feel free to write me personally if you wish, there is only so much you can say in such a restrictive environment as this site is, it doesn't allow for proper conversation.
Thank you for coming to my column and giving me the chance to help.
E-mail: gibber@cableone.net
Gender: Male
Location: Minnesota
Age: 53
Member Since: May 14, 2008
Answers: 285
Last Update: March 27, 2013
Visitors: 26923
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Hi there...
I need to make money to pay my loan... i'm a full time student. i volunteer, and i have to take care of my parents since they depend so much on me to take care of them ( i am the youngest and they're old...) I can't find a decent job... more specifically no one will hire me.... most of my job experience is from volunteer work (just because i got most of these opportunities through my college career center and because these big companies were to cheap to pay the "small people") anyway... i work harder than anyone i know... and i really need to make money to pay my last year of college... how can i make money but still be able to maintain decent steady (i am not saying stress free or relaxed!) time flow! my main priority is my parents' health because both have critical conditions... in the same time i really need to fix my credit score and pay my debts! please help i don't know what to do!! (link)
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Go to your local Pizza delivery place, one of them will surly be looking for drivers, (it's a great way to make money). You will make money nightly on top of a pay check. I admire your devotion and dedication, you are a rarity in this day of what's in it for me. I wish there were more people like you out there.
Be well and ode if I could but call you friend,
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I feel completely stupid for saying this, but I cant stand myself. I mean I hate the way I look. I hate like everything about me. Well okay not everything, because I love the way I think like i know i'm intelligant and stuff but I litteraly hate myself. I dont feel like I have any true friends and I hate myself more for saying that because I have a best friends that I can tell mostly everything except this kind of stuff. (This is probably really confusing)I feel like my inteeligance is the only thing that I have to live for. I know that probably sounds stupid too. I'm just so confused right now and and hurt and it sounds pathetic but like no one cares about me and like i have no control over my life cause everytime i try to make my self a little more at the very least likable i cant seem to do it. I think about just ending things alot like just giving up on everything or something but i feel like i'm meant for something. I dont know i'm so confused right now. I just dont know. (link)
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Wow, slow down a bit here and think about what you're saying. In my day the hippies would tell you to look inward and find yourself, you know, that enlightenment crap. But you know, the first thing that went out the window with that generation was religion, (think about that for a second). They taught peace and love, yet turned their back on the one thing that makes us whole, the belief in something greater then yourself. You know this, your words say so, you feel it in your gut. It is the human animal within you that hates, that gut feeling you have is the spiritual being that is what you truly are inside. It does not hate; it wants you to see what you really are. Hating ones self is not bad nor wrong, it is where you need to be at this moment, it is what will bring you to change and become who you really are and want to be. Intelligence will keep you from doing harm and it will bring you to understand that what is put before you is done for reason. Learn and grow, become stronger, then embrace the person you become.
Be well fellow spirit
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My name is Dwayne i am 19 years old and the girl who i think is the love of my life hename is shanice she's 15 years old, I can understand that she's yong and has no idea of how to handle a relationship.
I want to know how can i get her to love me again because i really love this girl and would not do anything to hurt her, since lately i can see that she start to moving away from me slowly. (link)
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She is 15, she's still playing 15 year old games, you're 19 and through that. Let her grow up and perhaps catch up. Get your life in-order, be in a better place and perhaps someday you'll find each other again, just don't hold your breath.
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21/f
I am getting married soon, but there are still some issues bugging me that I thought my fiance and I had resolved.
- He smokes
I know this is a personal choice for him but it does affect me. If I really don't like it, shouldn't he at least try not to smoke in front of me? He only started doing this recently, before this he used to hide the fact that he smoked (cause he knows I hate it) and lie to my face when I would ask.
- He brings home his friends porn
He swears up and down that it's not his. Fine, but if you know I don't like it then don't bring it into our home. If it is your friends property then let your friend keep it, no?
- He has MOOD SWINGS like you would not believe. One minute he is all sweet and cuddly and the next he's scowling with a nasty attitude.
- He doesn't like to think about the future, aka he has no idea what he wants as a career (although he has a good job for the time being) and he doesn't even put thought into it.
I don't know what to do. These are things that seriously bother me. I've brought these issues to his attention and nothing changes, or it changes for a week or two then we're back to square one.
There is also stuff from the past and I try to let it go but then he shows me that he doesn't have the will to change.
I'm supposed to be getting married in 3 months! HELP. (link)
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I have only one thing to say to you, when you marry someone you marry them as is. People are not used cars that can be rebuilt. You say yes to this man at the alter, you have agreed to take his flaws as well as what is good in him. Many have made the mistake in thinking I can change him/her, only to find themselves divorced a year or so later. If you're going to marry a guy, that is what you will get, if you want a man, wait for him to actually become one.
Be well
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Sometimes my parents are telling me that I'm really really fat. It hurts my feelings, even though they say it in a joky way (but I know they mean it)
So I'm about 160cm..give or take.
And I weight 60kg...
And I'm 15.
So am I really that fat?? (link)
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I have a daughter who through her younger years was over weight and we could not get a doctor who would tell her this, they just kept saying that she would slim out when she got older. As parents we tried to nicely get her to keep her weight in line as she ate portions twice what she should and hid food in her room. Now, at 25 she is obese to the point of the inability to even walk enough to lose weight, (her knees and ankles can not handle the weight.
We tried for years to help her when she was your age and older, but she saw this as abusing her, because it hurt her feeling. Don't get me wrong, I do not think that you should be so skinny that your ribs show, but you should be at where you feel healthiest. As a father, I have to face the fact that I will probably live to see my daughter die of a weight related cause and you can't imagine the tear in my heart to know this causes me. Your parents concern maybe a bit premature, but their concern is real and knowing they hurt you when they say it, they make it to be a joke. You can not know how we feel to watch our children do things that are destructive to themselves, but you should know we try to stop the destructiveness only because the thought of losing you is so over powering that they sit with tears in their eyes as it haunts them night and day. Please be aware of your weight, eat normal proportions and exercise even though you don't want to. Get yourself to were you feel good and can enjoy something as simple as taking a long walk with the one you love. And tell your parents that you love them for reminding you to stay healthy.
I can not answer to weather you are over weight at 132 lbs, you are the only one that can be the judge of that. Just ask yourself, how do I really feel, (physically).
Be well
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